Husband charged with sex crimes

[katey]

My Husband has been charged (oct 06) with several sexual offences including rape dating back from 1998 to 2004. I have been to hell and back we have been together for 15 years and so I have been with him throughout the time of all the attacks. At the time he was arrested I was 25 weeks pregnant with our second child and my 3 year old was asllep in her bed. it was a dawn raid at 645am (a day I will never forget) I have been through every emotion possible I have officially complained to the police about the nature of the dawn raid but had no response frm them (they state no response until after the trial sep 07) The reason of my complaint well I was knocked almost to the ground being heavily pregnant and my daughter was grabbed from my husband by a raid policemman (something which she is still having severe behavioural problems and night terrors about) and my way was blocked from being able to get to her as she was screaming for me. I want to hate someone but i don't know who, do I hate my husband? or the system? i have been standing by my husband because at the moment I have to for my childrens sake and I still do not believe he has commited these crimes but my mind is in turmoil I had to have my baby boy all on my own (jan 07) and have been forced into single parenthood. I know I will not get closure on this until the trial but it is eating away at me so much has anyone else been in a silmilar situation with kids? How did u cope? My family are all standing by me and him and most of our friends are everyone still in shock as he is such a lovely bloke but I still hang onto the fact that he may well be found guilty and if he is then looking at a life sentence and something i could never forgive him for. How the hell do I get through the next five months waiting for d-day? Also has anyone had problems with the press? How do you deal with them I have already had the clammering for my story and I have got a panic button fitted at home for my protection. I am going to be a witness for the dfence and that also scares the hell out of me being cross examined I didnt ask for any of this to happen why do I feel like a victim too! Sorry this is like an essay but I have so many unanswered questions and two small kids who just want their daddy home.
Katey x

[Rights Fighter]

You would probably have a case for assault. If you need any further advice and support please feel free to email me rightsfighter@pafaa.org.uk

If you let me know in that email which part of the UK you are in we might have a PAFAA group member close by you could contact.

RF

[Saffron]

how can you cope?

Hi Katey

You poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I take it your husband is on remand, which is why you gave birth to your son alone, and are now a single parent.

I don't pretend to know exactly how you feel, but I do have a glimmer of understanding. My husband was sentenced to 12 months for indecent assault (his acuser withdrew the rape allegation) and I have stood by him throughout the whole ordeal. the question you need to ask yourself is, do you believe in your heart of hearts that he is innocent? If you do, then the burning rage and sense of injustice will help drive you forwards.

You could go to the police complaints commission about the treatment you received from them, regardless of whether you have been told to wait for the verdict or not - www.ipcc.org.uk. They are duty-bound to investigate, and they are supposedly an independant body. after all, it was not you the police were there to arrest, and to manhandle a heavily pregnant woman, and physically restrain a distressed child from going to her mother is unforgiveable. have you told your solicitor about this? it may be relevant to your case in terms of abuse of process. I am not sure, but Rights Fighter will be able to advise you.

I would also advise you go to your GP. I was referred to specialist counselling, and it did help. I also took up lots of physical activity - unusually for me, as i am normally extremely lazy! If your family and his family are being supportive, you could ask them to look after the kids for a couple of hours while you do something entirely for yourself. My physical activity was not very glamourous - I did LOADS of housework. but it helped take my mind off things, and made me feel good when I had finished.

I also sent my husband photos of every room in the house, and the garden. There is also a service offered by most phone companies whereby you can divert your home phone to your mobile if you are going out. The person calling you only pays the cost of the call to the landline, and you are billed for the cost of the call from your landline to your mobile. I found this particularly helpful, as it meant I never missed a call from my husband. I kept a kind of diary, which I wrote in every day, and then posted to him once a week.

In the run up to the trial, I got myself as involved in the case as possible. I chased his (useless!) solicitor, went through paperwork looking for anything to support his word, and researched similar cases. it wasn't of any practical help, but it could be different for you.

with regard to the press, I would write to them telling them to back off. I wrote to our local papers telling them they were putting my and my children's lives at risk by printing our names and addresses. Our garage was broken into and trashed, and we received threatening phone calls. the police were no help at all. all I can tell you is that today's news is tomorrows chip wrappers. not helpful, but very true.

