Total Shock I can't cope

[Franticwithworry]

Look at this logically - why would she prepare to take the children off you when she's not shown any interest in them since you got them back? I know it's difficult not to worry and come up with all sorts of 'what if's' when you've got endless hours to fret, but it's important that you don't let your mind got into overdrive on that sort of thing. Your mental health is important and constant worry doesn't do it any good at all.

If you don't have any hobbies that you can do at home, in the evenings, even something as minor and mindless as doing a big jigsaw could help you redirect your mind. There are lots of other things , that's just the first thing that came into my head. :-)

It's also really unlikely that she'll turn up on the doorstep demanding to stay, and the police won't take the children off you just on her say so. If she involves Social Services, it will take them longer to decide what to do than it's going to get you to get that non-molestation order. Social Services are unlikely to just turn up on your doorstep and remove the children without warning - there are channels to go through and you have a good solicitor.

She can't do any more for you at the moment because wheels are in motion. Cross bridges when you come to them. Like I say, fretting about what your wife might do when there's no indication that she will do anything other than harass you is a road to fragile mental health, and remember that every day that passes with your wife doing nothing or harassing you at most gets you one day closer to the order you need.

She doesn't sound much like a person who prepares for anything to be honest. It's not as if she's gone after getting back the children she's already lost to neglect, is it? These little ones are no different from her others in that respect. I'd also suggest putting your request/instructions to the nursery in writing. You don't have to give a reason or say anything bad about their mother but having such a request documented means that they can't 'forget' your instructions and will be committed to complying.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Look at this logically - why would she prepare to take the children off you when she's not shown any interest in them since you got them back? I know it's difficult not to worry and come up with all sorts of 'what if's' when you've got endless hours to fret, but it's important that you don't let your mind got into overdrive on that sort of thing. Your mental health is important and constant worry doesn't do it any good at all.

If you don't have any hobbies that you can do at home, in the evenings, even something as minor and mindless as doing a big jigsaw could help you redirect your mind. There are lots of other things , that's just the first thing that came into my head. :-)

It's also really unlikely that she'll turn up on the doorstep demanding to stay, and the police won't take the children off you just on her say so. If she involves Social Services, it will take them longer to decide what to do than it's going to get you to get that non-molestation order. Social Services are unlikely to just turn up on your doorstep and remove the children without warning - there are channels to go through and you have a good solicitor.

She can't do any more for you at the moment because wheels are in motion. Cross bridges when you come to them. Like I say, fretting about what your wife might do when there's no indication that she will do anything other than harass you is a road to fragile mental health, and remember that every day that passes with your wife doing nothing or harassing you at most gets you one day closer to the order you need.

She doesn't sound much like a person who prepares for anything to be honest. It's not as if she's gone after getting back the children she's already lost to neglect, is it? These little ones are no different from her others in that respect. I'd also suggest putting your request/instructions to the nursery in writing. You don't have to give a reason or say anything bad about their mother but having such a request documented means that they can't 'forget' your instructions and will be committed to complying.

So True Frantic.

I have the kids to keep me busy, and I am engaged in helping a couple of other people with things, writing documents for them, that kind of thing. I can't really return to work right now with an 8 month old and a 20 month old to care for. I am a worrier anyway, which has it's bad and good traits.

I have utilised my GP for some meds PRN to take on the bad days. Nothing too heavy, but they work. And you are absolutely right, and you and others on this thread always shed some light on what's going on, even though funnily enough most of the time I know the answers but they get lost amongst all the worry.

After what's happened I've just lost faith in the 'system' and I've turned from a optimistic to a pessimistic person. I am convinced it's all too good to be true with me having the kids, and that the FA's will end up in a court room. It's hard not to think worst case, even though I am totally innocent and have really good evidence to counter everything, but I'd rather think worst case and be pleasantly surprised than be confident and be dealt a massive blow if I lost the kids or was charged on the back of utter Lies and foolishness.

Some days are better than others, and I now need to face my worst enemy: Patience. I need to embrace patience, and learn to be patient.

