False accusation ?

[clunky]

I don't understand this at all. You became a recluse hoping time would heal - what or who?

She sounds like one damaged person in any event. If you believe that she has some sort of "hate" campaign then instead of becoming a "recluse" as you say you did, why not simply move away and just don't visit the area again?

Well. hoping the crush would wear off, and she would turn to someone else.

Damaged indeed, but I was damaged too before this, and she knew how low I was. She was aware that I wanted to kill myself, she knew I was hurting inside, and my life to me was not worth living. She was very, very street wise, and I felt she took advantage of my depression. I dont want to move, as I have lived in my area ALL my life, and so had my folks. She lives a mile away, and I dont feel I should be the one moving. Hell, I could have another girl say the same thing in the new town i move too, and Im not going to move all around the country, just to dodge false accusations every time.

Regards

[Rights Fighter]

Extract:Thats why I found it hard to distance myself from this girl, and became a recluse for sometime hoping time would heal. for 8 years it did, then it seems to have started all up again.

I don't understand this at all. You became a recluse hoping time would heal - what or who?

She sounds like one damaged person in any event. If you believe that she has some sort of "hate" campaign then instead of becoming a "recluse" as you say you did, why not simply move away and just don't visit the area again?

[clunky]

I actually see that as a sign of strength.

I've had to be face to face with my accuser twice so far, and there's more times to come. I've not so much as looked at her (on one occasion, I didn't realise I'd passed her until I was told afterwards).

Think how your position could be affected if you did say anything to her, or worse, reacted more agressively.

A useful saying I found myself repeating when facing my accuser, is that an empty vessel makes the most noise. It's tough, but if I were in your situation, I'd be letting her insult you & trying my best not to react. If nothing else, it'll show a court that you're not quick to anger. Hopefully you won't get to that stage though.

It's hard not to say something, though my Wife say's just hold your head high.

Regards

[clunky]

"Wandering hands" I would think come under Indecent Assault. Remind me, have you been charged yet? Or is this still at the "accuser is saying things but has not yet complained to the police?"

I am busy on other cases (two appeals and one pre-trial) so have not kept up to speed with you case - apologies!

Many thanks, and no probs.

The Police aren't involved, and is as you said " the "accuser is saying things but has not yet complained to the police"

It's only the last few months she has really said anything, until now, she has only walked past, and not even looked at me. Mind you, I've not really looked at her to be sure she isn't looking or not.

The only thing she used to rant on about was having kids, and her number one threat to me was back then "Give me a kid, or I'll be sure to see you locked up" Ok she got her wish and had a kid a year after, and then another 15 months after that. I can only assume it was a crush she had on me, thats never gone, I dunno.

Thats why I found it hard to distance myself from this girl, and became a recluse for sometime hoping time would heal. for 8 years it did, then it seems to have started all up again. I lost my Mum a few years ago too, and I feel I haven't ever gotten over my Dad passing, due to what happened.

I'm really so depressed.

Regards

[Rights Fighter]

Witnesses who the complainant tells at the time of the alleged abuse or shortly after are what is known as "recent complainant witnesses".

They may be called to give evidence - if the matter goes that far. However the judge MUST direct the jury that the evidence that they give is not evidence that the alleged offences occurred and that it is "hearsay" and they should not convict on that evidence alone.

"Wandering hands" I would think come under Indecent Assault. Remind me, have you been charged yet? Or is this still at the "accuser is saying things but has not yet complained to the police?"

I am busy on other cases (two appeals and one pre-trial) so have not kept up to speed with you case - apologies!

[VeryWorried]

I just wished I had the strength and knowledge how to. I just bite my lip when I see them, and say nothing. And because I say nothing, they now think Im an easy target, and insult me more.

I actually see that as a sign of strength.

I've had to be face to face with my accuser twice so far, and there's more times to come. I've not so much as looked at her (on one occasion, I didn't realise I'd passed her until I was told afterwards).

Think how your position could be affected if you did say anything to her, or worse, reacted more agressively.

A useful saying I found myself repeating when facing my accuser, is that an empty vessel makes the most noise. It's tough, but if I were in your situation, I'd be letting her insult you & trying my best not to react. If nothing else, it'll show a court that you're not quick to anger. Hopefully you won't get to that stage though.

[RFLH]

Don't mention it - I do know what you're feeling. I've seen it at close quarters.

If you look through the threads you'll see that I, along with others, have been through the mill, both there and back again.

I think the thought of suicide has occured to us all on occassion, but you can and will get through this nightmare.

I know that at the moment you think all is hopeless, but it isn't.

