Released after 18 months on remand - Found Not Guilty

[Anonymous77]

The good news is, I am free to write this.
The Not so Good news - it took 18 months on remand, with a 15 year sentence hanging over my head to get to this point.

My Charges:
26 charges, the most serious of which were Rape of 3 women, bestiality, abuse of a minor and 1 sexual assault. The rest were domestic related and mainly to one person.. 7 complainants in total.

Every single charge was dropped before being sent to a jury, the Judge (female) asked the prosecutor to stay behind on the last day of evidence, 72 hours later I walked out of court with no convictions. The Judge spoke with the prosecutor, the prosecutor spoke to the head prosecutor and the head prosecutor spoke to the chief "officer of the law" whomever that is and they all agreed the case should never have been taken to court. "Lessons should be learned" the judge said..

So I was released there and then, into a city i'm not familiar with, 200 miles or so from home, with no money and in all honesty a head that is about to explode.

I'd like to give a quick example of the type of complainant featured here. They had managed to find my very first girlfriend from 22 years ago. And needled her into her saying that she once had sex with me when she wasn't in the mood. 22 years later I learn this, that once in 4 years she wasn't in the mood but failed to tell me for 22 years. This poor girl was not a complainant, she was the victim of an over zealous domestic abuse team desperate for corroboration to nail me. I sat and watched her give evidence having been dragged 200 miles away from her home and children, to stand there and say I had done nothing wrong. The prosecutor looked on completely bewildered. "Why is this poor woman here" I could hear them thinking just that. The blood drained from their faces that someone had gotten it so wrong to charge me with rape.

It all stemmed from a long custody battle going back 6 years, a custody battle I had won. With a sheet of paper in my hand I walked out of court happy with 50/50 access to my kids. Every weekend, phonecalls, half of all holidays, half of all in service days, every second birthday and every second xmas. Little did I know when I walked away on that happy day just how bitter people can be.

Since then I have been reported for driving with no insurance, the police said is was a malicious call. Driving drunk, another malicious call (they appeared at my work that day) HMRC reported for tax fraud. Stalking. Having a marijuana farm! Then despite all those calls being fraudulent I answered my door at 9am and found 2 policemen at my door with a list of charges i took as a complete joke. That joke cost me 18 months, my job, my god, my access to my children, my reputation and my mental health (which will recover)

Almost all the complaints were a direct result of a domestic abuse team looking to build a case, the witnesses said on stand that they had been "prompted"to answer questions a certain way.

I could go into more detail if anyone is interested but i'll leave it there for the complaints, needless to say there was zero merit to any of them.

The Experience.

On remand for 18 months. My cellmates include a guy that raped his 3 daughters. A guy that raped a 2 year old. A guy that installed hidden cameras in toilets. A guy that raped his blind sister.

Called beast, a pedo, a monster, every day. Threatened to be stabbed and cut up. The threat of 15 years of this over my head. I felt GUILTY, I feel like a sex offender. I was treated like a sex offender and i lived with sex offenders.

Thankfully - I'm a decent, educated, mild mannered guy, this was noticed quite quickly. So I got the pass job, they volunteered me for the gardens as the gardener had to self isolate, and i became the carer of the two "Monks" who were quite elderly. So whilst everyone was locked up 23 hours a day due to covid, i was out all day and spent a lot of that busy gardening, cleaning or playing pool with the officers. Quite simply, I made the best of a terrible situation. Regardless of that though, it has came with a cost. Financial and mental. I'm down by all my savings which I used to support myself and pay my outdoor bills with no income. I feel lucky, I still have my house. However I am the rapist that got away with it, some will think that. My business is down the tubes, and I had to give away the dog I love. Access to children? Where do I even start from here.

I've been out 3 weeks and have not gone home yet. I'm extremely nervous about doing so. The entire situation is still very real.

