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19 years old and there no point carrying on in this life

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  • 19 years old and there no point carrying on in this life

    Hi everyone, ive been silently going through the forum for the last few days and i feel its the perfect kind of environment I need to be around right now to keep me somewhat sane.
    I have been wrongly accused of rape and i was arrested and bailed last friday. (This going to be long)

    The incident occurred 2 Saturdays ago and the victim reported it on Thursday saying that i raped her.
    The incident is very complicated but since being released on bail i have been making detailed notes on everything i can remember doing that night. ill link the google docs if you guys dont mind reading it aand giving your thoughts on the situation and if im done for already and thees no hope. (Should i really be sharing this info, no names are mentioned...... https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing

    Long story short. The girl and i were watching a film in her room (were dorm roomates and just friend) we were drinking wine to begin with, during the movie conversation escalated and became somewhat sexual.

    She out of nowhere went and got changed from her jeans and a top to a silk nighgown set after telling me how her boyfriend (he had cheated o her and theyd just broken up so she said) diddnt even appriciate it when she put effort for him (I had not initiatted or promted her in anyway)

    As the films going i finnish my mug of wine and she insist i go and get my suthern comfort (dark spirit) i initially refused but then went along with it and when i went back to my room i also took a condom just in case due to the way the conversation was going and the signs she was giving me.

    In bringing the drink she was in a way forcing me to drink more and more as she always was the one to pour it into my cup without me knowing and then she poured herself some aswell witout me even pressuring or infering her to do so. After about 1/3 of the bottle was shared between us the film ended and we went to put a new show on and she chose it, during which she was sitting on my lap when using the computer.

    We then stood up and were leaning against the wall she had her arms around my head and was staring at my lips and eyes smilling all the while and sexual tension was held for what seemed like forever.

    We then fell on the bed and i started kissing her neck and she would try and kiss my lips but i consciously tried to avoid that for some reason. The whole thing progressively escalated to where i had by now felt her boobs and "digitally" started touching but throughout she was constantly moaning and touching myback and hair.

    The problem is that throughout she would have moments of pauses where she would stop and hit me with the same repetitive questions "do you think we should do this" "wont we regret it cus were neighbours" "dont you have a gf" "im single and can do this but can you? i dont want to get inbetween anything dude" to me these were all questions just to ensure that ik what was going on and so she could reasure herself and every time she asked a question i would stop and answer.

    During this part she asked me if i had a condom, we talked about when the last time we had sex, she asked if i had fingered her after touching myself and whether she might need the morning after pill, we talked about if she was on any contraceptive.

    So as you can guess in my mind sex was definitely on the table. however at one point when she asked about the condom i took it out of my pocket opened it and showed her and she hitt me with the same loads of questions over again andsaid she was anxious. At this point ihad gotten tiered of replying and trying to reassure her and i gave up and layed down and passed out next to her.

    I was then woken up by her asking me "what do you like about me" initially i was super confused just being woken up like that but i then replied like any body would when a girl with no pants on in a silk nigh gown set is lying next to you after all the other things you guys already did would. "beautiful, cute, personality" etc. She then puts her hand in my shorts and starts masturbating me extremely aggressively.

    [irrelevant sexual detail deleted....but no penetrative intercourse took place between the OP and his accuser]


    Now she went and told the officers that she had said no several times during the altercation and that i forced everything and rapped her. She didnt mention anything about her wanking me or me falling asleep during the incident and she didnt mention certian things in her statement that were generic to the situation.

    I was just baffled by the whole allegation as im heath student in uni and i would never in my right mind thing of doing anything which would jeopardise my future like a sexual assault. Now i feel im going to get kicked out of uni and theres baisically no point in carrying on. I dont even know how im going to tell my parents or my girlfriend. One mistake has ended my whole life.
    Last edited by Casehardened; 28 February 2017, 12:30 PM. Reason: to split text into paragraphs and delete unnecessary explicit sexual detail

  • #2
    I can barely read this as it's mainly one block of text. What I can make is that it includes a lot of information that we do not need to read. We do not need the explicit details.
    People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

    PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Rights Fighter View Post
      I can barely read this as it's mainly one block of text. What I can make is that it includes a lot of information that we do not need to read. We do not need the explicit details.
      Sorry for that, i would edit the post to minimalise the detail but i currently dont know how to.