Like you say, she's let go of her 2 other kids, and I know this sounds bad but hopefully she will just surrender with these kids and just leave them with me, which is what's best. But wait a minute, she's already surrendered them to me, said she couldn't cope, and handed me back her house keys. But again I am thinking worst case, and I anticipate a spanner being thrown in the works again at some point. All she seems to be concerned about was the fact I confessed on my statement that the physical attraction on my side towards her started to fizzle off. She mentions nothing about the kids on her harassment texts, and declined the chance of contact. I was disappointed today when my solicitor said the child arrangements final hearing could take 6 months. She never told me that before, and she said and perhaps thought that it'd be sooner. But Cafcass need to get involved and all that.

She suggested I make the harassment and threats I received yesterday from her best friend formal, which may result in her being arrested again. But I'm not risking her turning things 360 again by making up lies.

When I do think about this logically, I can't see her turning up here, but if this takes 6 months she's got time on her hands. Knowing her, she'll either completely surrender and not fight to have contact with the kids, or she'll fight to the very end.

Let's just take it day by day, hour by hour even. Hopefully I'll have a Non Mol order in black and white soon.

[Franticwithworry]

Sometimes we just need someone else to confirm what we are thinking, 'Prepare for the worst and hope for the best' is fine so long as you don't take it too far and patience isnt called a virtue for nothing. :-)

You seem to be doing everything positive and possible so far. I hope you can learn to relax a little. As I said before, please don't lose your children's next few months in a fog of panic. You have a 2-year-old's birthday coming up soon, yes?

You may be a worrier, but you are clearly competent. Have faith in yourself - I do and if others are trusting you to prepare documents and such, they do too. :-)

[Nosleepforweeks]

Sometimes we just need someone else to confirm what we are thinking, 'Prepare for the worst and hope for the best' is fine so long as you don't take it too far and patience isnt called a virtue for nothing. :-)

You seem to be doing everything positive and possible so far. I hope you can learn to relax a little. As I said before, please don't lose your children's next few months in a fog of panic. You have a 2-year-old's birthday coming up soon, yes?

You may be a worrier, but you are clearly competent. Have faith in yourself - I do and if others are trusting you to prepare documents and such, they do too. :-)

Thanks for the kind words Frantic.

I wonder if the family court custody hearing being estimated at around 6 months is to do with my Family solicitor waiting on the outcome of the FA case? But then she wouldn't have put in for a Non Mol and prohibited steps order I guess.

[Franticwithworry]

Thanks for the kind words Frantic.

I wonder if the family court custody hearing being estimated at around 6 months is to do with my Family solicitor waiting on the outcome of the FA case? But then she wouldn't have put in for a Non Mol and prohibited steps order I guess.

No, she wouldn't. She's getting this done and you and the children protected as fast as she can.

If, in the unlikely event of your wife turning up on the doorstep, lock the doors and give your solicitor a call. Until that happens, there's no need to cross that bridge. Try to worry about what the children should eat for breakfast and if you'll be able to keep it off the floor instead.

[Nosleepforweeks]

No, she wouldn't. She's getting this done and you and the children protected as fast as she can.

If, in the unlikely event of your wife turning up on the doorstep, lock the doors and give your solicitor a call. Until that happens, there's no need to cross that bridge. Try to worry about what the children should eat for breakfast and if you'll be able to keep it off the floor instead.

Keep it off the floor? Haha no chance. Although my son is getting better and he knows he'll get told off if he throws his food. My daughter has porridge, and can't use a spoon so she's nice and easy. So funny, that is exactly what I've just done, give them breakfast and clean up bitsof bread from the floor.

I've asked my sol to give my FA a call to remind her that all contact must go through my sol.

Woke up feeling good this morning, no nightmares last night. Off out with the kids soon for some fresh air

I'm also going to change my landline number

[Franticwithworry]

Keep it off the floor? Haha no chance. Although my son is getting better and he knows he'll get told off if he throws his food. My daughter has porridge, and can't use a spoon so she's nice and easy. So funny, that is exactly what I've just done, give them breakfast and clean up bitsof bread from the floor.

I've asked my sol to give my FA a call to remind her that all contact must go through my sol.

Woke up feeling good this morning, no nightmares last night. Off out with the kids soon for some fresh air

I'm also going to change my landline number

That's all wonderful to hear. I hope that you have the best day possible and that the nightmares stay away.

