Manchester boy

[Manchesterboy]

Ex partner has accused me off coercive control and x3 rapes.
i got arrested start of 2025 for these allegations and only just been charged by the police.
she stating I raped her in 2022 twice and once in 2024.
she stating she was too intoxicated to consent to sex and that it was when she was asleep via anal.
i have messaged off her to other people saying he has never raped me and these messages was on October 2023. So well after the alleged rape dates.
we also went on 50 million holidays with her kids after the Allegra’s rape.
regarding the alleged rape in 2024 it was October we was on holiday and week after holiday she is sending me video via WhatsApp off her singing driving singing me love songs saying love you baby have a good day.
Soon as I leave the relationship for good and move on and get someone else pregnant she then accused me off rape and coercive behaviour.
have you any advise on this is really affecting my mental health.
i also have videos after the alleged rape happened off me and her having sex consensual and she’s telling me to go faster and harder.
So am just slightly confused how cps can charge me
any info will be thanked so much

[Peter1975]

Hi Manchesterboy and welcome to the forum, although I am sorry you had to find us.

It's very difficult to say why the CPS decide to charge but these decisions often seem perverse and often appear to be taken without considering all of the facts. The CPS will provide a copy of the evidence they intend to rely on around the time of your first appearance at the magistrates court and this may help shed some light on how they have come to their decision.

The important thing now is for you to get a good solicitor and give them as much information and copies of the relevant messages as you can.

Write everything down and create a timeline of events for your solicitor to help them quickly grasp the relevant facts, for example when your relationship began and ended and when relevant messages were sent. Also write down any questions or things your solicitor should know so that you don't forget.

I know it's difficult when suffering from so much stress but please try to look after yourself physically. Make sure you eat well and exercise as this will help with the mental strain.

Please keep us updated and come back any time for support or if you have any questions we can try to help with.

[Manchesterboy]

Hi thank you for your reply Peter.
its just all really confusing I’ve sent loads off things into my solicitor whilst being on bail and I just don’t feel like he’s actually given anything until I have actually been charged now he wants to do a defence thing .
social services have rang my children’s mother and stated there’s been some progression in the case and they want to know if am seeing ym children and also what’s the plans with me seeing them.
she stated well until he’s convicted off it there’s not much I can say about the matter.
and he turned round and said tomorrow he will give her a update but that’s when I need to go the station so do you think the police have told social services I’ve been charged now ?
if I have proof off her texting two people saying I haven’t raped her is that good enough evidence for the jury to chuck this out or you think of my solicitor putting a application to dismiss thr case is a good idea? My past relationship she was all about finances and tried to get as much as she can out off me.
which there will be loads off texts and proof off the things I’ve bought her.
its all just really stressing me out on how this is getting handled.
even after the officer in charge went and seen the evidence on the person phone off the messages off my ex saying I’ve never raped her they still charge me it’s all a little bizarre

[Whatdoidonow]

Hi Manchesterboy,

Fully understand the annoyance of being charged. I can attest to how awful it feels, especially when you've done nothing wrong.

Charging decisions appear to be flip of a coin by CPS dependant entirely on who the prosecutor is. However they have a duty to constantly review the case based on the evidence submitted, so don't give up hope that as you proceed and show more of your evidence, properly presented in a defence packet, that they may drop the case even before it gets to the trial stage. We're hoping for the same with my case to be fair. And I've read about several such cases on here historically.

If you do have evidence of her saying you didn't rape her, yes this would be useful I'm sure of it. Make sure your solicitor knows about it and goes through the proper channels to ensure it's admissable in court. We're going through the same process now with digital forensics and it's a pain but easily done. Probably more difficult if it's your friends phone, but probably still doable.

If you've shown the OIC this and it's not mentioned in the full evidence disclosure ensure the solicitor is aware of this fact too. They have an obligation to put both useful and contradictory evidence in the case files.

When you get the IDPC closer to your magistrates date you should have a better idea of what their evidence is, albeit you may not know the full details. This will at least allow you to see what is being said and a broad overview of what they're stating their evidence is.

Did they take your phone at all? They never took mine because it was too historic to be a legitimate line of enquiry but I'd have assumed with yours being a bit more recent it might have better chance of showing the true nature of the relationship.

Hope the charging day went okay. Keep your head up. It sucks, but we're all here for you anyway.

