Where do I start !!

[Petrified now !!!!]

I have been stalking this site for a long time, and finally I have taken the plunge and joined...... I am very nervousness about this and feel sick already!!!! Have I done the right thing???
We are pretty far into the process and the court date is only in a few months time !!! Daren't really post anything specific as I'm struggling to trust anybody. All I can say is my husband has been falsely accused of historic indecent assault on several people all members of same family from many years ago ... My husband is taking all this far easier and stronger than me. He says that it's easier for him because he knows the truth and he will fight for his life!!! I just feel like I can't really take anymore .....

[RFLH]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I hope by lurking that you've picked up some tips and found some useful advice. We know how you're feeling - but if you have any questions - just fire away and hopefully you'll get some answers.

[Petrified now !!!!]

Thanks

Thank you for a quick reply! I suppose the biggest and most impossible question is "how do you convince a jury that your innocent when they don't know you ??"
I'm scared what to actually put as I'm worried who reads.
We have had some positive points... I.e nothing in the newspaper, I have managed to keep social services at a distant (we have children same age as the fa's claim assault happened ). My children don't know yet but it is getting very close for the time to tell them what's happening.
I have finished typing husbands notes on the actual liars interview transcripts and handed them to solicitor today. The biggest find apart from the obvious collaboration of points is that all this comes out a smokescreens for there messed up lives.
The motive is most definatley compensation because we have done very well in life and they all keep mentioning money !!!
Through all my lurking and my own experience of this situation is how easy it is to destroy somebody's life if your are that evil!!!

[Faith]

Ask your solicitor if they can try and find out if theyve made a claim for compensation. It isnt always possible to get this information but worth an ask.

[Yorkster]

Welcome to the forum you are in the right place for advice on how to handle this but so sorry you have had to find your self in this prediciment . You seem to be doing the right thing by doing some digging .
Just want to wish you and your hubby well in this fight you are facing . And don't forget you are not alone . We're all here for reasons similar . And all help each other

[lonley place]

Hi and welcome, I can't add anything to the excellent advice already given, My hubby was also falsely accused of historical
abuse and rape, If you need a shoulder don't hesitate to contact me. LP

[Petrified now !!!!]

Numb today !!!

Thanks lonely place.
At the moment feel so numb, can't seem to shake this feeling off. I Am very lucky to have a husband as strong as he is !!! He amazes me how he just carries on but I wouldn't expect anything else from someone who is 100% innocent.
Everyday is different, my emotions are all over the place but my hubby is adamant he will prove his innocence. he is nervous at going to court and telling the truth ( not even prepared to plea bargain in any way) but he thinks that the fa's will feel far worse because they have to keep the lies going!!!!
Xxx
Really appreciate the support from people I don't even know, it puts faith back into the human race when at times you just feel that people are so evil !!!

[Boys don't cry]

"How do you convince a jury that your innocent when they don't know you ?"

He thinks that the fa's will feel far worse because they have to keep the lies going!!!!

Hello and welcome to the forum Petrified.

I am please to read that your husband is confident but sorry he will have to go to court.

He answered your first question:
The jury is composed of 12 persons and they will see through the lies of the accusers when his barrister will ask them pertinent questions.

[Petrified now !!!!]

Rational thoughts seem to be coming back slowly.

This roller coaster of emotions. Glad to be slowing down again.
Last week was a bad week as we had the transcripts to make my husbands notes and at the time you feel so convinced that it is only going to be a bad outcome. These emotions seem to reach a climax and then you start to rationalise, putting the truth back to what they are accusing.
I have read another post on here where the person feels suicidle and I can fully sympathise as I too have felt that at times, BUT why let the accuser win !! I have three beautiful children who need both parents.
We are coming up to the time to tell our children very soon what has been happening over the last 2 years and now I have to be the strongest I have ever been. We as parents have show them that we are fighting for the truth. I am scared to devaste my children's life because no child should have to know that there father is being accused of something like this!!!
We have a letter today from solicitors stating the date of the pre trial review at court which is very soon.
Just can't wait for all this to be over and try and build our lives back.
I am scared of going to court but now I need to focus on husband. Am going to speak to him to make sure he wants me to be at court. I don't want him to have to hold back anything . I know he is constantly worried about me but now he needs to focus on himself !!! Will it look worse to a jury if I'm not there?? I want to be there for him but I don't want him constantly worrying about how I'm feeling which I know he will.

