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Thread: I don't know what will happen next and scared

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2017

    Default I don't know what will happen next and scared

    I should have been more prepared but when I was called by the police to come in to see them the lady detective on the message she left I more phone said "not to worry, you're not in trouble.
    I knew it would be about my ex partner though. I didn't even ask what it was about to the detective I just agreed to come in. It wasn't until the solicitor they appointed me told me of the allegations made that it became real.
    I knew deep down what was coming but didn't want to believe it.
    I had broken up with my ex back in November. Upon which she then harassed me, my friends and family. They'd be hateful and then confessing love and missing me. Then back to hate, then promises of not hearing from her again and that would be it. Then it would start again. The last straw was Christmas Day when she decided to send more poisonous messages to friends and family.
    I then with great anguish I contacted the Police to service her with a PIN notice. This basically means if you contacted myself or anyone else I could take her to court.
    She has obviously not taken this when and has made an allegation of rape and assault against me.
    She has accused me of rape back in January last year. We went out for a friend of mines 40th. We both got very drunk nether of us remember the rest of the night after leaving the pub. Until we woke the next day to find her eldest daughter who was living with her at the time and her daughters girlfriend weren't in the house. She was worried where they were and kept trying to contact them both. Until finally the daughters girlfriend messaged to say they'd heard us loudly having sex in the bathroom. This upset her and she left.
    My ex has now gotten the daughter and her girlfriend to make a statement to the police to say they saw my having vagina sex with her mum from behind while my she was being sick in the toilet.
    My ex always instigated sex in the relationship. which she admitted in one of her harassment emails. She has a high sex drive and was a lot of the time sexually aggressive towards me. I fact I should have said in my interview but sat with a female detective and solicitor I was very shy about these things. I should have told them more of what a horrible person she is and that she told me her previous partner had apparently raped her. As I got more of the story from her later it sounds like he tried to have anal sex with her and she forced him to stop. I'm only seeing things now I know what she's like, at the time I was very upset for her when she told me.
    The allegation of assault is more recent. Early November while staying at hers we had our usual evening of a few drinks and smoking marijuana. I hadn't smoked it in over a decade, I used to smoke a lot but then got too paranoid on it. Half way through the relationship she got signed off from work due to stress and started smoking it daily as well as her other medications. Anyway, having the usual night but then also she gave us ecstasy. We had done this before on a few occasions. There were always drugs in the house. Then we went to bed late. Had sex as we always did, every night I was ever with her barr one.
    She sleep walks some nights and this night she did and fell and cut her head. I was asleep when this happened. That morning I was playing golf with a friend. I woke up a bit late for it after the late night. I bolted out of the door not stopping for notice any of my surroundings.
    I was going to my brothers after to help him with a job. She messaged me to show me what had happened in the night that there was blood on the sheets and a few blood spots down stairs and the cut on her head. I expressed my concern and could she contact her sister to help with a hospital visit. I feel bad because I did rush over but to be honest I hadn't told my brother we were back together from embarrassment that I was back with her. Plus I really had stopped caring for her due to how she was treating me.
    When I finally got back to hers she was upset I held her. Then I did the usual of helping with whatever needed doing. Later the usual, smoked marijuana and had sex in bed.
    She also has two younger daughters 6 & 10. Who lived with her and saw their father every other weekend.

    I've giving the detective my friends contacts about the night of the alleged rape. A friend of mine has a message from her saying she injured herself while sleep walking. I feel I should have said more in the interview. I' worried now about the statements from her daughter and the girlfriend. Like I said at the time I was told they heard us now it's changed to seeing me having sex with her mum while she's incapacitated. Which is what I was told is classed as rape.

    The detective said once she's collected everything it gets passed onto CPS. Does anyone have any advise on this? I know it's probably like asking how longs a piece of string as to how long this will take. I'm already not eating or sleeping and if we're talking months. I don't know how to cope.

    Thank you for reading this.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2016


    Hello and welcome.

    I've moved your thread to the help and advice section of the forum where you're more likely to get responses.

    Please don't panic at this stage. As you'll see from browsing the forum there's lots of good advice on how to proceed and how to cope with this awful situation. First and foremost, the police are not your friends and to tell you that you're not in trouble and then to land you with an allegation of rape is shocking. My cynical mind thinks that it's a tactic to make sure you don't attend for an interview with legal representation and that's reprehensible. Did you have a duty solicitor attend?

    Also, not putting all your cards on my the table isn't necessarily a bad thing. Whatever you say, the police can use it against you, so as long as you answered their questions truthfully (or gave a no comment interview if that's what a solicitor advised, but I know that doesn't apply here), there should be no issue.

    You will find on here suggestions for solicitors experienced in false allegations and if things go any further it's important you choose one with experience. The fact that she explains her injuries to someone else is important, and although a solicitor can't do much for you at present, knowing who you want to instruct if a charge comes will give you peace of mind. That said, most of these accusations don't get that far, but it could be a long wait for a decision.

    It's important to make notes of everything you can remember relating to this while it's all fresh in your mind and to give you a running start IF you need a solicitor later, (put the notes in a safe place and don't give them to the police at this stage whatever you do), but apart from that, the best thing to do is to try to get on with life as normally as possible. Not easy, I know, but you will be able to draw strength from this forum too and the knowledge that you're not alone on this awful journey.
    'Mongolian Warriors had the courage of lions, the patience of hounds, the prudence of cranes, the long-sightedness of ravens, the wildness of wolves, the passion of fightingcocks, the keenness of cats, the fury of wild boars and the cunning of foxes.' BE A MONGOLIAN WARRIOR WHEN DEFENDING YOUR INNOCENCE!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2017

    Default Thank you

    Thanks Franticwithworry for reading my post and moving it to the correct section of the forum. Reading it back my grammar wasn't the best at points. Down to lack of sleep and a C in English. I'll be glad of the advise you've given in the weeks and months to come.
    I did have a duty solicitor present and she seemed pretty good. After the interview she didn't give any false hope. Just said it could go either way. I will make notes as you suggested so I'm more prepared if this does go further.
    It will be difficult but it's just the more I think of what's been said in the statement from her daughter and her girlfriend it's just so ridiculous.
    Thank you again and I will update the forum as to what happens. So I can pass on the experience as many other have to help.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2017


    Sorry to hear of your story and the fact you have needed to find the site. But it is fullo f support. Sadly atm you cant do much other than make notes and get copys of any texts or things she sent to you family friends that maybe usefulith future as for cps. My partner heard nothing for 9 months before been told it would be going to court. But dont panic as its been said many do not go tocourt and although you may have a long wait for news theres a good chance it will come with no action been taken. After the initial shock wears ofd younshould opefully be able to function again. Not saying youll be bouncing around like normal but be able to eat and sleep and see how life can carry on with this in the background for the te been as theres no point focusing all on that until you know whats happening. I gather you have a good support network from friends and family. Use this talk to people you trust just to get it out and if it does go further those people will be the 1s who get you through it

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