Marriage. . . . Help

[Ebony2006]

I accepted my boyfireds proposal a few days ago I felt like I was on cloud nine until . . . . . .

I went around the parents house and all the family started to speak their mind explaining to me all the reasons under the sun as to why they do not believe that I love their son and then they ended their heart breaking speech by saying . . . ."Welcome to the Family"!

It CUT LIKE A KNIFE! but now I don't ever want to see or speak to them again. I do love my hubby dearly and would honestly do anything for him.

Right now I am feeling so angery and upset! not only becuase of what was said to me by the family but also because after listening to them I have come to realise that they have had more than a few family gatherings and have spoken about our relationship in detail. . .things that I believe should be kept between two people.

Its' also made me realise that I after all these years all the smiles and warm welcomes into the family home has been nothing but a FAKE and a FRONT for the sake of the son being happy!

Am I wrong for now not being willing to participate with his family?

I'm having second thoughts about acceptance to marriage?



Ebony x

[littlemoo]

You need to talk to him and see how he feels about it. If you both love each other and wish to have a life together he should stick up for you when his family says things like that.

Don't rush into the marriage until you are sure that you have come to terms with his family, his relationship with them and you and your relationship with him.

~Jo

[diana_holbourn]

It must be upsetting to know they haven't been honest with you all this time and that they feel the way they do.

Why didn't your boyfriend stick up for you? Why isn't he trying to explain things to them so as to put you in a better light now? Why did he discuss his relationship with you with them behind your back? I think you ought to talk these things through with him.

I think it would be worth discussing with him how much of his parents he'd want you to see if you did get married. Hopefully he'll understand that it would be wrong to put pressure on you to see them more than you want to.

People do sometimes change their attitudes over time, especially after any children are born. It may be that they'll welcome you more then.

But maybe some of these things are misunderstandings that can be sorted out if you arrange to talk things through with them, preparing what you want to say first.

Some parents get jealous, disliking people because they're worried they'll take their sons away from them. Maybe telling them all the things you've done and are planning to do that show you do love him will reassure them a bit, and if he can reassure them that they won't be losing him, that might help as well.

[rose]

hi,

I got married in december also had problems with my in laws, it wont be as bad after you're married cause then they will habe to keep thier son close and to keep seeing him, the y have to keep him happy to keep him happy they need to keep you happy.
You may think this will be difficult planning the wedding? No. The role of they mother of the bride is to show up, shut up, and wear beige.
Do however to keep here from nagging you ask her to make out a list of family nad thier close family frineds she would like invited with thier contact details.
It is also thier responsibilty to plan the rehearsdal dinner. make sure she doesnt use your colurs as you want your wedding day unique.
Maybe also try not to ask your fince to spend lots of time with your family, he may ask same of you. However being the bride you will need a little more time with your mum. And keep him out the plans if you can.