Partner has been charged

[pOPpy789]

My partner who was in a controlling coercive relationship with a not very nice woman for five years. Has now been charged with 6 accounts of rape during their relationship. He has autism and is very niave
for five years she controlled his finances and where he went. Was not allowed anywhere without her being there. She made him work her business and never paid him. She was violent towards him, he never reported it. When he left for the final time she screamed at him that he raped her. He said no I did not and left. She refused to give him all his possessions back.
one month later when he was at his social club which he has been part of for over 20 years the police arrested him on two accusations of rape in front of everyone he knew. She was on the phone to her friend asking if he had been picked up yet. After that one interview and two years under investigation, not heard a thing, he was charged with 6 accounts of rape last week, was only interviews about two, court date now set.
he attempted suicide last summer with his name being dragged through hell.
Never been involved with the police before and shocked that he has been charged when his phone messages, bank statements show the true nature of her controlling relationship. Also photos and videos of consenting sex between them both, that they both took.
The police have helped this evil woman carry on her rein of terror. We are both in hell and sick with it all

[Peter1975]

Hello there and welcome to the forum, although I'm sorry that you had to find us.

As horrible as your situation is, you seem to be doing the right thing gathering evidence to support your defence. Hopefully you will have a good solicitor and barrister, there is a list other members have had positive experiences of in our useful information section. Your partner may be entitled to additional support because of his autism so make sure you ask about this.

Assuming you are in England or Wales, the first court appearance will be at a magistrates and is purely an administrative exercise where your partner will just need to confirm his name and address and that he understands the charges, he won't be asked for a plea. The case will then be moved to a crown court for a plea and trial preparation hearing (PTPH) roughly a month later where a not guilty plea will lead to a trial be scheduled and this is likely to be several months away at the very least so you will have plenty of time to prepare both mentally and physically.

I'm afraid the forum has been very quiet for a couple of years now and although there are still a couple of us here to offer support and do our best to answer any questions you may have, you will find more immediate support in one of the busier forums listed in our useful info section.

Apart from instructing a good solicitor, the most important thing is to look after your health. Eating well and exercising will help with a gruelling and mentally draining time. Taking a break and making some time for yourselves will help too.

Feel free to come back any time and remember that you are not alone and far from the first to be going through this, It will be tough but you will make it out the other side. Everybody does.

[pOPpy789]

Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot when you feel like you’re drowning. We are gathering evidence and will contact the autistic society. He is the nicest gentlest man you would ever meet. The system is wrong!

[Casehardened]

A (belated) welcome to the forum,

Peter, as always, has given excellent advice but I just wanted to add a few words in defence of the system which presently seems stacked against you!

I wrote a (very) long post in the 'Useful Information' section regarding false accusations some years ago and I've just copied the first paragraph from this which may help you to understand the police's angle on this false accusation:


(Written on the basis that the accused person is reading the post)


Firstly, please consider that the fact that you have been able to search the internet for Falsely Accused support and have arrived at this page. This means that there is some doubt about your case; if the police had incontrovertible proof that you carried out the act of which you have been accused, you would have already been charged and remanded in custody awaiting trial.

What has happened to you is that someone has contacted the police and accused you of this offence. The police have a remit to investigate any crime and the political climate at the present time dictates that they investigate sexual and other offences against women and minors very thoroughly. Obviously the easiest way to start this investigation is to speak to the alleged perpetrator, hence you may have been arrested, cautioned, fingerprinted, DNA sampled, photographed, etc and locked in a cell as well as actually interviewed. Not a comfortable process and this may well be the first time you have been arrested and come into more than fleeting contact with the police force.

[Peter1975]

I think every innocent man or woman that has been arrested for something they haven't done will agree that the system stinks. I am still angry that supposedly trained specialist police officers failed to see that I was innocent and worse, I strongly suspect that they did but simply didn't care.

However, as natural as these feelings are in your situation, it's best to put them to one side. It's happening regardless of how unfair it is and you have to deal with it.

If the police never got it wrong, there would be no need for trials and your partner will get his chance to tell the jury the truth in due course.

[pOPpy789]

I understand, the police are doing their job, it just hard to understand why this has happened.
Will she have to give evidence in court are the defence allowed to question her or is she protected from having to answer questions?

