ROUGH time

[Saffron]

Sorry to hear about your son's marriage break up. trying to look on the bright side, at least it gives you something else to focus on.

Kids, eh?
My son has insisted on staying home from school today claiming he was ill. Needless to say that by 10am he had made a "miraculous" recovery, bored out of his skull and asking to play on the Playstation....but of course, if he is too sick to go to school he is too sick to play computer games! grrrr.....Unfortunately R has been away for his work since yesterday and is not due back until this evening; I am sooo tired and just didn't have the energy to argue with my boy. It is his first day "off sick" this academic year.

[witsend]

a while

sorry it's been a while folks but have been trying to get our lives back on track, not easy, but we are getting there slowly. Am trying to get some counseling in place for our son, bit like bashing your head into a brick wall, he ha!
My thought s go out to all of you out there still having to deal with false accusations.

[RFLH]

Hi, I hope you manage to get some sorted - its good stuff!

Thank you for coming back and giving us an update - its appreciated.

[witsend]

update

Well folks, taking son to first counseling session tomorrow He is in such an awful state that we are getting really worried. We know the worst is over but it has devastated his life. We are still not sure whether he wants to stay in his flat or move back home, we just have to support him the best we can. I have been informed by the officer that conducted the case that there is nothing we can do to have his finger prints etc removed from police records, does any one have any idea if there IS a way to get this done?
Still thinking of you all.

[Saffron]

Hi Witsend, thanks for the update.
Often when a case gets NFA'd we never hear from the member again, so I'm glad you keep coming back.
Sorry to hear your son is struggling. Have you spoken to your sol about having his DNA/prints removed from the database? This is something I feel very strongly about. All it takes is for your boy to drop a cigarette butt or a pop can near the scene of a crime and your boy's DNA would be discovered and he would be "brought in for questioning". (nearly 7 years on, R still collects his cigarette butts and brings them home to throw them away!)
Counselling might be very helpful for your son. Has he been keeping himself busy? In my experience the "Fear" gets worse when you have nothing to do. Does he help you do the weekly Big Shop? Read, listen to music, etc? Sport can be a great help as well - one of our members joined a football team and found it very therapeutic.

I hope your boy starts to feel better. He can't let these malicious lies destroy his life. If he does then accuser has won. After all, the best form of revenge is survival.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts.

[witsend]

no joy

yep spoke to sol after speaking to police and he confirmed what the police told me, his DNa etc stays on record! this does seem so unfair. Son has started going back to his drop in club, shopping with me etc. Our real saving grace has been the fact that we opened our caravan up a few weeks ago, so we get away as many weekends as possible. It's the nights that are proving sooo difficult for him, he doesn't sleep, well not without sleeping pills, has nightmares and a constant headache, and only seems to sleep properly when he stays here,so a massive decision needs to be made by the end of the week as tenancy is due for renewal.

[RFLH]

oh witsend - it really is a sickener isn't it?

Perhaps a complete change by moving may be just what you need - would that be possible?

[Saffron]

I did post a reply to this, but I think i was timed out before I finalised the post.
If the girl has *admitted* she made up the complaint, and the sex was in fact consensual, you are well within you rights to contact the police and report it as a crime. "attempting to pervertthe course of justice" is the correct charge, I believe.
Even if the girl is interviewed under caution and it goes no further, it might help your son get some closure. Just a thought. But bear in mind that she ADMITTED that she made a false accusation - she made a complaint of rape, then admitted that sex was consensual. She is the worst kind of liar!

If you get no joy from the police, try writing to your MP (I will help you write the letter if you like!) or possibly the IPCC - Independant Police Complaints Commission.

This makes my blood boil. She committed a crime right under the noses of the police, but they are doing nothing about it? Wrong, just plain wrong.

Sorry, rant over....

[witsend]

back

Hi folks! have just been reading through some of the recent posts and my heart goes out to all who are still going through this ordeal. Yep! this whole situation makes my blood boil but the situation is not straight forward. The woman that made the allegation against our son also has special needs, so as you can tell this complicates things. Our son is also incapable of dealing with anything else. He finds everything such a struggle at the moment He is terrified of going to his local shopping centre in case SHE is there so, for now, I have to go everywhere with him. Even with his own learning difficulties he used to be sooo independent. It makes me sick. Obviously we were wrong in thinking that once the case was dropped things would get back to "normal", we knew it would be hard, but not this bloody hard, we are all still struggling and still can't believe this has happened.

[Saffron]

Most people think that once a case is NFAd, you can get back to "normal". Unfortunately this isn;t the case. The healing process is slow and can be painful.
All I can suggest is that you are there for your boy when he needs you. It will take time, but things will improve. Your boy is lucky to have such a supportive, caring Mum.

[RFLH]

I'm sorry to read that you're still struggling, sadly this is the norm when you get an NFA - it shouldn't be so, but the nightmare lingers on for a good while.

I do hope that you'll all find some peace of mind soon.

[witsend]

thanks again for your support and kind words

[witsend]

Well this week is turning into a bit of a struggle. Our son is not having a good week. A young lady at the club he goes to has expressed interest in him and this has put him back again. Not sleeping and not going out. I so want someones head to roll for what he has gone through, but know he can't cope with anything else. I so want his pain to end. My beloved husband is working away from home and this is the first time EVER I have had the house to myself, all in all my depression seems to be getting worse.

[Saffron]

The house to yourself?! Sounds great to me!
Try running yourself a bath with lots of bubbles and give yourself a bit of a pamper....paint your toenails, put a facepack on, and lie back in hot bubbly water with a cuppa and a trashy magazine. Listen to some music and try to relax. Your hubby will be back soon.

Hugs

[RFLH]

I'm sorry to read this, depression is horrible and everything always seems so much worse.

I'm sure that given time your son will be able to cope with things better, obviously after such a traumatic time its going to take much longer than a few months. It's so hard watching those you love go through the mill, but you're there for him and that's the main thing.

Keep coming back and posting, I know its not the answer, but it does help.