Reputation and mental health

[innocent223]

Does anyone have any advice for how they cope with the aftermath of false allegations? How do you get your self confidence back after the traumatic experience?

In my story, my false accuser made it her mission to repeat her allegations to everyone at my University (including my so called 'friends and lecturers') - who, of course, all believed her.

(I am really shocked and not sure what to do. I also struggle with anxiety disorder so you can imagine how that plays up.)

To make matters worse, not only did I receive THREE NFAs, the police investigated her for a separate offence (which was also NFA - and I secured an injunction against her for posting false allegations on the internet).... even though I am innocent until proven guilty.. and all of this ^ casts doubt on her entire credibility as an alleged victim, people I thought I knew took her side and, to this day, refuse to speak to me.

It seems that people automatically ostracise the accused.. even where there is pertinent and credible evidence proving the accuser perverted the course of justice.. ? One person told me ' I didn't know who to believe' .. surely you should believe I'm innocent unless there's any evidence at all that I committed a crime? I am thinking - are these just unreasonable people? Or is this common? I told my best mate that the analogy is if you were accused of burgling someone's home ... surely you should believe the accused until it is proven they were the burglar? Not assume they are a burglar by default?

I was not accused of rape but coercive control and harassment and a computer-related offence... However the police saw through most of the nonsense. With regards to the computer related offence.. I was offered an 'Adult Simple Caution' - but this is being removed because I denied the offence in the interview and persistently maintained my innocence yet the OIC was, for want of a better expression, "bent" and made it his mission to incriminate anything I said even though I maintained my innocence - I am also taking this up with the Professional Standards department. At one stage I provided 4,000 pages of messages on a USB drive which was returned to me? Despite that evidence being the evidence that is removing the caution?

There are also other aspects to the corruption - such as him admitting on one email to the complainant "we cannot evidence the harassment or coercive control and [me] denied everything in interview"... yet sending me an email saying "if you don't sign the caution form we will refer the whole case to the CPS' - I will not go into the endless list of police procedures and policies that are there to protect the innocent that this has breached - not least requiring a realistic prospect of conviction.

If you are wondering what the serious offence was? She accused me of logging into her Facebook.. even though she gave me the password. The police were making a mountain out of molehill because they wanted an outcome basically. I had all of the proof that this was authorised and yet they ignored it and decided to bully me into the position I am in.

I obviously won't detail my entire case unless that be for a separate post but any advice to my original question would be extremely helpful.

[Casehardened]

A warm welcome to the forum though, as we usually say, sorry that you needed to find us.

I'm not sure that I feel able to offer any advice on how to cope with the aftermath as everyone seems to deal with it differently but take comfort in that this forum is fairly quiet nowadays: this seems tio indicate that, whilst folks find it useful when they are dealing with a false accusation, they do then move on up and away once NFA'd.

Having said this, it would be surprising if you could ever completely forget about the accusation, so don't beat yourself up about this, it will be an achievement when it only occupies 10% of your thoughts!

[Peter1975]

I think the most common way to recover from a false allegation is... slowly.

It does seem like you have been treated badly by the police. You certainly aren't the first there sadly. As there is a paper trail this should help with your complaint to PSD. Good luck with that but don't expect too much or a quick resolution.

Your burglar analogy isn't very realistic. If someone tells you that Johnny is a burglar, you might be fair and think that it's for the courts to decide but you would be a fool to not watch your stuff when he's about would you not? If it was never proved, it might still take you a while to fully trust him again.

The presumption of innocence is just another way of saying that the prosecution must prove its case. It doesn't have any real defined meaning outside of a courtroom and it becomes complicated when the "jury" are mutual friends, family or colleagues. To presume you are innocent your friends would have to presume her lying and vice versa and so you might appreciate the difficult position they may have felt themselves in .It's also a fact that some people are judgemental. Some won't want to get involved or try to sit on the fence while being pulled in opposite directions and some will take sides based on whatever prejudices or loyalties they have. Human beings are not always good at spotting the truth either and I always thought of my innocence as a shield to protect myself from those that got their judgement wrong. Who cares what anyone else thinks when you know the truth?

Many people will tell you that being falsely accused is a sure way to find out who your real friends are and you will know who to forgive, keep your distance from or cut loose. The good friends will help you move on as will hobbies and most importantly, working hard to be successful at whatever you do with the rest of your life. There is often an element of an accuser wishing to ruin the life of the accused and as Frantic wisely says, the best revenge is a life well lived, so you might use that to spur you on too.