Fasely Accused Husband = Wife needing support!!!!

[anxious]

Hello have been looking at this site for a while and have been able to gather lots of helpful advice, but i have also realised that there are others going through this hell too and it feels fantastic to know that there is support out there -Thank You.

My husband and i had parted ways for the weekend i was knee deep in post natal depression and time away from eachother was needed. My decision to take children with me and get away for few days devastated my husband and he was unable to sleep or eat.
He was persuaded to go out drinking for the evening with the "victim" and about five other people. he was also asked to go back and stay with the victim and her boyfriends house for the night. Many drinks later at their flat- her boyfriend had passed out and she was being violently sick red vomit and was collapsed on the floor - to which my husband checked she hadnt swallowed her tounge and cleared her mouth with his fingers after he heard her thud on the floor. He tried to move her but as she was a fairly well built girl and unconcious she was too heavy so he covered her with a blanket he found in the living room and left and walked home. He managed to turn up to work do his shift and leave the next day. The Plod came took all his clothes he ws wearing that night. He was bailed twice, charged and now he is awaiting trial this month.
To say its broken me is an understatement. I have had to take six months sick leave at work and am trying to hold it together with anti-depressants, and for the thought that i know my husbands innocent. He would never dream of doing the things she claims.
He has been sacked - he is living with his mother as i cant afford to bring anymore hurt to myself or my children. I have been to the solicitors with him and have read all the statements - he needs my support- he is my childrens father and i will fight for him and for them - no matter what problems our relationship has. He does not deserve this.

As for the victim - her relationship with her boyf was in turmoil he had walked out and not spoken to her for two days until the proposed night. She also has a reputation for her sexual encounters and has made accusations of a different kind before - though i dont know if these were police matters or not. She was also telling my husband how she wishes she had a man like him.....

As the trial is getting closer i am realising how powerless i am and that our lives and possbly my childrens will be made very public should this hit the local newspapers i will be devastated.

Is there any help or advice you can give to a broken woman acting normally to save her children from this hurt too???!!!

I look forward to reading any advice and am open to any suggestions.

Many Thanks

[Saffron]

Hello Anxious and welcome. I'm sorry you had to find us.

OK, with regard to your husband's case - was there any sexual contact at all, or has the accuser completely fabricated it?
I am assuming that she reported "it" more or less immediately, and that there was no sexual contact.
There will be no forensic evidence of sexual contact. That is a good thing, but not enough to exonerate your husband completely.
Did the SOCOs (Scene Of Crime Officers) visit the scene after she had made her allegation?
I can't say for certain without knowing more details, but it sounds as though your husband has a pretty good defence. Unfortunately the "victim's" previous sex life/relationship problems will not be admissible as evidence in court, although your husband will almost certainly be asked about his sex life.

With regard to yourself - yes, I really do understand how tough it can be. Please make sure you take care of yourself, but also bear in mind that the prosecution may know that you are not allowing him to live with you and your kids; they may use this against him in court. And as for the papers...well, that part isn't easy, but it will pass. The saying that today's news is tomorrow's chip wrappers is true.

Others will be along soon to offer more support. Stay strong.

[anxious]

Thank You for your quick response Saffron.

Unfortunately there is DNA as after he covered himself in her sick trying to mve her and clearing her mouth from the sick he then as you do drunk went for a wee and got her DNA from his hands on to his boxers unfortunatley in the place his willy would be.
The police have been really conniving and told him there was DNA and convinced him that he had sex with her and he had done it and the alcohol has blocked it out - to which he said in his questioning that he must have had sex with her(Yikes) but he cant remember it (yikes)and that he would never rape anyone. They then told him where the only bit of DNA was and he worked out how it got there.

She reported it to no one until 4PM the next avo and then went in to the place where they both work ate some food he had cooked and then decided to break down and make it obvious to everyone around that she had a problem with him. The police were called from there.

Yes the crime scene people went to the flat - and took the necessary. she also accused him of smoking her ciaggarettes and taking money from her purse.... of which he would def not do -he walked home - so no taxi money needed either?!

in her questioning she was asked if he thought he would stop if she asked him and she said yes ?! and that she doesnt want any harm coming to him?!

Madness!!!!