Trial:

First trial was cancelled because of covid. That would be April. Eventually it was scheduled from around Oct 20th. So they transferred me to another prison where i had to self isolate. It turns out court was cancelled for another 2 weeks, so i was stuck in a single cell with no excersize and allowed out at 7.30am for 15 minutes each morning when they remembered. (a great way to get ready for trial) Then they transferred me to court each day for 5 days with court never being called, so each day i stayed in a 3 ft by 7 ft cell for 8 hours with no interaction. So that's 3 weeks of almost zero social contact on top of the 18 months of hell. Then 5 days of listening to witnesses collapse on the stand before realising it was all over.

The End:

I was in my cell at 7pm, an officer opened the hatch and said. "get your jail clothes on you have a visit". A VISIT? during covid there are no visits at 7pm..... She said yes this is unusual.

I go downstairs, the new officer said. "They booked it as an emergency" I wait 45 mins in a room on my own wondering what the hell, but rather hopeful as this is a strange scenario. 3 lawyers appear (2 QC's) and they say. "We're not going to keep you in suspense, they have dropped all charges and it is hardly surprising"

It felt like a dream, an alternate reality. Like I had done something right in prison that had affected the quantum ripples of life.

I'm sorry if this was rather disjointed. It is my first communication about any of this.

I am not guilty. I feel guilty, I feel like I have done something wrong even though I know I haven't. The whole experience has dirtied me and I am going to need to change that and turn it into a positive. I want to scream outloud I AM NOT A RAPIST.

Thank you for reading.

wp

[Casehardened]

Hello and a warm welcome to the forum (though as we usually add, sorry that you needed to find your way here)

There are some awful experiences of the justice system recounted on this forum but yours is exceptional in that you were remanded to trial, most folks are bailed which does make it easier to prepare both mentally and practically. I presume that the decision to remand rather than bail was due to the nature of the charges brought against you but it is so unfair that these seem to have pursued at all costs rather than reviewed. I guess that the prosecutors felt unable to admit hey were wrong and just kept going the wrong way down a one way street.

Thank you for taking the time to recount your experiences and this leads to a suggestion: I am part way through a interesting book; (Prison Diaries by Denis MacShane) and wonder if you'd could write something similar, though nowadays the way forward seems to be through desktop publishing to Kindle rather than the printed page..

You have a gift for the written word so perhaps you are already a professional writer? At best you will publicize your experience to a wider audience (and might even make some money out of it!) at worst it may catharize your wounds, I certainly found this to be so.

Congratulation on surviving and best wishes for the future.

[Anonymous77]

Hi Casehardened

Many thanks for your reply, which I did read but never did reply to.

I've been out 6 months now, and I'm recovering and rebuilding. I'm finally home to my own house with my own garden which was 5ft tall in weeds but I have repainted the house and redone the garden, all very healing.

I'm certainly not a professional writer by any means, or an expert in this subject, although 18 months inside makes me at least "experienced" I guess. I'm still letting it all settle in and making plans but I may write about it all in the future. I'd like to read your book if you finish it or if you want help proofreading i would happily give you a hand.

I'll stick around now I'm settled and read through the forum,.maybe I can offer some advice having been through the process from start to finish. I've ran forums before so know the format well.

Again, thank you for the reply and the opportunity to breath the first words to anyone about all this on my release. There are not many forums like this one so it is good to have a unique platform for a subject that is so very tricky and sensitive.

Best wishes,

Matt

[Peter1975]

Hello Matt...

FML you have endured a lot. You are certainly welcome to post here although, sadly, you may not find the immediate support you may be looking for. DM is not as busy as it once was and at present remains more as a legacy than a live tool, However, the traffic reported suggests that whatever you may offer will be read by those looking for sensible advice and I know from experience that sensible advice can be in short supply in the falsely accused arena.

I'm glad to hear you are rebuilding and keeping yourself busy. It seems to me that you are doing all the right things. Part of the reason DM is quiet is because the majority of people move on and I would say that this is the most healthy way. Being falsely accused changes us all to some degree and it will never completely leave us but over time, you will think about things less and less as you find and create happier memories. You survived and did great. You deserve some happiness and good luck now. Keep cool. Be kind to yourself.

On a different note, I am worried about Casehardened. and I hope he is alright as he hasn't been around for a while. I literally only keep my obligations as an admin to DM because of this great man. I cannot express how much respect I have for his kind words and wisdom over the years.