[Manchesterboy]

Thank you for your message.
i went to the station the officer in charge charged me with 4 offences.
three being rape off a female over the age off 16 by penetration the anus.
and one coercive control.

i asked the officer has my solicitor been sending everything in to prove my innocence and he stating he sent in couple off screenshots regarding her sending two people I know messages saying I didn’t rape her.
the officer in charge went out to one off them people and seen the messages on the phone and clearly came from the alleged victims Facebook profile he stated he put a statement in with the file to prove he has seen the messages but cps has still decided to come with a charge.

he said to me before letting me go get all your defense sorted and basically send it all in before it gets to court.

i have videos off me and my previous parter having consensual sex after the alleged rape.

where’s she is stating she’s enjoying it etc.
ive also sent this in to my solicitor but I don’t think he’s sent it to the offfier in charge as it’s not the date she is alleged I’ve raped her.

shes basically saying she never consented to anal sex and was too drunk to consent to it.
its really frustrating we had consensual sex sometimes 6 times a day I don’t need to go rape my ex partner.
this is what is really annoying me and she’s blackened my name around my area now and I am not hated by a lot off people because she’s discussed this matter to every man and it’s dog.

i now have a charge and I have been summoned to court in magistrates in August now.
the officer in charge stated it may be up to 3 years before it gets to trail.

one thing I am extremely stressed about she’s stated I raped her in a hotel and she’s mentioned the hotel I’ve raped her in, she stated I raped her in June 2023 on one off the occasions but we didn’t go to the hotel until September 2023. And I remember the day like it was yesterday we had consensual sex and never once said no!!

On the allegation in 2024 we both attended a concert in Las Vegas 2 days later after she saying I’ve raped her.
and also a week after I alleged raped her she sends me love videos via WhatsApp of her singing a love song and states at the end off the call enjoy your dad baby I love you see you after work.

there is one allegation in 2022 , 2023 and also 2024.

there is only me and her in a room at the time and there’s only me and her who knows what has gone on how do I prove this ! This is really affecting my mental health now because I know I am innocent.
shes been taking to TikTok lately to post things regarding me but not stating my name so this week just gone I took her to court and the court issued her a non mol for one year.

any help or advice on this matter would be extremely appreciated.

also on your matter is this similar to what am going through ? What stage are you up to now ?

[Whatdoidonow]

Fully appreciate how hard it is man.

I do agree with you, it's very hard to see how the police and CPS come to some of these decisions. But it's here now, and we can only work through it step by step to prove yourself.

Your solicitor is probably thinking along the lines of consent in the videos doesn't prove consent otherwise, doesn't make them useless but it's worth understanding what they do give you. But you're also right that nobody really but you or her know the truth of those alleged nights. And that'll make it much harder for them to prove beyond a doubt there was no consent.

The videos, and your relationship with her outside of the alleged nights will play a part into this. As will the photos and messages from her to people saying you didn't do it.

Look to see what evidence you can get to prove the hotel night couldn't have happened when she says it does. These little things all add up into it. If you have any messages from her around the nights in question it's also worth looking for. You may have some consensual proof in those messages. Anything at all could be useful.

I think it's probably worth trying to argue the coercive and controlling point too if you can show the dynamic of your relationship as to being one this wasn't the case. It's not the way it's meant to work but it becomes harder for them to land the rape argument if they have a shaky foundation for the lesser coercive and controlling charge. They'd be using that as the basis for how and why the complainant didn't come forward sooner. If that doesn't land for rhem, it becomes harder to see why she stays in a relationship if these awful things have occurred. It doesn't make anything go away, but it does help you put that doubt in their mind.

I have a very similar argument to be made in my defence too. Although I've not been charged on it, this is apparently because my accusation predates the law it's still a big part of my defence.

And I'm pretty much in the same spot as you.. waiting on magistrates. Mine was delayed a few weeks so just waiting around now. I just want to get to the point we can submit our defence, at that point I can start hoping a sane prosecutor will see it for the farce it is.

[Manchesterboy]

Hi thank you for your message back .
another thing I want to note she’s had me arrested for dv over the last 4 years and always get out the station and we get back together straight away. Even when a non mol is in place it’s always been nfa or ( victim ) doesn’t support.
and on all the times I’ve been arrested was all after the alleged rape dates . And she never mentioned on all 4 occasions I’ve been arrested she’s never once mentioned rape it’s always he’s ringing threatening to smash the car or something,

the rape allegations come years later when we finally split up.
but she’s had 4 occasions where she’s spoke to the police and could off mentioned it you get me.
thisbis why am strsssing so much because it’s so untrue what she is saying .