[Casehardened]

Hello,

It's good that you are supporting your husband through this dark period in his life, remember that alcohol does make people behave differently to normal.

As you weren't living at home at the time, I'm guessing you weren't interviewed or asked to make a statement and therefore won't be required to appear as a witness at the trial.

There is no reason though why you can't appear as a character witness (his solicitor could arrange this) and obviously, if the jury see that you are standing by him, this will help when they consider their verdict.

On the downside, this means you will be heavily implicated in the case, and I know you are concerned about the effect of any publicity on your children. On the other hand if he is aquitted you will both be able to hold your heads high, so any decision will need some careful thought.

[anxious]

Thank You Casehardened.

Thank You for your suggestion. I have thought about it and suggested it to the sols - who have suggested i come in tomorrow for a chat.

Feeling so weary with it all.

Whilst i realise my friends and family are here to support me and Hubby - i dont know if i want any of them in court with me.... does that make sense?

will i have to sit anywhere near the accusers family/friends?

It seems mad that this is happening because as a result of this- its made our relationship stronger which in the long run is terrifying.

If i go on as a character witness will the CPS also have the chance to question me? i will find it sooo hard talking to a court of people about our sexual history....

anxious

[Casehardened]

Hello again anxious,

I'm sure you're going to get lots of support from the super ladies on this forum; I can only look at it from the 'accused's' perspective.

I felt (and feel) terrible guilt for dragging my wife into a situation not of her making, and overwhelming gratitude that she chose to stand by me. (Thank the Lord that it never came to it, but she was prepared to go into the witness box)

This gave me a wake-up call and I realised that there had been far too many years of taking her for granted, and such loyalty and devotion was beyond price.

Your feelings about becoming closer are not unusual; a pulling together in a crisis sort of thing.

Glad you're considering being a character witness, there may be repercussions but I'm reminded of the motto on a fridge magnet that we now have: " A Woman is like a teabag, you don't know how strong she is until she gets into hot water "

Hopefully someone else will be able to answer your queries about the court procedure, but I *think* witnesses have to wait outside the courtroom until it is time for them to speak and they can be questioned by the prosecuting barrister.

[goldfish]

Hi anxious

I am in a similar position to you, supporting my husband through this terrible accusation. We are still waiting for a trial date to be set, though still hoping it will come to an end before then. I also want to speak up for my husband at a trial and have informed his solicitor. As yet nothing has been decided on how i will have to go about it, I just know I want to have my say.

I believe that you are not allowed into the court untill it is your turn to appear in the witness box. After, you are allowed to leave or stay to listen in the public seats. Though I am confident about what I would want to say I am still terrified and anxious about the whole thing.

My husband was charged at the very beginning and his name and charge was in the local papers immediatly. It was devastaing and humiliating for our whole family. Though every one was shocked and surprised to see this there were no repurcussions, we were fortunate, my husband has had alot of support from family,friends and neighbours. By putting his name in the papers most people knew immediatly who had accused him. So much for anononimity. It was probably a talking point for a while but we have just tried to get on as normal for the sake of our children.
Hold your head high and continue to support your husband is the only advice I can give as that's what I am trying to do.

Thinking of you and your family.

[Saffron]

Hi Anxious

If you are a witness you will not be allowed in the public gallery until you have given your evidence. You can wait outside if you like, or just turn up on the day.
If you are in the public gallery, yes you will be sitting with her supporters. We had the same situation, and found that, as we outnumbered the "victim's" supporters, by strategically arranging ourselves, there was no room for her supporters to sit together.

Originally I was going to be called as a defence witness, but our barrister said my evidence wasn't pivotal. After realising that I wouldn't be able to listen to the rest of the trial, my husband and I decided it would be better for me to be conspicuous in the public gallery. Plus I don't think he would have coped with having to relay ever aspect of the trial to me before I gave my evidence.

Thinking of you

[anxious]

Thank You Goldfish - that must have been really hard for it to be so public so quickly. It has taken me a long time to get my head around it all let alone it all going public so early on. However at least you dont have the anticipation of this and there are people in definate support of you. I wish you both the best of luck. I think had this hit the papers early i feel we would have more support, as people know my husbands personality and i feel would also be shocked at her allegation.

