My Story

[Constant]

I'll try to say write it as well as I can

First I met a girl in a dancing club in 2008 late summer, we talked and got on really well - she lived near by where I did and we agreed that we'd meet up - she sent me some very sexy pictures via email of herself and we remained in touch - texting the usual stuff but never got to meet up albeit I would see her if I went to the club where she worked, she would often text and ask if I would come and see her. I became fond of her - but nothing happened. Anyway back end of 2008 she told me she was moving back home and so I removed her number and that was that - in 2009 I was back in the dancing club and she was there - I hadn't been for a while so we spent alot of time talking and she said that she had returned as she was bored at home. Again we stayed in touch texting etc - one night she texted and asked to meet up which I agreed to a few nights later. She arrived at my hotel, quite late and I'd had a few beers with the boys from work, we had dinner and a fair few drinks in the hotel and then we returned to my room, we had been going to and from the room all night so we could have a cigarette. We had a mess around, not full sex as I was incapable, she offered to massage and we rolled around and she was all over me literally I was just not strong enough even though I tried, so she stayed for a while and then left in the early hours, she asked if I had any money for her cab which I was happy to pay for - she also asked me if I could help with her rent - as I had not much cash I said this was not possible but next time if she needs some help let me know earlier and I'll see what I can do. I text her in the morning saying thanks etc and that was that, sent her the odd text joke and banter. This was all around the back end of 2009. In Jan I got a call from her and she tells me she is pregnant I explain we didn;t have sex, it was just a drunken fumble and I definately did not ejaculate and she tells me that thats fine then as she didn't want to get rid of it if it was her boyfriends, but thought that she should check, also told me that her boyfriend wasn't very fertile so that's was the reason she was calling me. I wished her well and that was that - or at least I thought so, about 2 months later I get a few texts from her demanding that I call her, threatening to call the police if I don't. I just ignored the texts, of which some were very nasty, as I thought she was just being a stalker. A week later very early in the morning the police arrive at my home and arrest me for rape. This is now 3/4 months after the event. They also tell me that I have given this girl HIV and if proven this will be GBH as well and that she was pregnant and that she lost the baby - they took away 2 credit cards used at the hotel and my mobile phone - the texts were still on it that she had sent. I was put in a cell for around 7+ hours as this occured miles away and the officers in the case had to come some 100 miles to interview me. I was fingerprinted, DNA'ed, and blood tested for HIV as well as photographed. The interview lasted about 1.5 hours and I was asked what had occured I explained it like it was - above and they then told me she had said I had pulled her hair back and raped her and that she had got pregnant by me and that I had given her HIV and that they still had the foetus of the miscarried baby, I did request evidence of the HIV as this is the worse thing in the world to hear that you have that awful disease. I did forget to tell them about the photos she had sent me. The interview was videoed and I was released on 3 months bail. Its now 2 months after the event, a month ago they asked for my PIN for my mobile which I thought was a bit late. The day after being arrested I went for a private HIV test which proved I did not have HIV, I also had a full screening for all other STD's and nothing was found plus another HIV test - all proved I had nothing- we forwarded this documentation/certificate to the police and they acknowledged receipt - nothing else. The young lady in question is still working in the lap dancing club. I have heard nothing and like most of this forum contributers I find it hard to have a life anymore. Thanks for reading my words and I will let you know how I get on. Any advice please feel free.

[Constant]

Just a few more things

At first I was very suicidal, I have no one to talk to - only my sister and I do not wish to burden her all the time. I don't sleep well and as per lots of the other threads once I am awake there is no going back to sleep. I seem to be drinking to much - mainly to kill the time - just wish I knew what was happening, why I was bailed for 3 months and why no one communicates.

[witsend]

dear Constant, at some point in time most people that post on here have been in that deep dark pit of despair, it is the MOST awful place. Firstly, may I suggest that if you have nobody to talk to you could always ring the samaritans, I found have somebody impartial to talk to was a great help. If you get on well with your doctor go along and have a chat and see what help he/she can offer. Drinking does seem like a good option, it dulls the pain and will eventually aid sleep, BUT, sorry this is NOT the answer. You will not find the answer to your problems in the bottom of a bottle. Keep coming back here and venting, very wise people on here helped me to get through a VERY dark period in my life.