[Franticwithworry]

I'm sorry to see this Manchesterboy. So many of these cases are utterly nonsensical. Good advice from Peter and I'm glad to see you and Whatdoidonow supporting one another. It's a horrible journey to be on and far more long-drawn out and mentally destructive than it should be. Please know though, that your not alone and lots of work is going on behind the scenes to raise awareness of the dreadful state our justice system is in. I for instance, have a growing body of data that I will be presenting to journalists and MPs before long and others are doing similar things. We are trying!!

[Manchesterboy]

Yeah it doesn’t make sense at all.
On one off the allegations was in 2022. We was at a hotel and one the same time she saying it happened in there hotel we went out around Windermere and had consensual sex on one off the boats … it is all laughable they have actually made a charging decision on this makes no sense at all.

other is in 2023 at another hotel.
She saying it happened in June we didn’t go to hotel until September and on and around after that hotel trip we both went to Thailand …
last one being in 2024 in Las Vegas.
she saying it happened in 2nd off the month we went to watch a concert on the 4th off that month.

throughout the relationship we must off been on 30 Abroad holidays with each other and some off them along side her children.

thing is once the relatinship ended he money stopped also I was giving her monthly so was a big hit to her.
i was providing for her and her children and was a walking cash machine for her.
everything was always about materialistic things in her eyes but in my eyes was love but hey ho we live and learn.
its made me a stronger person now but also broke at same time because trying to live your life with these allegations is really hard.

she got arrested few weeks back for stalking me etc and I took her to court and got a non mol order in place for 1 year.

also I have texts off her which I have just found after the 2023 allegations off her being right as rain with me saying she wants a nice quite life and wants me in it etc. and these texts are just after the alleged raped date!

the system is ****ed completely.
thing is the police have always had it out for me ever since I started getting arrested for other crimes criminal like fraud etc.

i just can’t seem to get my head around how they can charge someone off a statement from her… yes they may have statements from her friends or family regarding the coercive
control but I never did anything yes maybe I made the odd threat via the phone on call … after spending 50k on her garden and she kicks me out same night I am going to be upset but never once did I lay a finger on her or her property.

I moved and and have threatening phone calls asking me which girl am I with and if I don’t tell her she said watch what happens that is not someone who’s been raped through the year…. And worse thing about it not just rape …. But anal rape which she is saying happened on all 3 occasions all whilst she was drunk.


we had sex sometimes 6 times a day and would swap from vaginal sex to anal so why would I need to then rape my misses all doesn’t make sense.

has anyone on here been through something similar

[Manchesterboy]

Sorry I have just read all your message ( whatdoidonow). What have you been arrested over and what have they actually charged you on?
its all headache we don’t need these woman was happy enough staying in a relationship with us when all the money and gifts was coming in but soon as a woman is upset they come out with utter rubbish.

there should be a thing in place where they can only charge you if they have evidence. This charging you and letting the jury decide on the matter is a joke.
my solicitor has said this happens way to much he’s had 6 rape cases over the last year and everyone off them have been charged and sent to crown and trial and everyone off them got acquitted….
he said my evidence is 100 times better than there case so he said don’t worry at all.

but like you all know it’s easier said then done having this sort off stuff over you everyone has fell out with me I have had numerous threats made towards me via the phone etc.
ive had people come to my address and threaten me.
all over some false allegations.

yes I ain’t innocent when it comes to shouting on phone to my ex partner the odd time but never once did I coercive behaviour her or rape her.
we had arguments like every couple do but for them to charge me and leave me like this since January 2025 is a joke.

my mental state has got really bad last few weeks I’ve been involved in minds matter which is a mental health problem place where they try sort your mental state out.

One thing I should off done from day one was walk away when everyone was telling me to do so but you always think they will change and they never do if anything they get worse and worse.

if you ever need a chat let me know because it’s good to speak to people who’s in the same boat as you.
my friend is going through something similar but with his ex wife.
he split up with her moved on and his ex cried wolf saying he raped her 6 times throughout the marriage & coercive control & strangulation etc… he got arrested and was charged straight away wmd this was before Jan 2025.. his court date for crown is not until June 2027.