Thanks for the info Saffron, after talking to the sol today, she also believed that my evidence was not pivitol to the case either and my husband was not keen for me to be placed under that stress. I would also hate to be outside until i had to give evidence. i need to be in there i think for my own sanity - hearing it all from others would not be good enough!! So me being a character witness has been ruled out.

The accuser has given yet another statement, dated towards the end of last year when the event took place in the summer - during this time she has had time to talk to all the witnesses and co-oberate a very very detailed statement. Which to me is strange because she was so called passed out on the floor! She has also mentioned that she has had to move because another sexual assault against her friend also happened in her flat!? what is the likelyhood of this happening?! seems very very strange to me.
She also claims that she contracted clamydia from the event. In my opinion it is quite clear from her medical examination - she already had it!! My Husband is now getting checked out for this..... dont know how this would stand up in court if he hasnt got it.... would be interested to know. Also if her so called boyfriend has had it or been treated for it as he has been seen since snuggling up to another woman.
The sol advised that my husband may be detained during the trial - however his barrister would put forward a case that he has been on bail for over 6 months already with no problems.... is this normally the case?

With the trial getting close very fast- it feels awful to think that we may have only a certain amount of time with him left and am counting down the days already..its horrible.

Thank you all for your advice and listening - its of much comfort!!

Anxious

[anxious]

update....!

Trial been postponed till May as my Husbands Case has not been fully put together. It seems that it takes a long time to get funding for all the DNA to be found/not found and for the CPS to release items to defence. Luckily the judge agreed with our barrister that what we still needed, was relevant to the case - so agreed to postpone it. So now we are on countdown for yet another date -May seems like a million miles away at the moment. But am looking at it as a definate positive move for his case.
Another positive is that my Husband has been tested for the clamidya STD that she claims he gave her, as a result of rape and he has not got it!!!! The dirty wench has obviously contracted it from someone else.... In her statement she claims not to have been able to have any sexual contact since and its breaking up her rel'ship - however according to her barrister she is a sexually active young lady and could have contracted it after!! and she is not relying on it!!
Has anybody else had experience of this whole STD accusation and how the jury viewed it?-would love to hear how it stood up in court.

Many thanks- Anxious.... praying for a better nights sleep - no Clamidiya.... Yipeee!!

[Rights Fighter]

It is entirely possible that the evidence relating to the STD will be deemed inadmissible, depending on the expert's reports. I take it defence has had access to his own medical history from his GP?

If you PM me your rough whereabouts we might be able to find you somebody to attend the trial with you, for support.

[Saffron]

I'm so pleased that you have got the trial postponed. At least it gives you a chance to go through the prosecution's evidence thoroughly.

I sincerely hope the Chlamydia evidence will be admissible - if she is stating categorically that she caught it from your hubby, and he clearly doesn't have it then it will be powerful evidence. Your hub may well have to agree to the release of his medical history though, to prove that he has never been treated for it, otherwise the crown could simply argue that he did have it at the time of the alleged "offence" but has since been treated and it has cleared up.

Your sol is right to warn you that hubby could be remanded for the duration of the trial - this is always a possibility, and the crown may argue that he should be detaind. However, given that he has been on bail for 6 months with no violations, your barrister will have a strong case to argue. Might be worth taking a "Nasty Bag" along to first day of trial though - see the sticky named "what to take to sentencing/trial". Better to be prepared.

Chin up and keep coming back if you find you need support

[anxious]

Thank you for all your advice- we have been told that because he has not been tested or treated for it in the last six months- our local nhs gum clinic will be forwarding a letter to sols informing them of this- and this should be sufficient- not been asked to offer medical records to crown (yet) and then from there- like you said it depends how the specialist views it. In her statement it is very clear that she is blaming him for this. I sincerely would love this point to be brought out so fingers crossed specialist goes in our favour!
It makes me so mad how much this is costing the taxpayers and yet she will get compensation on top of this convicted or not!!
Still am focusing in getting a good defence- time will tell!!

[anxious]

Rights Fighter - i have tried to PM you but it wont let me for some reason... not sure what to do.

Thanks Anxious

[Rights Fighter]

You should be able to email me using the forum function - click on my username link.