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Thread: Giving up hope..

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
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    10

    Unhappy Giving up hope..

    Hi
    I've been looking at the sight since October when my whole world fell apart.
    My 18 year old daughter accused my partner (step dad) of raping her.

    All sat down for dinner and she came out with it after an heated exchange about her going away to uni and us not being on hand to support. My partner completely denied it told me if I don't call the police then he will. Which I did, he has been bailed once already due to go back tomorrow.

    He had spoken to his solicitor earlier in the week he said he suspected that he would be bailed again.
    My daughter has been displaying odd behaviour she has both physically illness and I do believe mental too. I'm trying to get her the help she needs as well as remain impartial.
    The forensic did find traces on DNA semen on her duvet but I'm not totally convinced by this as she had our spare duvet as we had winter and summer ones she got a new double bed and just used the spare one.

    She never told me till a week after and is now living in supported accommodation for young people as she kept running away. She's gone on to sleep with 2 other individuals since this happened at the end of September. Would you really behave like this?

    I've had a very challenging week with her, and today it transpired that the police called her earlier in the week and told her not to say anything to me but they will be pressing charges. Isn't this a breech of rights? Surely the accused. Should be first to. Know? (However she could be lying)

    I'm totally wiped out with it all, partner is adamant he has never looked at her in that way let alone raped her, we were just about to start ivf, my daughter was an only child.

    Could she really be that against me to make all this up???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    21

    Default

    hi and welcome.
    I'm in a similar situation with my daughter accusing my husband of inappropriate touching. My mind is in constant turmoil of 'one of them is lying'.You'll find this forum full of support whether you're a poster or a lurker (I do a bit of both).
    From my own experience I can only say it's a long journey and the absolute definition of 'emotional rollercoaster'
    Have a hug from me
    SL

  3. #3
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    Feb 2017
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    Default

    Thank you SL, I thought that I had already joined as a member but the past few months have been such a rollercoaster like you say. I'm trying to support them both as she is certain it happened and he is certain it didn't and as I was away at the time I honestly don't know. Only she knows for certain if this happened and him if he actually did it. Being stuck in between 2 people you love is so difficult,

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
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    69

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    Hi In Despair 22. I am glad that you have found this forum, but sorry to welcome you here. What you are going through is awful, but you have come to the right place. There are some members on here that have been or are currently going through similar situations. So please don't feel like you are on your own. Only small comfort at the moment I know.

    You will get through this. Keep posting if it helps.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    21

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by In despair 22 View Post
    Thank you SL, I thought that I had already joined as a member but the past few months have been such a rollercoaster like you say. I'm trying to support them both as she is certain it happened and he is certain it didn't and as I was away at the time I honestly don't know. Only she knows for certain if this happened and him if he actually did it. Being stuck in between 2 people you love is so difficult,
    I know how you feel - and you will be bombared with 'where's your motherly instinct' - keep strong, I know its hard to try and support them both

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
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    What a long day.
    They've decided to charge him, he will appear in court next month.
    The only evidence they had was the DNA on the duvet.
    I'm some what releaved that they didn't find anything, I just hope that my instincts are right.
    I had decided that if NFA was taken today I would book myself a nice holiday somewhere hot instead I think I need to battern down the hatches and be prepared for the rough ride ahead.

  7. #7
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    Oct 2016
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    Default

    Sorry to hear this - here if you need to rant (I dream of a holiday but know that's a long time away!)
    SL
    xx

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
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    Default

    Thanks everyone, I've got to get back to normality next week had a few weeks holiday from work to work things through.
    Dear daughter is trying to keep me at arms length I've reminded her I will always be her mother regardless, I just can't commit to either one of them as I don't know the truth I wasn't in the house at the time.
    I've been horrible to him even said we could end this all with a joint suicide pact if he did it( I wouldn't but I just need the truth and will say anything to try and get to the bottom of it) the response was I haven't done anything so that we don't need to. I've been verbally beating him up about it since it all started however now I have to stop because it's driving me insane. Almost have to take a step back and just let it all play out in front of me.
    I feel really sad that the man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is accused of this and it's by my daughter it's like a double ended sword.
    So the sun is shining and one must try to remain positive

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    3

    Default i was found innocent but they tried framing me

    [QUOTE=In despair 22;68937]Hi

    ok if I could attatch evidence I would , if admin will let me put evidence links on I will show evidence.

    Trust nobody

    Gp changed diagnosis
    social workers and mental health mass false reports
    solicitors ignored evidence

    I put in a sworn avit davit myself to the court requiring queens bench and copied in numerous mp and high level professionals.

    no evidence but multi agencies leaked the allegation and I suffered.

    advice do subject access requests via ico and see what is being written behind your backs and foi on all agencies you can think of, I was imprisoned and nearly everyone had the same thing happen to them, I was found innocent and I think soley re my own avit davit.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    582

    Default

    In Despair, I feel your pain so much!
    I'm not torn between 2 family members like you but I'm torn in another way.
    It's agony!
    I too have tried everything to test my OH as to the truth.
    The allegations have affected all of us and when the children were being affected my OH was devastated.
    He told them that he would fix it if he could, but he was innocent so couldn't give us any resolution.
    It broke his heart.
    We struggle with this being torn in half every day.
    Most days we cope, some days we don't.
    We just have to learn to live with it.
    I wish I could tell you that I've found the answer, but it's been 7 years now and I've not found a miracle cure!
    We just keep going, and trying to ignore the elephant in the room!
    Helping others here helps me.
    And keeping things in perspective, we're all healthy!
    As they say - "count your blessings"!!!
    Hang in there
    YoH

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    21

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    Quote Originally Posted by In despair 22 View Post
    Thanks everyone, I've got to get back to normality next week had a few weeks holiday from work to work things through.
    Dear daughter is trying to keep me at arms length I've reminded her I will always be her mother regardless, I just can't commit to either one of them as I don't know the truth I wasn't in the house at the time.
    I've been horrible to him even said we could end this all with a joint suicide pact if he did it( I wouldn't but I just need the truth and will say anything to try and get to the bottom of it) the response was I haven't done anything so that we don't need to. I've been verbally beating him up about it since it all started however now I have to stop because it's driving me insane. Almost have to take a step back and just let it all play out in front of me.
    I feel really sad that the man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is accused of this and it's by my daughter it's like a double ended sword.
    So the sun is shining and one must try to remain positive
    I feel your pain, its been over a year now for us. I'm trying normal but it comes in waves, I'll be at work and then the elephant in the room appears and I'll just break down. DD is hiding herself away in her room, talking to her friends, singing, not a care in the world. OH is in another house desperate to return home.

    Everyday I see 'normal families' and it breaks my heart.

    The sun is shining and I try to remain positive but it's hard. If you want to PM pelase do

    SL x

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