      Comment


      • #4
        One of the Admins or moderators will be along shortly to do that for you. Thank you for coming back so quickly. Much appreciated
        People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

        PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

        Comment


        • #5
          As RF says the sexual detail is unecessary from the point of advising/supporting you, unfortunately I'm currently viewing the forum on a small tablet so editing will take a while, but bear with me....
          'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by MyLifesOver View Post
            Sorry for that, i would edit the post to minimalise the detail but i currently dont know how to.
            The edit window is 20 minutes.
            'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by MyLifesOver View Post
              [irrelevant sexual detail deleted....sexual intercourse using a condom took place between the OP and his accuser]
              condom was put on, but no penetrative intercourse actually occurred.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by MyLifesOver View Post
                condom was put on, but no penetrative intercourse actually occurred.
                Apologies, I misunderstood your original text, I will re-edit your op to clarify this point.
                'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

                Comment


                • #9
                  This link may help with some non-specific advice:

                  http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now
                  'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The more details like the ones you include above the more likelihood it will be read by your accuser. If your accuser reads it, or the police/legal team, this is part of your defence exposed as it were, I'd say. The more details you give away the more likely it is they can come up with something to overturn it or raise doubt in the jury's mind. Got to think ahead - what if it does go to trial? Keep your cards close to your chest. Also, you are definitely not alone - there are lots of cases like yours. What you need to do now is gather any evidence you can - social media postings that are relevant, etc. although DO NOT have contact with the accuser in ANY way. Copy, paste and print. You will live through this, you will be able to tolerate any outcome and emerge the other side wiser, stronger and harder to knock down. Listen to Casehardened and Rights Fighter - they know what they are talking about.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by sqounk View Post
                      The more details like the ones you include above the more likelihood it will be read by your accuser. If your accuser reads it, or the police/legal team, this is part of your defence exposed as it were, I'd say. The more details you give away the more likely it is they can come up with something to overturn it or raise doubt in the jury's mind. Got to think ahead - what if it does go to trial? Keep your cards close to your chest. Also, you are definitely not alone - there are lots of cases like yours. What you need to do now is gather any evidence you can - social media postings that are relevant, etc. although DO NOT have contact with the accuser in ANY way. Copy, paste and print. You will live through this, you will be able to tolerate any outcome and emerge the other side wiser, stronger and harder to knock down. Listen to Casehardened and Rights Fighter - they know what they are talking about.
                      thankyou for the advice, i was just so adamant that there was no way the situation could be percieved as rape thus why i was so open about it. It all just confuses me. How could this happen?

                      I'll continue adding to my notes from what i remember that night, i have currently removed it from being public therefore if you do want to read it just message me separately.
                      Tomorrow i have meetings with my university personal tutor and head of the course as i made them aware that something serious just happened and i wasn't sure of how i could concentrate and complete my assignments. Im so scared that they're just going to kick me off the course.

                      I also have a meeting tomorrow with Kieth Astbury tomorrow, a solicitor i contacted after seeing his name on the forum.

                      I was also advised to go to my GP but ive never been a person to cry for help before and even tho ive had times where the only thing on my mind was suicide and waves of depression im hesitant to book an appointment.

                      Any guidance will be greatly appreciated

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I understand the urge to relate every little detail, but it's not necessary to convince us, I promise! :-) The 'how can this have happened to me?' can be overwhelming, I know. I hope things have settled a little for you now and thecpanic is subsiding. If it hasn't yet, it will.

                        You've had great advice here, and I'm glad you have an appointment with a good solicitor too. If you see this in time, don't be afraid to take a friend with you if you've confided in someone (two sets of ears are better than one), and in any event, take pad and pen with written questions so that you don't forget anything and can take lots of notes.

                        As for the doctor, please don't think of it in terms of 'crying for help'. I firmly believe that shock and trauma of this kind is a medical issue which can benefit from medical help just like any visible physical injury. Not everyone needs it, but if you need help to deal with sleeplessness or anxiety, the doctor is the place to go unless you have any remedies that work for you already. Your GP can possibly arrange counselling too, if that would be helpful.

                        Everyone is different and has different needs and there's nothing wrong with meeting them.
                        'Mongolian Warriors had the courage of lions, the patience of hounds, the prudence of cranes, the long-sightedness of ravens, the wildness of wolves, the passion of fightingcocks, the keenness of cats, the fury of wild boars and the cunning of foxes.' BE A MONGOLIAN WARRIOR WHEN DEFENDING YOUR INNOCENCE!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by MyLifesOver View Post
                          ...........................

                          I also have a meeting tomorrow with Kieth Astbury tomorrow, a solicitor i contacted after seeing his name on the forum.

                          I was also advised to go to my GP but ive never been a person to cry for help before and even tho ive had times where the only thing on my mind was suicide and waves of depression im hesitant to book an appointment.

                          Any guidance will be greatly appreciated
                          Keith Astbury is fab! I do hope your meeting is productive and you feel better afterwards.

                          Going to the GP is not crying for help - literally it could be a lifesaver. Book an appointment and maybe ask for some one-to-one CBT. You should find that will really help.

                          Hold on in there!
                          People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                          PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                          Comment

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