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Thread: Scared and suicidal - Somebody help (FA sexual assault)

  1. #61
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    Default

    In a bid to lighten the tone, but not make light of the situation my ex-wife, the FA, looked at me like filth. So do not take it to heart.

    The Police do get it wrong - as the Police Community Liaison resource found out in Bristol this week, he was Tasered by the the local constabulary....

    So expect the worst & plan for it. You will then be well prepared for the surprises along the route. Not all of them will be nasty.

    You are not alone.

    Mr B

  2. #62
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    Thank you MrB
    I was having a rather bad day and I too felt that I was being more negative than necessary!
    The tone needs to be lightened!!
    There is every chance that this will all be dropped and then you can move on with your life.
    You must be prepared to fight through it though.
    It's not easy but be strong and you WILL get through it.
    You must be strong and take whatever happens.
    You won't feel strong all the time and that's fine.
    But take the rough with the smooth and know there is a future after these things and it will be whatever you make it.
    Sending strength to help you through.
    Big big hugs
    YoH

  3. #63
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    I'm so sorry to hear this. Sorry too that you were treated so poorly. There does seem to be the thinking in the police force - and the general population- that anyone accused is guilty and anyone charged is REALLY guilty.

    That said, there are exceptions and I have to say that when my man went back to the police station with permission to have his bail conditions altered, he was treated with nothing but courtesy and respect, and called 'Sir' or 'Mr .... ' throughout, from the officer at reception, to the Custody Sergeant. In a way, it makes the rude behaviour all the more reprehensible and unnecessary, but my point is that any further contact with the police may be different. They are not all horrible.

    Don't forget too, that this is your chance for the accuser to be challenged. There are pros and cons to both NFA and charge. We don't get a choice, but you and a good legal team can take this opportunity to metaphorically take the case by the scruff of the neck, give it a good shake and make all the lies fall out. Not all charges get to trial, but if they do, be fully prepared and there is a good chance that a jury will see things for what they really are.


  4. #64
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    Default Hearing tomorrow

    Hi again everybody

    Just an update: I have my hearing at the Magistrates tomorrow! I believe it's where I plead guilty or not guilty (will be pleading NG obviously)

    Can anybody tell me what happens tomorrow and what I should expect, also what happens after this? I have heard something about crown court in 18 days....?

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fusiondoe View Post
    Hi again everybody

    Just an update: I have my hearing at the Magistrates tomorrow! I believe it's where I plead guilty or not guilty (will be pleading NG obviously)

    Can anybody tell me what happens tomorrow and what I should expect, also what happens after this? I have heard something about crown court in 18 days....?
    Hi,

    Tomorrow you can expect a lot of waiting around before you are called. You should hopefully find your Sol and have time for a chat before you go into the courtroom. It will take no more than 10 minutes. It's known as a mode of trial hearing at the magistrates if I remember right and you will just have to confirm your name and you may enter a plea, you may not. For serious offences (indictable only) you are not allowed to enter a plea at this stage.

    There will be up to 3 magistrates and they will hear the charges, look at the sentencing guidelines and decide whether or not it needs to be heard in crown court and give you a date to reappear. This will be within 2-3 weeks generally. You should be rebailed on the same conditions as the police bail and be free to go and get your suit ready for the plea and trial preparation hearing (PTPH) at the crown court.

    There may be a journalist from the local rag in the courtroom. You will empty your pockets, pass through metal detectors and have handbags searched each time you go in to the building so leave your swiss army knife at home or it will be confiscated. Depending on the court, taking some change for vending machines is a good idea. Don't forget change for the car park.

    The magistrates court will be full of local riff raff so watch your valuables. Take a newspaper or something. I was there 3 hours before I was called.

    Good luck

  6. #66
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    Default Had my hearing

    Magistrates offered me the chance to have the case tried there or in crown court! Solicitor advised I choose crown... Which I did.

    Can a case be thrown out at the pre crown court hearing which I hav have in 2 weeks? Not getting my hopes up but a friend told me that can happen.

    Also what happens at this hearing guys?

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fusiondoe View Post
    Magistrates offered me the chance to have the case tried there or in crown court! Solicitor advised I choose crown... Which I did.

