Barman acused of raping while with his wife!

[harrybo21]

Hi there,

so ill give some details.

I work for a pub. I have recently been training up for management.

So one day this girl comes into the pub. She orders from me at the bar. I ID her and serve her and her boyfriend as per the law.

She then sits with her boyfriend. They argue and he leaves.

Then I finish work. She is sat on her own. I sit with a table of regulars and supervise the guy who is on the bar (also my best friend and lodger). I have a drink.

The girl's boyfriend comes back, argues with her again and leaves again.

One of the four people im sat with ask her to join them.

10 mins later my wife turns up so i go and sit at the bar with her.

Meanwhile this girl sits with the 3 male and 1 female regulars.

Come 12 i go to cash up the tills.

This girl and the regulars leave during this period.

Half 1 i finish my work and go home with my wife and my friend.

This was saturday.

Monday while in work before the pub opening we get a call. Police (C.I.D) asking about the girl arguing with her boyfriend.

My manager doesnt know as she wasnt there so puts them on to me. For about 10 mins i dont even know who they are talking about. Eventually I realize and tell them what i know.

They ask "Who was sat with her?".

I reply "Well I was sat with her".

They tell me they want to ask some questions and will be coming to see me. - I agree.

half 11 they show up at the pub but ask for the manager. She comes out...

They talk for a while. They told her they want me to give a statement at the police station (I didnt know this as was at a distance)

She asks me to call one of the other bar staff in to cover. I do, then the C.I.D ask me to go with them to give a statement. I agree again.

When i get in the car they tell me im under arrest for suspicion of rape. (I still have no idea why).

I assume its a formality as they tell me not to worry and they just want to talk to me. They also said they wont cuff me as i seem to be compliant and helpfull.

We get to the station and one of the police leave. The other takes me to the sergent to agree detention.

The other leaves. I then get taken to a cell and put under supervised watch.

Not one of the supervising officers no who i am or why im there, and nor do I. Then they take me back to the sergent.

He then starts quoting stuff at me, Im still oblivious untile he says he agrees "DNA swabbing of the penis".

I start to worry. Ask why? As far as im aware the only reason im even there is because i told them i was sat with this girl?

He starts shouting this at me... "YOU ARE ALLEGED TO HAVE RAPED A GIRL AND THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS CRIME".

Im embarresed and angry by now. I try to explain that no-one has alleged me, and that I told them I was there AND that I was managing that night but her just kept saying that same sentance over to me and saying that i didnt understand the direness of the situation i was in.

I tried to say to him that my wife and my bestfriend/lodger could vouch for me that night. Also that my manager saw me leave at half 1 AM with the wife and the lodger but her kept saying that will be discussed in the interview following the DNA swabbs.

I eventually get a solicitor who tells me i have nothing to hide and that i would just be proving my innocence.

Now I am one shy kinda guy, dont want no-one going near my speacial areas except for my wife. But i still agreed. With these words.

"Fine, your all gonna feel like idiots when this proves i got nothing to do with any of this".

They said "Well we wont feel like idiots". Do whatever you have to"

They take me back to my cell. Still under supervised watch. Then the guy who arrested me turns up...

"We cant do the DNA test under the curcumstances that you agreed. We are under the impression that you think itll get you out of here quicker and this is not the case"

Im livid by now coz ive done nothing wrong and have agreed to testing that i never wanted to begin with but that still wasnt enough. I literally had to go back to the sergent and say "I am happy for you to DNA test me". Then just before he does they start telling me that this might not have to be done.

By this point its been three hours and I know that my collegues at the our are worried. So I say, I dont care just do it. I wanna get this over with and get back to work. They then tell me that they can still keep me for up to 24 hours. BUT that I wanted them to contact my wife. I meant NOW. Not after the DNA NOW. They didnt... They even said okay we can do that but didnt

The only contact i had with the solicitor was over the phone, she said such stupid lines like:

"Did you sleep with the girl"
me - "No i was with my wife for god sake"
"So your married to the girl?"
me - "NO i was with my wife who is not my girl"
"Oh well you got nothing to hide so might as well do it even though it is a bit embarrasing"

Great help.

So I near enough and breaking down but am told that this will be done by doctors not police. I go into the doctors room. (Beat in mind I have been told that im not allowed and drink or the toilet until this is done so im desperate by now).

They cant find a swab kit and the police officer (the same one who arrested me) has to leave to get one.

He comes back and gives it to the doctor.

(Now im under the impression he will be leaving as they said it will be done by a doctor). But no he straps on some latex gloves with the doctor!!!!

Granted the doctor does the actual DNA thingy but he was still there! I cant even open m,y eyes im just that humiliated!!!

I get a five minute meeting with my solicitor. I see this tiny statement about this girl. She left the pub (While I was in the office cashing u the tills with my wife) at 12ish. And went back with 2 guys and a girl to the girls house. I wont go into the details but she claimed to have been raped.