Please, please fight on. We'll help you in every way we can, but you've got to pull too.

[clunky]

I think everyone has those dark thoughts when something as traumatic as this happens.

Suicide really is an 'easy' option, after all you don't have any of the pain of loved ones thinking that it must be something they have/haven't. said/didn't say, done/didn't do.

You remove yourself from the situation and leave others to clean up the mess.

Not forgetting the 'told you, no smoke without fire' brigade having a field day.

'A sure sign of guilt, cos he obviously did it, otherwise he'd have fought it through the courts'.

You do have listenening ears here, if you don't want to publicly put anything - pm people you think can help.

Thank you so much.

Regards -Clunky

[RFLH]

I think everyone has those dark thoughts when something as traumatic as this happens.

Suicide really is an 'easy' option, after all you don't have any of the pain of loved ones thinking that it must be something they have/haven't. said/didn't say, done/didn't do.

You remove yourself from the situation and leave others to clean up the mess.

Not forgetting the 'told you, no smoke without fire' brigade having a field day.

'A sure sign of guilt, cos he obviously did it, otherwise he'd have fought it through the courts'.

You do have listenening ears here, if you don't want to publicly put anything - pm people you think can help.

[clunky]

You will surprise not only yourself, but everyone around you with how strong you can be, and how much you can fight this allegation against you. You simply need to find the motivation to turn those self harming thoughts into fighting actions.

I just wished I had the strength and knowledge how to. I just bite my lip when I see them, and say nothing. And because I say nothing, they now think Im an easy target, and insult me more.

[clunky]

Are you still in touch with any of these friends? Can they corroborate (spelling?) your version of events? Would they be willing to testify as to your character at the time the alleged offence happened?


I know a mother of a 1 year old child, where the mother is now 15 years old. She was 13 when pregnant - and whilst she regrets getting pregnant so young, she'd never wind the clock back & change things as she wouldn't have the child (or friends) she now does. She didn't "happily" get pregnant. It was a very stressful time for all involved.

Please don't think that the above will be of any use to you as part of a defence. It wont, and if you think it will you will be in for a sharp surprise.


I'm sorry, but unless you can prove that beyond reasonable doubt, it's heresay.


Get another doctor. Explain everything that's happening properly to them. They're bound by an oath not to reveal anything you say. Your doctor is not helping your mental state.

Following advice of this very forum, I recently went to the doctor for similar reasons to you. I sat there & very briefly touched on the subjects that are causing stress etc. I quickly found that I was crying my heart out - and I hate crying in front of anyone (call it male pride). I hated every second of being in the GP's office asking for help - but it needed doing.

I have twice come very close to suicide myself, and recently had the thoughts return. For me, the reason I haven't gone through with it is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and realising what effect it would have on those that do care about me.

If you were to carry out that thought, the presumption by everyone would be that you were guilty & couldn't cope with the guilt. How would your wife handle that aspect? Proving innocence in matters like this is difficult. Proving innocence when you're no longer with us is impossible.



Wandering hands etc amounts to sexual abuse. I'm not sure of the penalty for those guilty of that kind of offence, but rest assured, it's less than I'm looking at.

You will surprise not only yourself, but everyone around you with how strong you can be, and how much you can fight this allegation against you. You simply need to find the motivation to turn those self harming thoughts into fighting actions.

Cheers for the reply.

To be honest, I was severely depressed before this event happened, though this event has not helped. I still know the friends from that time, but they really dont want to get involved, due to the nature of the whole thing.

Out of curiosity, because she went around and told her friends that something happened, can those friends of hers, be witnesses? Or would they have to of been there and "physically" witnessed it?

The only guilt I cant get over is having been by my Fathers side when he died. Then 6 months later this girl turns up, and turns my world upside down.

[VeryWorried]

At the time she when she started coming onto me, she also came onto several of my friends too, who basically just told her to go away.

Are you still in touch with any of these friends? Can they corroborate (spelling?) your version of events? Would they be willing to testify as to your character at the time the alleged offence happened?

It seems that what she "thinks" happened at the time, had such an impact on her life, she quite happily went on to have 2 kids before leaving school.

I know a mother of a 1 year old child, where the mother is now 15 years old. She was 13 when pregnant - and whilst she regrets getting pregnant so young, she'd never wind the clock back & change things as she wouldn't have the child (or friends) she now does. She didn't "happily" get pregnant. It was a very stressful time for all involved.

Please don't think that the above will be of any use to you as part of a defence. It wont, and if you think it will you will be in for a sharp surprise.

She's basically singling me out, because I must have let her down at the time I suppose.