    Can a case be thrown out at the pre crown court hearing which I hav have in 2 weeks? Not getting my hopes up but a friend told me that can happen.

    Also what happens at this hearing guys?
    An "either way" offence gives you the option to be tried in front of a jury at the crown court. The advantages when you are innocent are that crown court trials examine evidence in more detail and juries are less likely to pass a guilty verdict than a magistrate.

    The Plea and trial preparation hearing is easy enough for the defendant. Crown courts tend to run more or less on time so there should be less waiting around. You will enter the dock, the dock officer will take your phone (unless you give it to someone else) and tell you to stand when the judge enters. You just confirm your name and plead not guilty to each of the charges and answer any questions the judge may ask you - they are addressed as "your honour" (they may not ask you anything).

    You will then be asked to sit down and the barristers and judge will discuss the evidence, number of witnesses etc and decide on how many days the trial will be scheduled to take. Listen carefully so you know what is going on. The judge will set dates for disclosure of evidence and unused material and lastly, set a date for the trial itself. None of these dates are set in stone. You will be bailed on the same conditions and be free to leave the court.

    This may be one of the only times you will get to speak to your barrister so I urge you to go prepared with notes and questions and take further notes.

    A case can be dropped by the cps at any time, even during the trial but I wouldn't hold your breath. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. The PTPH is not examining the strength or validity of the evidence, it is an administrative exercise merely preparing the trial and accepting a plea. The evidence will be tested in the trial itself.

    Dress smart in case you get the same judge for the trial.

    Good luck.

  8. #68
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    Default Trial starts

    My Trial date hasn't been set for the 17th July 2017.

    So fed up. Somebody kill me please

  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fusiondoe View Post
    My Trial date hasn't been set for the 17th July 2017.

    So fed up. Somebody kill me please
    Has*** been set 17th July

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fusiondoe View Post
    My Trial date hasn't been set for the 17th July 2017.

    So fed up. Somebody kill me please
    No!
    You can do this!
    No one has questioned the liar until the trial.
    They are treated as being believed all the way to the trial.
    Now they're going to be scrutinised and it won't be pleasant for either of you but you have the benefit of knowing that what you're saying is the truth, they don't have that!
    You will get through it.
    So many of our members have.
    Be strong!
    We're all rooting for you!
    YoH

  11. #71
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    Well said as usual YOH.

    As far as I can see, the evidence against you is flimsy and the evidence you have in your defence, your GF and the text messages with the FA afterward will set the jury thinking.My first question would be why would you do such a thing if your GF was expected at any moment? It's madness that cases like yours reach court. Sadly this is the world we live in at the moment.

    Court is daunting and it's natural to fear the unknown but the purpose of a trial is to arrive at the truth, remember that.

  12. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter1975 View Post
    Well said as usual YOH.

    As far as I can see, the evidence against you is flimsy and the evidence you have in your defence, your GF and the text messages with the FA afterward will set the jury thinking.My first question would be why would you do such a thing if your GF was expected at any moment? It's madness that cases like yours reach court. Sadly this is the world we live in at the moment.

    Court is daunting and it's natural to fear the unknown but the purpose of a trial is to arrive at the truth, remember that.
    Thank you buddy and thanks YOH.

    I know you guys are right, it's just that... if I get found guilty I'll accept prison with my head held high because I know I am honest and not guilty.

    Prison doesn't even bother me, what bothers me is the stigma and being labelled as a 'sex offender'!!! I absolutely hate rapists and pedophiles etc, to be labelled one makes me feel sick. I have two daughters!!!

    Sorry guys to be so negative, just having a real bad day with it.

  13. #73
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    I hope you have a better day today.

    Please try to stay away from the 'what-if's' if you can. I know you need to be prepared for the worst, but not yet. That comes later. At the moment, try to focus on the fact that you ARE innocent of this accusation, that the 'evidence', such as it is, IS flimsy, and you CAN with good, experienced representation, prove your case.

    If you can focus on gathering evidence for your defence, maintaining a strong mental and emotional health and keep yourself busy so you don't dwell on the negative possibilities, hopefully your bad days will not be so frequent.