[Nosleepforweeks]

That's all wonderful to hear. I hope that you have the best day possible and that the nightmares stay away.

Got my first family court hearing dates through today.

Non Molestation/Occupation order will be next Week

Child Arrangements will be in September.

All looking quite good on that front, but the orders have got to be granted of course.

still nothing on the FA/Police front. Here I still sit, no charge, no bail, and they've still got my mobile. Apparently she has told them she made false allegations like I said before. Why is this taking so long? Still got this sickening feeling that I'll be charged or even worse. And that will allow her to sneak back and take the kids again. Sorry to go on, but the longer this drags, the less optimistic I get about a deserved NFA. For crying out loud can't they see that she made the FA's less than 24 hours after she was nicked for GBH, her statement frankly has no legs to it at all, no evidence, if anything I'm the only one with any kind of evidence to prove her wrong. And if it's true that she has told them her allegations are false, what are they waiting for?

There must be something sinister going on as again surely they would have put this to bed by now. It's been a month.

They (police) know that the kids are back in my care too. They were told by solicitor that this is causing much distress to me and Sols are pressing for an NFA

[Franticwithworry]

Got my first family court hearing dates through today.

Non Molestation/Occupation order will be next Week

Child Arrangements will be in September.

All looking quite good on that front, but the orders have got to be granted of course.

still nothing on the FA/Police front. Here I still sit, no charge, no bail, and they've still got my mobile. Apparently she has told them she made false allegations like I said before. Why is this taking so long? Still got this sickening feeling that I'll be charged or even worse. And that will allow her to sneak back and take the kids again. Sorry to go on, but the longer this drags, the less optimistic I get about a deserved NFA. For crying out loud can't they see that she made the FA's less than 24 hours after she was nicked for GBH, her statement frankly has no legs to it at all, no evidence, if anything I'm the only one with any kind of evidence to prove her wrong. And if it's true that she has told them her allegations are false, what are they waiting for?

There must be something sinister going on as again surely they would have put this to bed by now. It's been a month.

They (police) know that the kids are back in my care too. They were told by solicitor that this is causing much distress to me and Sols are pressing for an NFA

Those dates are really good and quick - and that's a great thing to focus on.

I know the NFA thing is worrying, but honestly, the fact that they are taking time about this DOES NOT mean that a charge is more likely. The only thing that you can reasonably infer, if anything, is that they are taking their sweet time about wrapping this one up. Much as we would want them to be dealing with our cases and to recognise that the innocent go through torture in these situations, the sad fact is that they don't rush to meet our needs, only to meet their own. Truly, a month is not long. The police aren't concerned about your concerns regarding your wife turning up on your doorstep, much as we think that they should be, but again, from all that you've said, it seems to be really unlikely. The police are likely to be thinking - he's got the kids back, he's got nothing to worry about.

The police told me that if my man has done nothing wrong he's got nothing to worry about. Oh really? Like no need to worry about having his life on hold for years and the prospect of a wrongful conviction? He seemed to think that an arrest and search was nothing out of the ordinary and that we could just get on with life while the wheels of justice turned. They really have no idea of the stresses and strains, which means that they don't hurry their sweet selves.

But really, the fact that it's taking longer than you would like or feel you can cope with is no indication of a future charge. As the OIC said, they have their own checks to do.

Hang in there. Today may not be a good day, but tomorrow has every chance of being better. and one for the children -

[Nosleepforweeks]

Those dates are really good and quick - and that's a great thing to focus on.

I know the NFA thing is worrying, but honestly, the fact that they are taking time about this DOES NOT mean that a charge is more likely. The only thing that you can reasonably infer, if anything, is that they are taking their sweet time about wrapping this one up. Much as we would want them to be dealing with our cases and to recognise that the innocent go through torture in these situations, the sad fact is that they don't rush to meet our needs, only to meet their own. Truly, a month is not long. The police aren't concerned about your concerns regarding your wife turning up on your doorstep, much as we think that they should be, but again, from all that you've said, it seems to be really unlikely. The police are likely to be thinking - he's got the kids back, he's got nothing to worry about.

