Police

[fozzyb]

Hi everyone, after reading many posts I have to say I seem to see a common thing in the fact that the police use a tactic by trying to make the (accused) very unstable, emotional and scared, This certainly sums up how I felt and I just want to get it off my chest that after it happened to me and I can see that i'm not the only one, I now have little or no faith in the police force. I know that they have a duty to carry out and catch out the real evil people out there but for the many more such as myself that are completely innocent it is such a dirty, disgusting tactic to use, to make someone feel totally abandoned and sick to their stomach with worry I cant help but now feel this way towards them.

I know it seems like i'm rambling on for no good reason but to me it's cathartic to get it off my chest. What the police made me feel 8 months ago I will never forget and to this day it still brings me down. I wish anyone who is going through this or is being affected by this all the best of luck in their future, as for myself my future has been all but ended by these horrific allegations, so again I would like to say hang in there and hopefully things will get better, strange thing is I believe it can get better for others, but for myself I don't, I have little faith for my future and feel totally helpless. Good thing about this site is my family don't know about it and won't see my posts because to their face I like to pretend everything is ok, I would be lost without this site and can't thank the people who run it and all the people who write on it for the advice and support they offer.

Sorry for the rant, just been a tough few months and even tougher last few days.

[Denise]

Aw you know we will always listen and give you a shoulder

I really hope things work out for you
Sometimes, just when you least expect them, something nice happens in life
Certainly time for it eh ?
((hugs))
Xx

[LS]

It will get better for you. You can get work, find a partner, live a happy life.

It's those who've been wrongly convicted for whom life actually stops. They have to (by law) declare they're a sex offender (and place themselves in danger, again by law) when they apply for work, partners run a mile once they find out about your past, and friends are something you cannot afford to have, so living actually stops. It's waiting for death.

So no, your life hasn't stopped. It's there for the taking as and when you're ready to.

[Faith]

fozzyb, perhaps it will help to consider exactly what you want from your future. Do you want to be married? What job do you want? Do you want to go somewhere on holiday? have children?

Then consider which of those you can't do and why.
If you can't think of any legitimate reasons why they CAN'T happen (and I can't) then your life can move on.

LS is very right in what he says. Consider how much worse it could have been

Also, is it worth moving this thread to the falsely accused section?

[fozzyb]

Thanks for that, kind words really go a long way with me I'm usually a very positive person but i'm just angry at the way I and others have been treated by the police, it seems that I and other people are already guilty in there eyes. This week has been especially tough because I have been attending college for the last year and a half and going to university in September (nursing) and due to these allegations (made by my ex wife) I have now been kicked off my course as my lecturer felt it was too much stress, to me it wasn't, it was the opposite, it gave me focus and drive. On top of that because I have two kids with my ex I am not allowed to contact them and I seen them in the shopping center and my ex dragged them away crying for me, I felt totally helpless I couldn't give them a cuddle and make them feel better. My mum is very stressed with it all and I feel guilty because I cant just make it all better for her and my family, I would do anything to change things but knowing that I cant wave a magic wand really brings me down. I can cope with all the **** that gets thrown at me but knowing it's hurting people close to me, that's what I can't handle.

I have an amazing girlfriend who has stuck by me but I'm worried that as she has two kids the social work will want to get involved with them, and if it comes to that I would walk away, not because I don't love her, because I do with all my heart, but because I would never bring that stress to her or her kids.

All i ever wanted was to make people happy, to make my kids, family and partner proud of me but with this hanging over me, I don't think this will happen now. I really don't want to sound that I am moaning or complaining as I know there are people worse off than me and I know how lucky I am to have great support, I'm just waiting on something else to come along and **** things up even more. I really appreciate you'r kind words and can't thank you's enough, hard times just seem to be getting worse rather than better.

[fozzyb]

Faith I don't know how to move it to that section, and the job I want was to work in nursing (adult or mental health) and after all this it seems to be a very distant dream, I would love to marry my girlfriend but as I say I would not want the social work involved with them, I don't know if they would though. The thing I want more than anything is my kids back, It's going to be a hard struggle and has been so far but they are what keeps me fighting.

[Faith]

Having an NFA on record certainly makes it a little more difficult but it is by no means impossible.
It is at an employers discretion whether or not to hire someone. If you are honest and up front and prove you are the best man for the job, there's nothing to stop you getting the job

[fozzyb]

Thanks faith, yeah I know what you mean and that's the attitude I have when it comes to employment, but it's not that i'm worried about just now, practical is what has controlled my life and when I look at how things are emotionally then it's a total train wreck just now. Sorry again, just needed a rant. Don't mean to cause any offence or upset.

[Faith]

One of the main functions of this place is to rant and offload. It helps. Please carry on

[fozzyb]

Thanks faith, I'm not the ranting type, I usually bottle it all up and don't talk about it so wanted to get it all off my chest. Just been a tough couple of months and a really **** week on top of all that. Like I say I know that there are a lot of people worse off than me and I really do wish them the best of luck in everything they do, just wish I could turn back time and make everything better for my kids and family.

[fozzyb]

Just wanted to ask a question, doe's anyone know if the social work would try to get involved with my girlfriend as she has kids? or will that only happen if there is a criminal charge? which i'm pretty sure there will never be, thanks.

[Faith]

Do you live with the kids? If so, it is somewhat likely, although they would probably have gotten involved by now.
If not, I would predict that it wouldn't be necessary BUT...there is never any guarantee.
You can never second guess SS.

Sorry for the late reply, only just noticed this. Someone with more experience of SS might be able to offer more reassurance, my advice is more gut feeling rather than knowledge, I'm afraid!

[fozzyb]

Thanks faith, no worries about the late reply, I know everyone has busy lives, appreciate the advice. I stay over now and again but i have my own place where I stay, I thought that as well that they would have got involved before now and they are are aware that I am dating her and she has children and that I stay over, but like you say there is no guarantee eh. Do you know if there is anyone on this site who might have better knowledge of the SS? Like I was saying before, if it came to it I would not involve them in this as it's not fair on them or putting my girlfriend under that extra pressure. Thanks.

[Faith]

I will run it by someone I know who is knowledgable on SS and get back to you

I would say that seeing as you don't live with her, then it seems unlikely they would get involved at this stage

However, I would prepare yourself for it, if a charge came.

[fozzyb]

Thanks for that faith, I really do appreciate it. Don't want to sound overly confident here but as i know nothing ever happened I am confident in the fact that there wont be a charge, but I never thought this would ever happen either so yeah I will prepare myself for anything, thanks again.