really struggling

[justamum]

hi my son was convicted of rape last year and im really struggling, i feel so alone and cant talk to anyone about it, more to the point no one talks to me about it, its just ignored. i am positive my son is innocent but was advised not to go about saying this as it would get peoples backs up, as time goes on it is eating away at me, it makes me feel like if i cant talk to you i dont want to speak to you and i am slowly isolating myself from workmates friends etc, i just feel like why should i waste my time listening to you talking about your life when i cant talk about mine, i went part time at work and started college again ive isolated myself because i know conversation will turn to family and what do you say? i would be grateful for any words of understanding, theres no point asking for advice because there really isnt any is there

[praying4asimplelife]

Hi, i was just looking at private messaging you but as a 'new member' i am not able to do that.

Such a horrible feeling that you are alone when there are so many friends/family out there but be assured it isn't just you. I thought that more people would be supportive and offer a shoulder to cry on during this rubbish but nope, noone. Its such a big thing and dealing with it alone is horrible. As long as you are sticking to what you believe in then there is always hope. All the best for you and Son.

[justamum]

thankyou it means a lot

thank you for replying it means an awful lot to me, you just feel like no one understands or gets it, are you in the same situation? i feel like im slowly sinking into an abyss, i feel so resentful of everyone else and i know thats not fair but i just feel like, for example, and this may sound terrible...someone at husbands work died at pretty much the same time as my sons conviction and it really made me take a step back and go wow...that might make me sound terrible but grief comes in many forms. i think one person in my work asked how i was and the rest ignored it and its been like that ever since. not one word. even to this day allowances are still being made for the other lady (rightly so) but every time i hear someone say, i dont know how she copes with what happened to her, last year was a bad year for her etc...i just inwardly think..are you even listening to yourself? i hope this doesnt make me sound like a horrible person cos im not but it just sums it up really. what about you?

[praying4asimplelife]

Yes i totally agree with your comments it is grief but i suppose the difference is that that lady wont see her husband again. I dont think you ever understand how an accusation like this effects lives until it happens to you! My partner was accused around a month ago so i am just at the beginning of this terrible journey as you said feel as if we have isolated ourselves we dont want to go out of the house in case we see the accuser or anyone she has told this nonsense to and we have even had to move out of our home because its proving so hard and such a horrible thing to have over your head! We were due to buy a house at the end of last month but put that on hold aswell now!

Feel free to message me if you do wanna talk, i would be interested to hear your story and how things worked for you and how long all of this took what evidence they had against your son etc.

[Rights Fighter]

Justamum - did your son attempt to appeal the conviction?

[Casehardened]

PS Praying4asimplelife and Justamum are both full members so should be able to pm each other.

[justamum]

still really struggling

hi i cant work out how to use this site very well i have tried to pm before as well as reply to someones thread but am unable to?

[justamum]

appeal

Justamum - did your son attempt to appeal the conviction?

yes he did, and was told there were no grounds, everyone kept saying there was no case to answer, EVERYONE, lawyer, QC etc they told him youll get a slap on the wrist so be a good boy from now on and stay away from hotels...he was on a night out and went back to a hotel with a girl he left her there and went on to party more... and the rest of the story played out.. because he was told it would be laughed out of court basically, he didnt take the stand. This is whats eating us all up. He keeps saying if id only spoken no way id be in here. he is now looking for a new lawyer on the grounds that he was misrepresented. What i would like to know is how other people on the site keep going, how they stay strong etc

[justamum]

PS Praying4asimplelife and Justamum are both full members so should be able to pm each other.

yeah case hardened but how do you stop it killing you in the meantime

[justamum]

hope you are ok

Yes i totally agree with your comments it is grief but i suppose the difference is that that lady wont see her husband again. I dont think you ever understand how an accusation like this effects lives until it happens to you! My partner was accused around a month ago so i am just at the beginning of this terrible journey as you said feel as if we have isolated ourselves we dont want to go out of the house in case we see the accuser or anyone she has told this nonsense to and we have even had to move out of our home because its proving so hard and such a horrible thing to have over your head! We were due to buy a house at the end of last month but put that on hold aswell now!

Feel free to message me if you do wanna talk, i would be interested to hear your story and how things worked for you and how long all of this took what evidence they had against your son etc.

thankyou for your reply yesterday i was having a really bad day. how are you coping? If you can tell me how to PM you i will. take care

[Casehardened]

yeah case hardened but how do you stop it killing you in the meantime

Not quite sure what you mean.....

But to pm another member click on their username in one of their posts and the pm option will come up; click on that, write your message & send.

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/f...eading_posting

[Rights Fighter]

yes he did, and was told there were no grounds, everyone kept saying there was no case to answer, EVERYONE, lawyer, QC etc they told him youll get a slap on the wrist so be a good boy from now on and stay away from hotels...he was on a night out and went back to a hotel with a girl he left her there and went on to party more... and the rest of the story played out.. because he was told it would be laughed out of court basically, he didnt take the stand. This is whats eating us all up. He keeps saying if id only spoken no way id be in here. he is now looking for a new lawyer on the grounds that he was misrepresented. What i would like to know is how other people on the site keep going, how they stay strong etc

It is rare indeed that the CA will accept a Ground of appeal that criticises defence counsel however it's not unheard of, one of mine succeeded where defence counsel failed to use important evidence despite knowing about it and it related to motive.

Possibly defence counsel said there are no grounds because they stuffed up - who knows? Also there may have been problems with the directions to the jury. Hopefully he is eligible for legal aid just to get a review of the case.