    You're innocent. That's the main and most important fact. All the horrors are the less likely outcome. Don't ever forget that.

    For men with integrity, this is the most heinous and appalling accusation that could be levied against them. Society seems to forget that most men are good men who respect other people, including women, even though there are gender differences.

    I think and hope that there are many rebelling now against the 'all men are rapists' chant. They are not. You are not.

    Never lose sight of that.
    'Mongolian Warriors had the courage of lions, the patience of hounds, the prudence of cranes, the long-sightedness of ravens, the wildness of wolves, the passion of fightingcocks, the keenness of cats, the fury of wild boars and the cunning of foxes.' BE A MONGOLIAN WARRIOR WHEN DEFENDING YOUR INNOCENCE!

  14. #74
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    If you read through other threads you will see we have had several NG verdicts this year.

    Hold on in there!
    Chris Saltrese Solicitors - private client only: http://www.chrissaltrese.co.uk/contact-us/ - Telephone: 01704 535 512:

    Private forums for those maintaining innocence of HISTORIC sexual offences: http://www.pafaa.org.uk/wordpress/?page_id=729

  15. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fusiondoe View Post
    Thank you buddy and thanks YOH.

    I know you guys are right, it's just that... if I get found guilty I'll accept prison with my head held high because I know I am honest and not guilty.

    Prison doesn't even bother me, what bothers me is the stigma and being labelled as a 'sex offender'!!! I absolutely hate rapists and pedophiles etc, to be labelled one makes me feel sick. I have two daughters!!!

    Sorry guys to be so negative, just having a real bad day with it.
    Hi there,

    I remember going through the same thought process as you are and had mentally prepared myself for prison but it did me no favours in terms of my mental state. I know it's hard but please try to stay positive, I went through a 5 day trial and was found NG after less than 30 mins deliberation 3 years back so keep strong knowing the truth does come out in the end.

    It's a horrible situation to be in and you are living in the constant fear of uncertainty and hate to think of future plans because you are uncertain what it's going to be, I know the mental torture you are going through. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, you will get through this.

  16. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by edinguy View Post
    Hi there,

    I remember going through the same thought process as you are and had mentally prepared myself for prison but it did me no favours in terms of my mental state. I know it's hard but please try to stay positive, I went through a 5 day trial and was found NG after less than 30 mins deliberation 3 years back so keep strong knowing the truth does come out in the end.

    It's a horrible situation to be in and you are living in the constant fear of uncertainty and hate to think of future plans because you are uncertain what it's going to be, I know the mental torture you are going through. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, you will get through this.
    Thanks Edinguy

    Trial has been put back to August now as the Accuser is on holiday apparently.... So me and the Mrs have booked 10 days in Cyprus, 5 star hotel all inclusive in the middle of July!!! Spent a fortune but I need it... never needed a holiday so much before.

    Part of me is grateful that I have quite a while before I go to court (in case I am found guilty and go to jail) yet the other half wants to go to court tomorrow and prove her wrong!

  17. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fusiondoe View Post
    Thanks Edinguy

    Trial has been put back to August now as the Accuser is on holiday apparently.... So me and the Mrs have booked 10 days in Cyprus, 5 star hotel all inclusive in the middle of July!!! Spent a fortune but I need it... never needed a holiday so much before.

    Part of me is grateful that I have quite a while before I go to court (in case I am found guilty and go to jail) yet the other half wants to go to court tomorrow and prove her wrong!
    Hey mate how did you get on?

  18. #78
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    mrunknown, Fusiondoe hasn't logged in since May. Like you I hope all went well for him.
    'Mongolian Warriors had the courage of lions, the patience of hounds, the prudence of cranes, the long-sightedness of ravens, the wildness of wolves, the passion of fightingcocks, the keenness of cats, the fury of wild boars and the cunning of foxes.' BE A MONGOLIAN WARRIOR WHEN DEFENDING YOUR INNOCENCE!

  19. #79
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    Default Trial put back again

    Sorry guys!

    Trial was put back again to February because there was nobody available to be an intermediary to help ‘her understand things better’, and she will be behind a screen as well so she doesn’t have to face me ... lol purleaaaase! Honestly you couldn’t write this stuff... coward!!!