[Petrified now !!!!]

Give me strength !!!

Well we will never forget this year !!

Pre trial review on my husbands birthday and our wedding anniversary and daughters birthday whilst he is on trial !!!

My husband is working away at the moment and I am sick of opening every letter from solicitors alone.....

[lonley place]

Try and do something not connected to the trial ..take time for yourself and try to put the case to the back of your mind even if just for a few hours. I know it seems easy for me to say that, but I know it is possible to do...I played hidden object games online for at least 1 hour a day...while your finding things your mind is occupied. LP

[Petrified now !!!!]

Hello

Hi Lonley place,

Thanks for the advise and do try to do as many things as i can - all up todate with washing, ironing etc and even had a go at that hidden objects game but it was beginning to really annoy me when i couldnt find the final object.

The best piece of advise i have been given is:-

"Get through today and pat yourself on the back. Worry about tomorrow when you wake up"

I do try to follow this although sometimes it just seems impossible!!!

Reading some threads is helpful and others make you feel even more scared, however i have just read Sparks and im utterley devasted for him.
I have some experience with social services although from the very beginning they were involved i instructed my own solicitor to act solely for me and my children.

My advise to anybody potentially having to deal with social services is (based on my experience)

Get a family solicitor to act for your partner or wife. (My husbands solicitor gave us the best person we could ask for. My solicitor used to be the solicitor for social services!!!!)

When my husband was arrested social services did initial assesment which states the accussed has to stay out of family home for 10 days while they carry out certain checks i.e schools, doctors etc... (10 WORKING DAYS not 10 days) I was not informed that the 10 days meant monday to friday so when the 10 days was up both me and my husband were devasted!!!

If you feel that you are being mistreated lodge an official complaint (These get dealt with straight away) In our situation our social worker was very insensitive when she kept claiming she knew how i felt. She also couldnt make a decision as to whether he could come home as the police were not passing opinion either way. They would not say whether he should or shouldnt be allowed back to the family home. As a family we were due to go on holiday and we needed social services to make a decision.

Agree to a written aggreement that the wife/ partner will monitor the contact between the accussed and the children. I was happy to do this as i know how to look after my children better than anybody!!! I am well aware in detail what the accussations are and even though i dont believe a single word of them as a mother i would always put my children first.

Social services need to be satisfied that the mother will without doubt put her childrens safety before her husbands or partners.

I contacted my childrens school and met with the head to make sure they were going to be supported when i was going to tell my children. I must say the school was fantastic and the head even gave me her personal mobile number.

When social services now want to take it further which they do in our case i have again instructed my solicitor to help me fight this. I am not against social services coming to see me but am not prepared to let them talk to my children yet. I havent told my children and am telling them a week before the trial on the advise from the school. The later they know the better !!!!

Hope this helps some people but note it is only my persoanl experience

[lonley place]

So happy you are coping ok at the moment...The social services advice is excellent and will help others !!LP

[Petrified now !!!!]

This is hell

Well today my husband see's the solicitors to chat so they can send notes to barrister to make a defence statement. Pre trial review is in a few weeks time and trial is set for a months trial.

Cant stop crying at the moment and the pain inside is getting worse. I'm so scared am going to lose the man I love so much and looking at my children everyday makes it worse because they lives could too be devastated.

It is absolutely horrendous that anybody should go through what so many people on this site go through!!!!!! No body should have to fight allegations like this and fight for there lives!!!!

[lonley place]

Hi...You are not on your own we are all with you both every step of the way.
Things may look better after your hubby has seen his barrister, we are all terrified
of the unknown and tend to allow negative thoughts in. Try to keep strong. LP