[Peter1975]

You should receive a copy of the evidence bundle around the time of the first court appearance. This should contain all of the evidence the prosecution intend to rely on which will mainly be transcripts of the accusers and your partners recorded police interviews. One of the most difficult tasks is to try and read it dispassionately and in the third person which may give you some insight into how they think they have a case. It could be that in a high pressure situation and with his head still spinning, your partner simply didn't do very well during his interview for example so it's important to try and identify strengths and weaknesses in both the prosecution and defence cases so that you are prepared.

You will go through the bundle many times before and during the trial, Some good advice is to divide a piece of paper into three columns headed, what they say, what you say and what can be proven. A brief timeline of events is also recommended as this will aid your solicitor in getting to grips with your case.

The short answer is yes, she will have to give evidence and be questioned in court although she may choose 'special measures' and be hidden from your partner behind a screen or appear over a video link from another room. The accusers recorded police interview will be played in court as her 'evidence in chief' while her cross examination (the questioning) will be conducted by your defence barrister. Fairly recent changes allow for the cross examination to be pre recorded too, which means another court appearance where the cross exam takes place without a jury present and it will be played back to the jury during the trial. This is known as a section 28 trial and there are several advantages and disadvantages which I'm sure your solicitor will explain should the need arise. While it is unfair that accuser can choose not to face a jury, studies show that evidence played on a screen can lose its impact and that conviction rates are lower.

There are complex rules that prohibit certain lines of questioning, mainly pertaining to the sexual history of a complainant but again, I'm sure your solicitor and barrister will explain if this is the case.

Some good general advice is to write everything down and communicate with your legal team via email rather than phone so there is a record. You will only have a few in person conferences so taking a list of any questions and making notes while you are there can be very helpful.

[pOPpy789]

Can’t thank you enough for you help. This has been so useful! I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better. At least he will be able to have his say and we can prove the truth in court.

[Batmother]

Hello Poppy789. As Peter has mentioned, I too am sorry you find yourself in need of this forum, but welcome. Peter and Casehardened will keep you right and their kind words for me when I first found myself here stopped me from going up the walls with worry and anxiety.
Just having somewhere to vent to people who are/have been in the same or similar situations helped me no end.

The road ahead will not be easy but you will make it out the other side. It might feel like you can’t cope but you will even though it will be an utter crazy roller coaster, one day it will be over. Be kind to yourself, if you are able, confide in trusted family/friend(s) to help build a support network around you.

Expect to be up and down and somewhere in between frequently, it’s normal you’re only human, if needed contact your doctor for you and or your partner if youre not coping, they will help you.

My Husband was charged near the end of 2023 and we are still waiting to hear from the COPFS (we are in Scotland) for a court date. We had their disclosures of the ‘evidence’ against him back in May 2024.

Be kind to yourself, if you are able, build support around you maybe via trusted friends/family.

I had to persuade my husband to seek the doctors help as he was continually breaking down/crying and not sleeping for the first month or so. The doctor prescribed him anti depressants which helped him over the shock/anger/despair of being accused, he is off them now and we are both in a much better place.

Try not to over think or let your head ‘run away with the ball’ easier said than done I know, but we don’t know what’s going to happen and you’ll just make yourself ill imagining the worst and it’s exhausting.

Best Wishes, keep going, you will survive this.

[pOPpy789]

Hi Batmother, thank you for your support it means a lot. I’m so sorry you are going through the same thing. I read your story, it’s awful. I hope you find the reason why they are doing this.

I wake up every night sick with Aniexty . Then I spend the rest of the hours scrolling for information. I had two panic attacks, one at work. I’m trying to be strong for my partner but I’m not sure how you do it. You seem to be a stronger person than me. We have close friends that know what’s going on that we can talk to. I’m going to go to the doctors and see if I can get any help for my anxiety. I never had any serious mental health issues before. To be honest my partner seems to be taking it better than me this week. He says he’s not worried because he is innocent and he’s not had his say yet. But maybe he’s just holding it together for me or maybe he’s just blocking out what is to come. Last year he was so overwhelmed at one point he went missing and was found by a friend after an attempted suicide so I’m so scared it will happen again. I also feel a lot of guilt for not being stronger for him. I’m in a place I’d never expected to be in in my life.