[Anonymous77]

Good Morning Peter

Thanks for the reply. I see Casehardened "liked" my post so he's still alive n kicking which is great news if you were worried.

Yes it's all a case of moving on now, there were lots of worries when I was first released which have largely never transpired. What would my neighbours think, my friends etc. All who have been very supportive. I'm still nervous whenever I hear a knock at the door but that too is slowly dissipating.

That horrible feeling of guilt is leaving too, despite me knowing full well I was innocent I stil felt guilty due to the process and charges. My mental strength is returning and zest for life

Forums such as this are are a dieing breed I'm afraid, social media has taken over as the platform of choice. However I spent a good evening reading through all the older posts in here and it was far more informative than any social media group I have looked at so it's great to have it here still even if it's not used so much.

One thing I still suffer from is as mentioned above, I do at times feel guilty still. When I engage in conversation about it I feel the need to press to people WHY I was found not guilty and HOW it all came about... I have that feeling that I need to be believed and that some people will always have nagging doubts. I wish I could put them into court to see how it all happened and why the judge and prosecutor abandoned trial. But this is normal, I've accepted the process and am not battling with it as I have without a doubt came to appreciate all that life has to offer.

For those currently going through it all though, it's just a nightmare situation to be involved in. It's the unknown, waiting for trial or charges to be dropped, knowing it has the potential to scar you for life.

Approx 50% of people I met in prison would say they were not guilty, another 25% would have an excuse for their behaviour and it really was the rare few that admitted fully to their offences. I met one person only that I believed may have been not guilty and he was given 7 years for "domestic rape" which I had doubts about based on talking to him.

Most people I'm afraid are guilty. I took a phonecall from someone wanting help with his case, he had joined a falsely accused forum and asked to speak to me. 20 minutes in I realised he was 100% guilty and looking for ways out.... so I'm wary but also know that it does happen and people do get falsely accused for a number of reasons. It's a minefield though, as much as I want people to take me for my word, i know what there's many protesting their innocence that are in fact guilty. So it's tough, for the courts and for us FA to help others.

One of my biggest frustrations with the whole process was how difficult it was to prove my innocence. The amount of evidence I was not allowed to use, the lack of fact checking by the police, they could easily have followed up on sections of my FAs statement by checking phone records, Facebook, email & car records but instead just took her statement as factual. Instead the onus was on me to do all that from within prison which was nigh on impossible to do well through a third party. Even after I had managed that, they reinterviewed and my FA admitted to lieing yet they still continued with charges, it wasn't until court that this made any difference.

From what I'm aware, they are looking at ways to make this even more difficult so they can improve conviction rates. Improved conviction rates can mean only one thing.....more innocent people being found guilty at any cost to appease the media. The saving grace is that during trial, it is very difficult to lie convincingly. My accuser attempted this, then all the anomolies showed up and she admitted to making the entire "story" up. Case dismissed. No charges for perjury?

It's tough, I'm out the other side but for each and every person in my position I feel for them, there is literally no worse accusation.

Sorry I've gone on a bit here, still drinking my several morning coffees!

[Casehardened]

Hello Peter & Matt,

It's so kind that you were concerned about my apparent absence and, yes I did click on the 'likes' this morning to prove I was still around.

My compliments again to Matt for another interesting read, though obviously I'm sure you would much preferred not to have gathered the material to put down on screen! However being as it is, I wonder if folks will now log onto the forum in the hope that this thread is updated! Social media tends to be instant thought stream while a forum prompts a bit of prose polishing before posting.

Having had the ordeal of being remanded to trial you will have considerable insight into procedures and so would be able to offer valuable advice to others.

My own scribblings progressed no further than a folder in my documents file but it was helpful at the time to pen them on the assumption that one day they might form a magazine article though they never publish unless the accuser has been convicted of PCJ (I did once get paid for an article on a completely unrelated subject so i suppose I could claim to be a professional writer )

It's rather a cliche to say that time heals but for a few years now I've forgotten to remember the 'anniversary' date of my arrest though the details are still very clear and most days other stuff crowds out the memories. As you mentioned, being back home must help with beginning to feel normal again.