    Her brother who has now decided to give evidence also which is hilarious as his evidence is ‘he heard me and her talking about going for a cigarette’ - He also has chosen to be behind a screen!!! Why won’t none of them face me the gutless lieing *****

    Aside from that there is nothing to report except that my solicitor sent me her statement and there are a lot of inconsistencies and she has changed several points from her original statement.
    Also when they tried to gain access to her phone to search through all the texts, her father had conveniently wiped the phone the day after she made the accusation to Police and sold it - Even my Solicitor is laughing now...

    Tbh the whole thing is out of my mind now as it’s so laughable, I don’t want to get cocky but I really can’t see how this can go any other way but in my favour, of course I may be wrong but I’m beyond caring. The whole system is a joke and I will never ever ever again put my faith in the justice system so long as I live.
    Last edited by Fusiondoe; 13th December 2017 at 10:30 PM.

  20. #80
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    Default Ground rules hearing

    UPDATE:

    So on Feb 6th we now have a ground rules hearing to discuss how they are going to conduct the trial for the accuser with things such as pre prepared questions.

    Is this some kind of joke... I want to scream from the rooftops at how much these people are being played! I am so sick of hearing how vulnerable she is!

    Seriously had enough. It seems she is getting every single support available and I am getting nothing. Itís almost like they are attempting to make me be found guilty.

    So what exactly happens at a ground rules hearing? Any first hand experiences

  21. #81
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    Hi FD.

    I hope you are bearing up ok.

    A ground rules hearing is pretty much what it says on the tin.

    If the complainant is legally a child or classed as "vulnerable" ie has diagnosed learning difficulties, then they will go out of their way to make their giving evidence as easy as possible. I did attend a ground rules hearing but I can't remember a thing about it, not that I could hear much. - Make sure you ask for a hearing loop if you can't hear properly!

    I think the jist of it is to make sure everything is in place so that there is no avoidable delay or waiting around and to decide on how long the comp can be questioned for without losing concentration. Having the questions pre approved by the judge is not necessarily a bad thing, it means they are less likely to interrupt the barrister for one thing.

    The special measures are set out on the cps website :

    https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/special-measures

    The good news is that cases involving phone downloads have been all over the news lately and hopefully some of the jury will have been reading the papers, it is not going to reflect well on her even if you don't have all the messages yourself and should be straightforward to suggest to the jury that she was trying to hide something by destroying the messages.

    Please let us know how you get on.
    Consider carefully what you post in public. To join secure closed forums for those falsely accused of historical sex offences visit :http://www.pafaa.org.uk/wordpress/?page_id=729

  22. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter1975 View Post
    Hi FD.

    I hope you are bearing up ok.

    A ground rules hearing is pretty much what it says on the tin.

    If the complainant is legally a child or classed as "vulnerable" ie has diagnosed learning difficulties, then they will go out of their way to make their giving evidence as easy as possible. I did attend a ground rules hearing but I can't remember a thing about it, not that I could hear much. - Make sure you ask for a hearing loop if you can't hear properly!

    I think the jist of it is to make sure everything is in place so that there is no avoidable delay or waiting around and to decide on how long the comp can be questioned for without losing concentration. Having the questions pre approved by the judge is not necessarily a bad thing, it means they are less likely to interrupt the barrister for one thing.

    The special measures are set out on the cps website :

    https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/special-measures

    The good news is that cases involving phone downloads have been all over the news lately and hopefully some of the jury will have been reading the papers, it is not going to reflect well on her even if you don't have all the messages yourself and should be straightforward to suggest to the jury that she was trying to hide something by destroying the messages.

    Please let us know how you get on.
    Thanks Peter

    I seriously believe I am going to jail you know. You hear all these horror stories and every time I ask my solicitor how things are looking, he seems to get very vague and almost looks negative.

    ĎI think you come across well but obviously the texts cause us some concerní... Itís driving me mad because I feel as if he believes Iím going to get a guilty and wonít tell me.