Now I didnt leave the pub till half 1 AM. Me, my wife and my lodger. And we saw my manager as we left. They even spoke to my manager before arresting me who could have told them this!!!

I go into interview, they didnt really even ask about my involvement, mainly about the other people. Right at the end they ask if i raped her. Obviously I say no.

They then ask for peoples number who can vouch for me. They called me wife on the "Santander complaints line". Who (upon hearing the word) screamed the words "WHAT DO YOU MEAN RAPE!!!!" out in the middle of the call centre! And rung my friend who worked on the bar that night.

20 minas later they let me out but despite saying they were going to take me back to work, just dumped me at the front desk to the station and said to wait for my wife who would be another 20 mins.

They told my wife to give a statement when she arrived so I still had to go back in, wait a further 20 mins (5 hours and counting). Then they say they dont even want a statement and they got enough from the phone call with her.... But would we take the C.I,D guys to the pub (Where I work) and show them the other people who may or may not have raped this girl! I said no! as I work with these people and they're familys everyday. They said can i go there and ring them (On the guys mobile which he gave me) and tell them where in the pub they were. I said ok to that.

So I get back to the pub and they are not there. So I ring the guy and say they are not here. Go for the long awaited chat with my manager (who im good friends with thankfully). While doing this, the other barmaid comes up to us "The C.I.D are here for you" - to the manager.

So now every punter knows where i was and so do the staff now. Even though i said the other people involved were not there.

I was meant to work the night as i was detained for my shif but with all the customers staring i couldnt. Therefore lost a full days wage.

Anyway, today I was at the pub and the girl accused and her husband came to talk to me about the girl who cried rape.

Guess what? They didnt arrest any of the people who actually took her home. Just me!

No DNA, Took statements over the phone etc. Now they believe the girl was lying about being raped!

I just dont know what to do now!? I feel like I was detained without reason, and violated PERSONALLY by the DNA test as it was only done on me! Plus now everyone in the pub is talking about me and ive been told not to defend myself. Just to lie instead.

I cant bear to go to work tommorow please help!!!

Do you think the police had grounds to arrest and DNA test me just on the grounds that I "MYSELF" told them i was sat at the table with this girl for all of 20 mins even with witnesses saying i didnt leave till well after the group PLUS the fact they did no follow the same proceedure with the other suspects (DIDNT EVEN ARREST THEM LET ALONE DNA TEST THEM!)

I feel totally violated and abused by the law and now am considering leaving my job...

[LS]

Go into work as normal and anyone that asks, that it's been a case of mistaken identity. Eventually plod will find the right people. You have a cast-iron alibi, so nothing to worry about.

It could have been a lot worse, but as you've got an alibi and it's a case of mistaken identity, the most you've had is an awkward few hours. Look on that as a good thing.

Sorry to be blunt, but you had no part in anything iffy, yes you had a few hours wasted, but it could've been worse. A lot worse. Thank god your wife was there, thank god you never left the pub with the girl, thank god you had no involvement other than sitting with her in plain view of others.
Had you not done so, you'd have a whole world of worry right now. Enjoy life.

[harrybo21]

well aparently she was lying it turns out.

She went back to the house. got drunk, got angry. Made a scene so the regulars kicked her out.

She got picked up by the police and was too drunk ti speak to. She then gave this story in the morning.

My point is why was I the only one arrested? And why was i not allowed to defend myself before having to prove my innocence through testing? Why was i not allowed to go to the toilet, or have a drink when the incident was over 24 hours before the arrest. Why did it have to be that test when i freely offered DNA from any other part of my body.

I feel like the police really let me down on this one

[Shatteredhusband]

Harrybo

They will have been looking for her DNA and not yours. If her DNA was present on a penile swab or in your mouth despite you claiming no sexual or other contact, this would be pretty damning evidence. I have a lot of sympathy for you but you arevery fortunate that you had clear evidence of your innocence. I unfortunately am still under investigation for a false allegation made by my alcoholic wife. My advice at work would be to hold your head up high and tell anyone who asks that you were falsely accused. This may help raise awareness that some women are capable of making the most terrible allegations. Before my wife accused me, I would never have realized how easily this can happen and also how devastating for the falsely accused these allegations can be.

Best wishes
SH

[Saffron]

Harrybo

I can understand your rage and sense of injustice. Perhaps you were the only one arrested because she told the police that it was you who raped her.

Has she admitted lying? If she has, you can make a formal complaint to the police about her and request that charges be pressed. They have a duty to investigate any complaint made by you.

If she has already admitted lying then she will not have wasted a great amount of police time and as you were only detained for 5 hours it is unlikely she will be prosecuted for wasting police time or attempting to pervert the course of justice. I know that sounds utterly perverse, given how traumatic the experience was for you. However, they may give her a formal warning, which could bring her down to earth with an abrupt bump and give you some sort of closure.