I'm sorry, but unless you can prove that beyond reasonable doubt, it's heresay.

All my Doctor says is " well just snap out of it "

If only it was that easy. I think ending it will be my only solution, at least then she accuse someone else too. (as she has)

Get another doctor. Explain everything that's happening properly to them. They're bound by an oath not to reveal anything you say. Your doctor is not helping your mental state.

Following advice of this very forum, I recently went to the doctor for similar reasons to you. I sat there & very briefly touched on the subjects that are causing stress etc. I quickly found that I was crying my heart out - and I hate crying in front of anyone (call it male pride). I hated every second of being in the GP's office asking for help - but it needed doing.

I have twice come very close to suicide myself, and recently had the thoughts return. For me, the reason I haven't gone through with it is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and realising what effect it would have on those that do care about me.

If you were to carry out that thought, the presumption by everyone would be that you were guilty & couldn't cope with the guilt. How would your wife handle that aspect? Proving innocence in matters like this is difficult. Proving innocence when you're no longer with us is impossible.

Just to add: It's not so much Rape she's claiming, but more "Too much Friendliness" going on as she told my wife back then. ie wandering hands etc.

Wandering hands etc amounts to sexual abuse. I'm not sure of the penalty for those guilty of that kind of offence, but rest assured, it's less than I'm looking at.

You will surprise not only yourself, but everyone around you with how strong you can be, and how much you can fight this allegation against you. You simply need to find the motivation to turn those self harming thoughts into fighting actions.

[clunky]

Just to add: It's not so much Rape she's claiming, but more "Too much Friendliness" going on as she told my wife back then. ie wandering hands etc. Sorry if I've miss-lead anyone, but my writing/english isn't too good due to meds. It's absolutely shot my memory.

[clunky]

Hi Clunky,

I feel I must echo the sentiments expressed by RF.

For a child to be sexually active at age 12, there is something clearly wrong. The Crown (if it gets that far) will use that in support of her claims.

Previous sexual history is something that can only be used if directly related to the case.

To word the "hate crime" aspect differently, you will need to be able to prove (beyond reasonable doubt) any reason she may possibly have for disliking you. Any reason she may have for falsely accusing you.

I would also advise you do not approach the police. Think about it, the police only exist to gather evidence/statements of crimes in order to effect punishment. To put that into perspective, I recently went to a police station and spoke to an officer. I also called the non-emergency number 3 times. I was wanting to arrange police presence to prevent a possible breach of the peace. They weren't interested in the slightest, and actually refused to attend. Yet when a false allegation is made against me, I've been arrested (including fingerprinting/DNA/photo and time in a cell) and interviewed under caution.

I would strongly advise that from here on in, you don't change your behaviour towards her, but you write EVERYTHING down. Not only everything that you know of her doing (if it involves you), but also everything you remember from the history of you two. Any time from now that she contacts you or vice versa, write it down. Hopefully for the majority of these you'll have proof (phone records, other people present, CCTV, anything).

If she then threatens you with court multiple times before going to the police, you stand in a better position - but only really if your writings have proof to go with them.

Due to the nature of the crime, it is much more a matter of proving your innocence, than the accuser proving you're guilty. For geniune cases of rape, I feel that's the better way to approach it as it saves the victim yet more suffering.

Until the time comes where you're arrested/interviewed, there is little you or anyone else can do. That statement will undoubtedly cause some stress, and I apologise for it, but it is one of lifes unfallable truths.

Thanks "Very Worried"

At the time she when she started coming onto me, she also came onto several of my friends too, who basically just told her to go away. It seems that what she "thinks" happened at the time, had such an impact on her life, she quite happily went on to have 2 kids before leaving school. She's basically singling me out, because I must have let her down at the time I suppose.

I cant really remember too much at that time, due to being Depressed and suicidal after loosing my Father several months before all this. Though my Wife wrote everything down, as we where getting taunts from her 2 years after all this, then it went quiet. When we moved 2 years ago, we decided to have a fresh start, so we threw everything away. Im still suicidal now, having a hard job just getting the popper help, I should have had before this whole thing ever started. All my Doctor says is " well just snap out of it "

If only it was that easy. I think ending it will be my only solution, at least then she accuse someone else too. (as she has)

Cheers all.

[Rights Fighter]

Well said "very worried".

Unfortunately some people who have been falsely accused refuse to accept advice (from somebody who has had years of experience of helping to defend and/or appeal false allegations of sexual abuse) preferring to go their own way. After conviction they then blame the defence team.

I do hope "clunky" takes what you have said on board.