Reeling from weekend - my poor son

[WarriorMum]

My son has been falsely accused of rape, common assault for spitting and harassment (2 contacts) and we've been 'helping the police with enquiries' this weekend.

He's at A level college, final year, and his ex-girlfriend made accusations first at college after my son ratted her out to her current boyfriend that they were still sleeping together. When that didn't get her anywhere and she was required to not talk about it with friends (i.e. stop spreading rumours), she has gone to the police and made an accusation. There's a month between the alleged incident and the ratting out, and another month until this weekend.

It's a case of he says, she says, but she has continued calling him, texting him and sitting with him on the way to college. The police have seized his and her phones and will find the (sometimes lovey dovey, sometimes emotionally unstable seeking support) text messages from her and call logs.

My poor son is already facing a stressful time as it's A levels soon. How long until this is likely to blow over? Will the police drop everything when they see the context of her text messages and his caring responses? The harassment and common assault are because he confronted her about the false allegation to college and called her out for what she is. Very worried mum.

[Franticwithworry]

Your poor son. And poor you too. As a parent this is becoming a worst case scenario for our boys.

Unfortunately, no-one can tell you how long this will last, but from what you say, be encouraged that there is evidence on your son's phone to exonerate him, but be prepared for common sense to fly out of the window.

The police are not your friends and the pressure on them to work for convictions is immense.

If he has been formally interviewed, did he have legal representation? Has he actually been charged or are you describing accusations?

First and foremost, he needs to distance himself from this girl - no more sitting on the bus with her, no more talking to her even if she tries to talk to him. He needs to walk away every time. Not easy to do always, especially if she is persistent or he is of a mind to 'fix' things between them, but she has shown what she can do and the risk of further accusations is too great.

Then, he (and you or his Dad if he is under 18, either of you or a trusted friend if he is not), needs to talk to a lawyer who is a specialist in false sexual allegations. I always suggest that legal advice is sought by the accused and someone else because 2 sets of ears are better that one, 2 memories are better than one. My man, who is in his 60's, always asks me to go with him to important appointments for this reason and vice versa. It's not an age or gender thing. It's a human thing. Take written questions and take notes too.

Then, if your son hasn't already started, he needs to write down notes of everything he can think of about his relationship with this girl from the day they met up until the present day. He needs to keep it somewhere safe and not show it to anyone in authority at this point. You and his father, siblings if he has any, too.

There is a sticky on this site to help you find a good solicitor, but if you find nothing listed or just want to discuss that a bit more, mention your area on here (county will do) and people will likely have suggestions and support.

Please try not to worry too much. Most of these cases are seen for what they are and most that go forward get the correct result. That said, I think it hinges on good preparation and a good legal team if it's needed. A solicitor can't do much before a charge though, but most will talk to you, reassure you and explain the process from a legal point of view, and IF a charge comes, if you've done the legwork in terms of notes and so on, you can hit the ground running.

One other thing - if your son has friends who have had text conversations about any of this, ask them to keep screenshots, better yet, send them to you/your son. Your son also needs to stay well away from social media and post nothing, but keeping a quiet eye on what she might be doing on there and keeping a screenshot of anything relevant is helpful.

Stick around here too. There are others in your situation and everyone here is lovely and supportive.

Hang in there - you and your son will get through this. Hopefully having to study will keep his mind occupied, and I wish him all the best for that too.

[lazy lass]

Great advise from franticwithworry,
Hang on in there, my son was falsley accused while in his first year at uni, it was an awful time, but with love of his family and endless support we got through 9 months on bail followed by NFA.
It is a scary and worrying road but your son will get there, it's unfortunate the girls can make accusations and make so many lives very miserable for a long time.
Keep posting on here doesn't matter if your son,you or your family are having a bad day or struggling to cope everyone on here will be able to help you all through this, being part of this brilliant site really helped me through the ups and downs of the wicked accusation. You are not alone.

[Peter1975]

There is never much to add when FWW posts, her advice is excellent as usual

I hope that this will be cleared up quickly but it sadly may be a long wait. There is no telling. Beyond following FWW's advice with making timelines and keeping an eye on social media, I can only suggest you do not put your lives on hold and try not to worry about things that may not happen.

It is extremely unusual for the police to look at both complainants and defendants phones so there is plenty of hope that they see this for what it is and will act accordingly.

I'll have my fingers crossed for some common sense.

[Lucky]

The phones could hold vital evidence for your son. It could also be damning.

I have read lots of horror stories where young people have ended up having conversations, which they never think we will be found ( snapchat, twitter, whatsapp etc ).

It all depends what the police are looking for.

Just make sure your son doesn't now go on a social media drive that could ruffle some feathers for no reasons. Anything he wants checked or confirmned at this point should be done via a proper solicitor.

Hope it all works out for your son.

[Peter1975]

Just make sure your son doesn't now go on a social media drive that could ruffle some feathers for no reasons. Anything he wants checked or confirmned at this point should be done via a proper solicitor.
.

I really wish there were voting buttons on here sometimes. Lucky's post gets the thumbs down.

I think what he is trying to say is that you should be a silent observer on social media and take screenshots only. Do not send any messages or make your presence known. Evidence and messages gathered from facebook etc by the defendants has been instrumental in more than a few trials, quite why you would pay a solicitor a fortune to do this when you can do it yourself I have no idea.

[Rights Fighter]

Another good example of the bad advice L gives to people. Nobody has to ruffle feathers when obtaining evidence from social media. If posts are public then it's absolutely fine to take helpful screenshots as our Peter1975 so rightly says.

[Blingguy]

Another good example of the bad advice L gives to people. Nobody has to ruffle feathers when obtaining evidence from social media. If posts are public then it's absolutely fine to take helpful screenshots as our Peter1975 so rightly says.

My heart goes out to you and your son.

[Stressed out mother]

As a mum I so emphasize with you. I hope it goes away quickly but our idea of quickly and the police version seems to differ by months. In my sons case this all started in September and tomorrow he appears at magistrates court. In our case he has been charged and our solicitor has made the comment that he cannot understand the mentality of the CPS pressing chargers.
So we have had to button down for the long haul, and I will be honest in my mind I have played out every possible scenario!! I truely hope your nightmare is over quicker but meantime for his own sake make sure he keeps away from this girl and for heavens sake don't name her on any social media!! You will find she enjoys all the sympathy and legal rules are all in her favour as she is painted as the victim in all this, even if she is nothing but a liar. Make sure from here on she has nothing more to hold against your son.