Alternatively you could consider making a formal complaint to the IPCC about how you were treated. The police treated my husband in much the same way, along with such gems as "when did you last treat your wife to anal sex?" and "go on, admit you raped her and then we can all go home". He was held for over 12 hours. Other members have been in custody for over 24 hours waiting to be questioned.

As for your work situation - don't quit. Do you really want plod and this nasty girl to take over your life to that extent? Hold you head high, you have done NOTHING wrong. If anyone asks, I reckon you should just tell the truth.

Chin up. It could have been so much worse.

[Rights Fighter]

An allegation is made to the police.

They MUST follow it up.

The liar said hat she was raped by the person who sat with her.

You sat with her.

They have no choice but to take you in for questioning.

Your next job is to get your DNA removed from the database.

[harrybo21]

Ive gotta admit, im a little dissapointed.

Do you guys not understand what i am saying?

They had no evidence.

I was the staff at the pub. It didnt even happen at the pub.

They had no reason to suspect me other than what I personally told them over the phone.

All I said was that I was at the pub, where I work, on a break supervising my friend as part of my training.

Not just that but they DID NOT arrest the people who actually took her home.

Wrongfull arest dictates (According to direct dot gov) not being able to provide evidence for arrest at the time of the arrest.

Therefore had i not swapped shifts that day, I would not have spoken to them on the phone and therefore they would have had no reason to arrest me!

I WAS HONEST! and told them where I was. In return I was humiliated. They even told the others that I was humiliated.

Kinda gives it away what happened eh?

I mite be old fashioned but no-one should be under my trousers exept my wife - especially if no description matches me or my name isnt given! AM I WRONG!?

If one more person replies with "It could have been worse" then i wont even bother returning to this site.

Yes you may have had a similar or worse situation than me but im not asking about other peoples problems. I would happily reply on other topics about other peoples problems but this is meant to be about my issue.

So far all I have had in resonse is "Oh well at least you were found innocent"

I am yet to recieve anuy damn paperwork about the incident. The police have come in to my pub 3 times sice and every bugger has half a story about me! I cant even say what you people are telling me to say because I AM NOT ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE THIS IS A MANAGED HOUSE/PUB. Or I will lose my job for breach of contract

[LS]

Harrybo, what do you expect from us?

So you've had a run-in with police (wrongly) and they've ruled you out of their enquiries but they embarrassed you in front of your customers in the process.

When they've heard your side of the story and then bailed you for months and then dropping the matter, or worse still, charge you, then you've got a problem.

As you don't want to know how it is for many others in order to see how lucky you are, I have only one piece of advice:

Get over it. Get on with life. Enjoy.

[Rights Fighter]

An allegation is made to the police.

They MUST follow it up.

The liar said hat she was raped by the person who sat with her.

You sat with her.

They have no choice but to take you in for questioning.

Your next job is to get your DNA removed from the database.

I answered with the above because you said:

My point is why was I the only one arrested? And why was i not allowed to defend myself before having to prove my innocence through testing? Why was i not allowed to go to the toilet, or have a drink when the incident was over 24 hours before the arrest. Why did it have to be that test when i freely offered DNA from any other part of my body.

I feel like the police really let me down on this one

The police have to "investigate" all allegations made. They have to follow certain procedures (PACE Guidelines).


They needed a penile swab, as Shattered Husband has said, to clarify whether her DNA was found on there. Her allegations was that she was raped so that would be the first place they would look.


I'm a tad confused. How long was it while you were in police custody, before you were allowed a drink and a visit to the loo?

What you have been through IS horrendous. Nobody is in disagreement with that.

Hopefully the liar will get her comeuppance and be sent to serve a custodial sentence although the younger ones are usually given a mere slap on the wrist.

[Saffron]

No-one is trying to belittle what you have been through. It's a terrifying, humiliating ordeal. I'm sorry you feel that we don't "get" what you are saying, because we really really do. It's just that for some of us the ordeal didn't end with the accuser admitting she lied.

The arrest and accusation is part of the trauma. The other part is your complete loss of faith in the Police and the Justice system. The old mantra of "I am innocent and therefore have nothing to fear" goes completely out of the window. You feel vulnerable, alone and very very frightened. Later these emotions change into anger, which seems to be the stage you are at.

As I said, you can make a formal complaint against her, and you can also lodge a complaint with the IPCC. You clearly feel violated, which is completely understandable, and dare I say it, quite "normal" (if such situations can ever be considered Normal). Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a common result in cases like this. Perhaps you should think about going to your GP. They don't automatically hand out anti-depressants - you could be referred for counselling.

I can tell you that the rage never really goes away - it's always there bubbling beneath the surface. It's up to you what you do with it...you can channel it into a positive emotion or you can let it eat you up. Personally I use it to come here and try to support others in the same situation. Up to you.