[LS]

Hi Constant, welcome to the site, but sorry that it's in these circumstances. Many of us have either been through the same or similar, or have partners who have, so you're in a good place to get help, support or just comfort. What you might find helpful initially is to go and see your GP. Some might turn their noses up, but depression is an illness, and it will only get worse if nothing's done about it. Most GPs will either have a surgery counsellor, or will be able to refer you to one on the NHS. I won't mislead and say you'll see one the same day, as if may take months, which is why if you start the ball rolling it'll be under way.
Secondly, MIND (the mental health charity) often run counsellors though this tends to go by your postcode, so no guarantees. Also many churches run qualified counsellors, so pop into a local (large) church and enquire.
The reason why counselling is so important is that you need to let off steam and talk about what is troubling you; if you don't depression will get worse and worse. And drink isn't the answer either.
This is a public forum, and the police do visit to see what they can gain, so be careful what you post if it can identify you, or if it gives away anything you plan to do.
If there is anything you're unsure about, you can PM any of us Mods.
Can't really advise anything much more than that for the moment, but you need a clear head for a start.
LS

[Constant]

Cheers

I don't really want to vent - I suppose I want answers - I'm not even sure whats going on - why did they give 3 months bail - why did she make up such a story - surely if she said I had given her HIV and she has HIV and I havent then I'm in the clear - just wish that I knew what was happening -

thanks for the kind words - I just don't want to talk this through with anybody at present - its just seems so silly if your outside looking in but when its you on the inside it makes you feel ashamed even though you did nothing - what sort of world do we live in when this can happen to so many people on such a regular basis - crass and immoral are the words that spring to mind.

[witsend]

Constant, unfortunately these things take time! It's like the "how long is a piece of string?" conundrum, there is no set time scale. If you have read other posts on here you will see that some people have waited an eternity for things to be resolved for others, like our son, RELATIVELY quick. I'm sorry to say that you may never know why she made up this story, like most of us that is the one thing we would all like an answer to. and never will. Try to stay strong and not drink too much.

[Constant]

Its just the lies - HIV, Rape - I mean why did she call me and text me and threaten to go to the police and because I ignored her she went to them - what is in the head of these people

[RFLH]

if we knew the answer to that Constant we wouldn't be sat here on this forum!

You just have to accept that there are people with no morals and no empathy - who will go through life wreaking havoc with not a care in the world.

I guess you live and learn and never make the same mistake again.

[Saffron]

Lets look at the positives in this.

She has told a provable lie - that you infected her with HIV. You have submitted yourself to two tests, and you are NOT HIV positive. It doesn't take a genius to work out that she has lied about that. And if she has told a whopper of that magnitude, then what else has she lied about?

She sent you threatening texts and messages, which are stored on your phone. The police will have seen them. I don't want to get your hopes up, but on the face of it it sounds unlikely that this case will progress to charges.

In the meantime, try to keep busy. When you feel down, go for a walk, get the duster out and clean the house, read a book, watch a film - preferably a comedy!

Let us know how you get on.

[Constant]

Thanks

You people are genuine and I like that - your kinds words make me feel better - going to go for a drive now - and calm down as the day of bail return gets closer - so does the fear of being charged for nothing.

I will be on later and continue to update this forum -

[RFLH]

thanks Constant - its appreciated. Drive carefully.

[Constant]

We chased up the police yesterday for any news and nothing - do they ever come back to you when they say they will.

It just makes the limbo worse and worse !!!

[witsend]

Dear Constant, after reading things posted by others we realised that it was pretty pointless chasing up the police, they do seem to work at a VERY slow pace. Hope your drive helped at least while your are driving it takes your mind off things. Keep coming back

[Constant]

Any advice on how or who I should chase up would be appreciated - however the Witsend response indicates its prob not worth chasing up the police - seeing as they are the ones who asked for bail surely they should be held accountable and be able to advise what they are up too - can anyone tell me if they had all the evidence now surely I would have been charged or would they just wait until the bail return date and do it then?

[RFLH]

They'll ususally wait until the bail date - be aware that the charges may well be increased by then too.