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worried mum- about our chances

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  • #1

    worried mum- about our chances

    about an year ago my son after drunk student party ended up in one bed with 3 other girls
    as I understand everyone was drunk and happy
    all evidences show that nobody was forced to that bed
    morning after my son had stupidity to boast about that in a social media mentioned that the girls were drunk


    2 months later - rape accusation of all 3 of them

    now -waiting for court, solisiter from legal aid

    as a worried mum I m wondering what our chances to get NFA ? what is the worst scenario? (I can't believe -prison) or really prison?
    how bad our story looks? or not so bad?

    may be some practical advices? the bad think- he doesn't feel comfortable to discuss this topic with me
    how I ,as a mum, can help him? try to live normal live as nothing happened? or speak about it?

    thanks everyone
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  • #2
    hi

    My heart goes out to you, your son and family. All you can do is support your son and keep a brave face. It would help him to open up to you and then you can all face this together. We are all on here for the same reason, it's a long haul hopefully when you read messages of other stories on here it will help you through this difficult time, don't be too scared to seek advice from other members on this site, it kept me sane at times. Our thoughts are with you and your family. If your son is uncomfortable discussing the situation with you would he not write everything down about it and then give it to you to read, that might help him to take the first step to help himself.

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    • #3
      Unless your son is 6' 10" and built like Arnold Schwarzenegger, I find it difficult to believe he could have raped 3 females in one go. Ten years ago this might have made an amusing story, alas not any more. The whole thing sounds utterly ridiculous to me - he raped three women, single handed, one after the other? Is he part Viking? No, nobody will laugh at that jest anymore, it's a sorry state of affairs.

      Hard as it might be, I would try and forget it, I'm sure it will go nowhere. As for educating young men men as to what constitutes consensual sex, I think it might be an idea to educate young women on the dire consequences in making accusations of rape.

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      • #4
        I agree with Angstman, it would be near impossible to rape 3 girls at the same time!

        If you want my advice, you really need to try and get your son to understand how important it is that you can discuss the matter with him, in a constructive and positive manner!!!

        Can I just clarify that your son has been charged....and is waiting for court details??

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        • #5
          it would be near impossible to rape 3 girls at the same time!
          Thing is, being an old bloke, time was, when that statement would be the subject of amusement and (albeit rather tasteless) jokes. We are now living in a new age of judgemental, Victorian self-censorship, where we are all too terrified of putting a whisker out of place, lest it be determined as constituting an infringement of somebodies liberties.

          I'm no fan of 'the good old days', where comedians regularly made awful racist, sexist jokes and infringements on personal preferences and freedoms (such as homosexuality) were commonplace. However we are fast approaching a situation where young people will have to re-instate chaperones, or carry personal video cameras to a date.

          In the time honoured tradition of all old buffers, all I can say is 'The world's gone bloody mad!'...

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Aidy View Post

            Can I just clarify that your son has been charged....and is waiting for court details??

            1 charge of rape women over 16
            1 charge of rape women over 16
            1 charge of assault female over 13

            now on bail

            magistrate court soon

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            • #7
              Can I ask how old your son is? I'm assuming these young women are saying they were all too drunk to consent?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by angstman View Post
                Can I ask how old your son is? I'm assuming these young women are saying they were all too drunk to consent?
                23 last year university student
                yes I guess- so

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by lia View Post
                  1 charge of rape women over 16
                  1 charge of rape women over 16
                  1 charge of assault female over 13

                  now on bail

                  magistrate court soon
                  Was there any witnesses?
                  Or was other people around at this time?

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                  • #10
                    It's extraordinary isn't it - a female can claim she was 'too drunk to consent' but a male can't defend himself by saying he was 'too drunk to know what he was doing'...? There are many factors involved in this. What actually occurred? Did your son admit to having sex with each of them? Were the females conscious? Was your son in bed with them by consent? Was there any objection or struggle? Etc.

                    Presumably as each young woman was being 'raped' the other two were simply lying there as onlookers? It all seems too far-fetched to me or at least, a dereliction of personal responsibility on all their behalves, which is probably nearer to the truth. They probably all need their heads knocking together, unfortunately that's not an option in our litigious society. I know it won't really help you, but I suspect a sensible jury would see it for what it is, youthful stupidity and laugh it out of court. Try not to worry...

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Aidy View Post
                      Was there any witnesses?
                      Or was other people around at this time?
                      he is not saying everything to me I found out all of these just recently ...although I thought something is wrong but ...he assured me every time that he is fine

                      as I understand that was a party and a lot of people saw as they went out to his room together (he lived in student hostel)
                      as well there are CCTV cameras everywhere (not in his room though)

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                      • #12
                        I think these 3 girls have been put up to this!
                        Not sure who by....but I just get the feeling when your son posted on social media what had happened, maybe a parent or friend saw this and took umbridge with it!!!

                        I wish I could say everything will be ok, because I can't!

                        Sadly nobody on here can predict what will happen??

                        All we can do is listen to your story, and advise on what we hear.

                        I think this is blatantly obvious what has happened here....but sadly it's not up to me!

                        Good luck and you will get much more advice on here

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by angstman View Post
                          ................. I know it won't really help you, but I suspect a sensible jury would see it for what it is, youthful stupidity and laugh it out of court. Try not to worry...
                          thank you I SO hope for that

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                          • #14
                            One last thing...IF common sense prevails, you say your son has been charged with two counts of rape with two young women over the age of 16 and one count of assault (sexual assault?) on a minor. A good question is why was a minor at a party in a student hostel? A minor's parent has a responsibility for the safeguarding of their charge. To permit a minor to be in a situation where their safety is put at risk, is a dereliction of parental responsibility. A good solicitor should be able to point this out. It would not be unreasonable to suggest that your son had no reason to doubt that any attendee at a student party, was over the age of consent...

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                            • #15
                              was over the age of consent...
                              That should of course read - under the age of consent...

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