Falsely convicted .. any distinction?

[RFLH]

Bless you Broken, you sound the perfect partner.

The beta blockers will take a while before they kick in, but once they do she'll soon feel a bit calmer.

You're doing all the right things.

[Saffron]

Hi Broken

Being the partner of someone falsely accused is a nightmare. You have to be the "strong" one all the time, but inside you are as weak as a kitten. When R was accused, our friends all marvelled at my "strength" but all I felt like doing was breaking down and howling! However, you feel that you can't because it's not *you* that has been accused. You feel like you have to be strong and reliable and stoic, not mention empathetic and gentle. R was in such a bad way, self-harming and suicidal that there was no way I could show him how affected I was, because I was terrified that if I did, it would push him over the edge. I used to want to scream at him "talk to me! don't cut yourself, because that makes my hurt worse!" but he didn't - just kept on drinking, harming, picking fights with me, talking about killing himself. He said that if he was found guilty and was locked up, he would simply bash his head against a wall until he died. I didn't ever reproach him about this behaviour because I was scared he would take his harming that stage further and kill himself. I used to loathe getting home from work, always terrified that I would find him swinging from a noose in the garage. As a partner of someone FA, it's the helplessness that kills you. You can't just kiss and cuddle their hurt away, there is nothing you can do apart from be their "rock". It's like seeing your children crying for you and not being able to go to them.

So I'm sorry, I can't tell you that things will get better immediately. But if you really love your partner, let her take her time. She will heal eventually. RFLH and I both understand what you are going through, and we are here to support you.

Saffron xx

[BROKEN]

Hi Saffron,
I do dearly love my partner and would do anything for her so if she needs me to carry on as i am, being the "strong" one then thats exactly what i will do. I try and tell her as often as possible that im here whenever she needs me, it jus seems that shes not needing me right now which of course makes me feel useless but im trying not to take any of it to heart. I know that everyone deals with feelings and situations differently which is why im giving her all the space she wants without seeming like i dont care or that im not there cos thats so not true, she means the absolute world to me and i'll never stop fighting her corner until we get the end results that are just.

Its comforting in a strange way knowing that there are others not only like my partner but also like me, the partner of a FA person. And also help and support for myself as well as for her. I cant tell you just how much comfort and support from people from this site has helped me so thank you everyone for anything thats been replied to me, its all very much appreciated.

OMG, Saffron how have you managed?!.. What happened with R, did he get NFA'd after all the hell he'd been put through?... I truly hope so.

I also totally agree with your comment:
"As a partner of someone FA, it's the helplessness that kills you. You can't just kiss and cuddle their hurt away, there is nothing you can do apart from be their "rock". "
This is exactly how i feel.

Still BROKEN

[Saffron]

Hi Broken

I'm glad that you know you are not alone.
Unfortunately R was tried and convicted. Luckily the forensics proved that sex had not actually taken place, but as R had admitted sexual touching, albeit consensual, he was charged with Indecent Assault. He was sent down for 12 months, and ended up serving six.

It was very difficult - all over the local press - but we coped. When he came home it was difficult again, for different reasons. But we are now in a situation where our lives are actually better than they were before. We have both changed, but we chose to embrace the situation and draw good from it.

Your partner is lucky to have you. You are doing absolutely the right things. Keep on keeping on!

Saffron x

[BROKEN]

Saffron,
Im sooo glad that out of that horrendous situation you and ur partner found yourselves in that you have come out the other side stronger than before, i think that thats a real credit to both of you and the strength and love you have for each other.

I truly hope that myself and my partner can come out the other side and finally get on with our lives without this all hanging over our heads.
I know we have much of a wait before an 'end' can been seen to our situation but as i've said before i will never give up until its all over and our lives can once again continue, where we are both together again! I miss her sooo much, and all the little things It makes me sad when i think of it but also i find myself smiling cos its all the lil things that i love about her.

Thank you for telling me that im doing the right things, its hard in a situation like this to know wot to do and wot not to do for the best but im glad im doing the right things, that means alot to me, so thank you

BROKEN

[BROKEN]

Am having a bad day today so I thought rather than keeping it all in (like i normally would) id write a few words down here, just to get it out...

Feeling really low today, niggling lil negative thoughts keep creeping into my brain...

Am trying really hard to stay positive but its sooo hard when were sooo far apart...

Shes still keeping me at arms length and im struggling now, I just want her to talk to me, talk to me about whats goin on with her...

Its 4weeks today since i last see her...

Feeling very lonley and sad today...

I know that this will pass and tomorro i'll prob be feeling much better but today i hold my hands up...

Ridiculously BROKEN

[RFLH]

oh broken - don't despair. This takes us all in different ways.

Some shut down completely, some ignore, some manage to carry on. It's a case of doing whatever suits the person and let them get on with it.

Apart from being there and waiting, there's not much else you can do. She will need you at some point, just be ready.

My heart is heavy for you both - you, because you want to give and her, because she won't let herself accept.

It's one of those time situations.

[LS]

I agree, it's just a case of waiting. There is also the aspect that while she's in Self-preservation mode, she may also be trying not to be close so she doesn't feel like she's lumbering you with it all.
Just got to have patience, Broken, and as Saffron's said, you'll both probably come out of this stronger.

From a guy point of view, we handle everything this sh1tty world throws at us without being emotional, but we here have no idea just how much turmoil your lady is in, as being accused like this is more distressing for some than it is for others and it could may well have turned her world upside down. Unknowingly she's done the same for yours.
Regardless of the outcome of this silly FA, you and she'll still be together. It's usually the partners of the FA who disappear when this type of thing arises but you're sticking around so I'm confident you've both got many years of happiness ahead.
Just be brave, have patience, and from the sounds of it's she's a lucky person to have you in her life, and that doesn't usually go unnoticed. Have some faith in yourself too.
LS
PS I think we need a big furry hug smiley on here. Webmoo?

[webmoo]

I think we need a big furry hug smiley on here. Webmoo?

That's sounds like a fine idea. I'll see what I can find. Or, if you know of anything that you think would be suitable, do let me know and I'll add it to the smilies list.

[RFLH]

oh! well done moo!

[Rights Fighter]

Group hug smilies

[LS]

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/hug/hug-2.gif

[Rights Fighter]

[Rights Fighter]

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/hug/hug-2.gif

Save it into a photobucket account and download from there

[BROKEN]

Hi guys,

Thanks LS and RFLH for your words... Tho they made me cry yesterday I knew that what you both said was right and so I tried to remember that whenever the lonely, sad feelings came and got me and it did actually help so thank you.

I am feeling much better today, the puffy eyes are still hanging around but should be ok tomorrow and i can get back to being positive regarding the case and the future. My heads up again today and I can feel the fight coming back to me.

I know that this journey is gonna be an 'up & down' affair and trying to prepare for that is awfully hard but i am doing my best.


Less BROKEN than yesterday, but still very much BROKEN