The police told me that if my man has done nothing wrong he's got nothing to worry about. Oh really? Like no need to worry about having his life on hold for years and the prospect of a wrongful conviction? He seemed to think that an arrest and search was nothing out of the ordinary and that we could just get on with life while the wheels of justice turned. They really have no idea of the stresses and strains, which means that they don't hurry their sweet selves.

But really, the fact that it's taking longer than you would like or feel you can cope with is no indication of a future charge. As the OIC said, they have their own checks to do.



Hang in there. Today may not be a good day, but tomorrow has every chance of being better. and one for the children -

I do hope you're right Frantic. This reminds me to some degree of an incident when I was in my 20's, a stupid malicious communications thing where I had a text message argument with someone. Both of us got arrested as a result. The cops kept my phone for about 3 months, and then one day called to say that NFA will be taken and please come and collect your phone. I wasn't so worried about that incident, and I really haven't been on the wrong side of the law very much at all in the past. Just silly things when I was younger, nothing of a violent or sexual nature or anything serious. I remember asking someone back then why it was taking them so blinking long to return my iphone and shut this off, and they said because it's probably somewhere near the bottom of the list.

I am concerned about CAFCASS finding out about these FA's, but my solicitor has put in my statement that the allegations are false, and that my ex has contacted the police to admit they're false. So if the (insert word here) wants to change her FA story again, then surely the police will smell a rat or will they take the whole 'oh it's so brave of you to finally come out, you must have been witness intimidated' approach? Who knows.

I do hope the fact that the FA's are not completely closed yet doesn't have any effect or influence on the family court judges decision long term. But the final family hearing is looking like around Christmas or even early 2018. I think I'll be OK with the injunction hearing and hopefully the prohibited steps hearing.

Because look at it this way, she has no 3 bed flat, cannot claim legal aid, and the only way she'd be able to afford solicitor fees is if she sadly relapsed into sex working. But in 6 months a lot can change however, there would be more of an argument that the children would not benefit from joint custody. I've made my position clear, I want to be the resident parent and she can be the non resident parent. And I do want the kids to have a relationship with their Mum, but it needs to be rebuilt. She thought she could target my weak spots and that we'd just speak to social services and sort it all out. What planet is she on? Luckily, my solicitor agrees and I've agreed for her to fight my corner in the family court as she knows the case inside out now rather than book a Barrister.

My ex hit the roof with harassment once she received a copy of my Non Mol statement, because it was worded so beautifully but in a true competent solicitors way, to truly defend their client and annihilate the other party.

Again I hope the family judge doesn't insist on the outcome of the FA before I get full residence of the kids. But one step at a time, let's get the injunction granted on Tuesday first. Then we'll cross the next bridge when we come to it. I get it, baby steps. Hopefully by the final hearing around Christmas I'll have an NFA rather than being wrongfully put in Pentonville. (I live minutes away from Pentonville, how convenient)

This place is great to come and offload, get advice and knowledge.

[Franticwithworry]

I hope today went as you hoped. I've been thinking of you.

[Nosleepforweeks]

I hope today went as you hoped. I've been thinking of you.

Thanks!

Non Molestation order: Granted

Occupation order: Granted.

She didn't bother show up to court. These orders have been granted until the first child arrangements hearing in late September. The court obviously wants to hear her account. Bit of a bummer we got Magistrates instead of a judge. My Sol said a judge would have granted the orders longer.

Now they're going to do safeguarding checks etc. I hope the fact that my case still hasn't been NFA'D won't effect family court matters. My criminal Barrister says it won't and he can't see anything but an NFA.

Another twist, she's sex working. I discovered she done this in a Thai massage place when I met her 3 years ago. She stopped But the address she's given as where she's now staying is the massage shop. She's living in the flats above, where the working girls live. So the person who's job it is to serve her the orders I got today asked for info. Think they'll need to go with security . That'll be fun.

She can't come 100 metres of my flat. Any child contact must go through my solicitor. And she can't contact me directly or indirectly. If she does she's liable for arrest. Even though the orders are only for a short while, they can just be extended now they're in place. Plus she's not listed on this flat anymore, I done that without legal backup through the local authority.