As for being a defence witness - well, scary indeed. A word of reassurance though - if you are scared, and are there to speak the truth, imagine how scared the accuser(s) will be, knowing they are there to tell lies. Rather cynically, I would advise both you and your husband to cry on the witness stand if you feel like it - I know this sounds awful, but the accusers almost certainly will, and although juries are usually told not to be swayed by sympathy or emotion, they most certainly are.

I will be thinking of you. Feel free to email/PM me if you would like to talk.

Good luck.

[kskc]

hi i know this is a bit late but my husband has just recently been accused of sexual assault. i am completely alone here. i dont know how u coped especially with babies to look after but i can't even cope on my own.
i'm standing by husband also but it's very hard. i feel very ashamed. the police officers looked at me as though i'm the one to blame. they just feel completely okay with the fact they are wrecking everything i love. i'm really lost and confused. have no idea what to do. the solicitor my husband has doesn't seem bothered at all in finding out the truth.
what do i do?? these days who can afford to pay for a big shot lawyer?? i already spent over £1000 with an immigration lawyer.

[Unregistered]

hiya sorry for delay answering

Hiya I just read your reply I dont know what to say apart from hold your head high and believe what you knw to be true the police are ******** and will try to twist everything.I am still struggling life is hard but you do over time adapt to a new kind of normal I know I have my kids which is great most of the time but havin a 5 yr old and a 22 mths old is tough on your own some days. And some eves I still have a great big cry esp with xmas comin. My hubby was convicted and is serving a life sentence with poss parole in 9 years but he is seeking the appeal route which is so slow its unbelievable. I have goo ddays an dbad days days where I hate my hubby and days when I adore him to bits I still believe and protest his innocence but it is tough and he is placed in a prison over 300 miles away so visitin is a real toughie with th ekids we have to fly up and that is hard with 2 little ones on your own so we only get up to see him once evry cpl mths. My daughter is havin horrendous tantrums and no one knws wht to do even gp says its strange circumstances and we shld grin and bear it, its funny how you do become stigmatised with havin a partner as a convicted sex offender. I can just offer my support as someone who has gone thru this and a great discussion group is pcuk give out lots of great advice and we r al in same boat with partners inside good luck hun keep me posted xx

[kskc]

hey, u seem to be coping well. i don't have any kids and i can't even cope on my own. are you family or friends supporting you? i did tell a couple of my friends what has happened but after a few phone calls off them i realised they have already made up their minds what happened. i thought the police were there to help but after talking with the arresting detective at the first court hearing i don't think i'll be able to trust another policeman again. i'm really sorry to hear u only see ur hubby every couple of months. i do hope you're okay. thanks for you reply. what's the discussion group you mentioned??

Hiya I just read your reply I dont know what to say apart from hold your head high and believe what you knw to be true the police are ******** and will try to twist everything.I am still struggling life is hard but you do over time adapt to a new kind of normal I know I have my kids which is great most of the time but havin a 5 yr old and a 22 mths old is tough on your own some days. And some eves I still have a great big cry esp with xmas comin. My hubby was convicted and is serving a life sentence with poss parole in 9 years but he is seeking the appeal route which is so slow its unbelievable. I have goo ddays an dbad days days where I hate my hubby and days when I adore him to bits I still believe and protest his innocence but it is tough and he is placed in a prison over 300 miles away so visitin is a real toughie with th ekids we have to fly up and that is hard with 2 little ones on your own so we only get up to see him once evry cpl mths. My daughter is havin horrendous tantrums and no one knws wht to do even gp says its strange circumstances and we shld grin and bear it, its funny how you do become stigmatised with havin a partner as a convicted sex offender. I can just offer my support as someone who has gone thru this and a great discussion group is pcuk give out lots of great advice and we r al in same boat with partners inside good luck hun keep me posted xx