She had contact on Saturday arranged by my sol facilitated by my Mum. It was supposed to be for an hour. She left after 40 mins and apparently sat under a tree for ages looking lost. Since I've last been on here she's sent me emails begging for a reconciliation and threatening suicide. She's either completely surrendered or is sex working to save up for a sol. She still hasn't picked up her stuff, which is at my Mum's.

I know I did what's best. I do feel sorry for her but she accused me of the worst crime a man can be accused of. I'd rather have been called a murderer.

My barrister is going to show the orders to the OIC. He's already shown the OIC the emails by her threatening suicide and begging for a reconciliation. No response from OIC. Now hopefully they get a move on and NFA this as if I don't have the kids they can seriously go into care. Reassuringly my sol/barrister has said it will be NFA'D but again I need it in black and white.

[Franticwithworry]

It almost couldn't be better for you, but as you say, the orders can be extended.

There's no doubt in my mind that you have done the right thing, both for yourself and for your children. Their mother's situation is sad, but she is a grown woman who makes her own choices and must deal with the consequences. I'm not the least bit surprised that she didn't turn up to court or that she failed to make the most of her contact time.

You, on the other hand have strength, integrity, and a strong moral compass that is pointing in the right direction.

I know it's frustrating to have to wait for the OIC to complete something that seems so simple, but please draw some strength from your legal teams' confidence. It's natural to not be able to relax completely until you see things in black and white, but hang in there. As I said before, patience is a virtue!

I hope that at the very least the nightmares have stayed away.

[Nosleepforweeks]

It almost couldn't be better for you, but as you say, the orders can be extended.

There's no doubt in my mind that you have done the right thing, both for yourself and for your children. Their mother's situation is sad, but she is a grown woman who makes her own choices and must deal with the consequences. I'm not the least bit surprised that she didn't turn up to court or that she failed to make the most of her contact time.

You, on the other hand have strength, integrity, and a strong moral compass that is pointing in the right direction.

I know it's frustrating to have to wait for the OIC to complete something that seems so simple, but please draw some strength from your legal teams' confidence. It's natural to not be able to relax completely until you see things in black and white, but hang in there. As I said before, patience is a virtue!

I hope that at the very least the nightmares have stayed away.

Thanks Frantic

Nightmares have got better. The kids didn't even cry when she left them Saturday. When they left me to go to her they were screaming.

In a bizarre kind of way sometimes I think, OK let this go to crown as I'm sure my legal team would tie her up in knots. But I get those thoughts when I'm angry with the situation. I guess an NFA should be sufficient. But REAL justice would be a PCJ charge for her, as my sol said to the oic, 'Resorces should now be put into charging the lady in question for PCJ'

But it takes 15 counts of PCJ for justice going by the most recent case in the news.

Let's hope they don't balls things up because I still have open allegations against me.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Got a call from another DC today, not in relation spcifically to the FA's but about yesterday's hearings. He was surprised that both a Non Mol and Occupation order was granted, and said that with these orders I have the ultimate protection. He was a nice plod, and said that as I've heard nothing in regards to the FA's and the fact that the court granted me these orders is a good thing. He also said that to close off an FA takes ages, as checks need to be done with local authority and so on. He said he'd inform the OIC

Now my FA has been served by hand, these orders, in a massage salon. She is saying she is extremely unwell, and no doubt this is the card she'll play. She has still not collected her valuables from my Mum's. There were signs of her mental health taking a turn for the worse whilst she was living here. I do feel sorry for her, but why? Can't understand why. We know the horrors she's created, and she cannot expect to accuse me of such a horrific crime, with no evidence, a patchy statement, then expect me to take her back and threaten me with suicide. Last thing I want is her topping herself.

Please don't misunderstand this as a sign I'll take her back,as i WON'T. But she's lost everything. Her own doing I know. She can't even see her kids until next hearing in late Sept.

If things carry on in this way, she will lose the kids as the only other alternative is for them to go into care. I won't let that happen and I'm enjoying being a single parent so far, it is hard yes. I wonder if she'll re=retract her statement now she's got these orders or just surrender as my legal team on the family side at least have really achieved their goals. I am a little optimistic of an NFA now.