    I am also petrified of this cross examination process in case I forget something or accidentally say some thing wrong.... arghhhhh I just donít know

    I hate these last couple of weeks, seriously had enough

  23. #83
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    This is the living nightmare but you have to keep strong.
    Hold your head high in court and be honest.
    If you feel you may something wrong, then just remember this:
    Stop and think before you answer
    If the question can be answered with yes or no then just say yes or no.
    The prosecution have a trick of staying quiet after youíve spoken and you must resist the urge to say more than just the answer to the question.
    Be clear and be truthful.
    Remember, she will be cross examined too and for the first time her story will be scrutinised.
    Youíve already had that from the police so know what to expect but she hasnít.
    You can do this, and it will soon be over.
    Try and focus on your innocence.
    You canít be convicted of ďsexual assault by textĒ!
    You havenít assaulted anyone!
    Sending all the strength possible!!
    Big hugs
    YoH

  24. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by YearsOfHell View Post
    This is the living nightmare but you have to keep strong.
    Hold your head high in court and be honest.
    If you feel you may something wrong, then just remember this:
    Stop and think before you answer
    If the question can be answered with yes or no then just say yes or no.
    The prosecution have a trick of staying quiet after youíve spoken and you must resist the urge to say more than just the answer to the question.
    Be clear and be truthful.
    Remember, she will be cross examined too and for the first time her story will be scrutinised.
    Youíve already had that from the police so know what to expect but she hasnít.
    You can do this, and it will soon be over.
    Try and focus on your innocence.
    You canít be convicted of ďsexual assault by textĒ!
    You havenít assaulted anyone!
    Sending all the strength possible!!
    Big hugs
    YoH
    Hi Frantic

    I know your right with what you say but thatís the issue. I have to convince them I did not.. as she puts it Ďput my hands down her pyjama bottoms and try and touch her vagina, then when she pushed me away I tried to force her bottoms down and bend her overí

    This is what stresses me. What if the jury believe I did that when I didnít

    Sorry guys it must drive you all mad listening to me whine and be so negative but I just canít help it any more

  25. #85
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    I think the main reason Iím so scared and stressed is because they are milking the fact she has slight autism so she is getting intermediary, video link, the complete works.

    Al that goes through my head is that the jury are going to see this vulnerable 18/19 year old and feel sorry for her and convict me. The fact I have mental health issues doesnít seem to be addressed and the psychologist that saw me under my Solicitors request decided I am Ďfit to stand trialí

    So all i can see is this ending with Ďmanipulative/nasty predator takes advantage of vulnerable autistic girlí or something like that and I am going to be fed to the wolves. I just feel I have no chance whatsoever... Maybe I watch the news too often or read up cases too much but I feel because I am the man and she is the female that I have no chance of winning and she will be believed no matter what.... knowing my luck I will have an all female jury

  26. #86
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    Itís ok!
    We know why youíre feeling how you feel.
    No one can say it will all be fine because no one knows!
    It could go horribly wrong and itís better to accept this possibility.
    But it could just as easily go the right way and youíll be free to get on with your life.
    Either way itís not the end of your life and you will be ok.
    Try not to second guess what might happen.
    All you can do is keep calm and tell the truth.
    As always - hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
    Itís going to be tough but you will get through it.
    And weíre here for you whichever way it goes.
    Youíll get through it.
    YoH

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    For one thing, why would you do any of that knowing full well that your girlfriend would be returning at any second!!

    A jury would think that was very unlikely!!
    (Even an all female jury!!)

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    Quote Originally Posted by YearsOfHell View Post
    For one thing, why would you do any of that knowing full well that your girlfriend would be returning at any second!!

    A jury would think that was very unlikely!!
    (Even an all female jury!!)
    This is the sense I am hoping the jury have. This is what my solicitor has says and what I have said from the start. The Mrs could have walked in at any given moment she liked, I would never have stood a chance of not being caught, unless somebody can Pull their trousers up and and hers and sit down within the space of around 3 seconds.

    I donít know... I just donít.

  29. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fusiondoe View Post
    Thanks Peter

    I seriously believe I am going to jail you know. You hear all these horror stories and every time I ask my solicitor how things are looking, he seems to get very vague and almost looks negative.

    ĎI think you come across well but obviously the texts cause us some concerní... Itís driving me mad because I feel as if he believes Iím going to get a guilty and wonít tell me.

    I am also petrified of this cross examination process in case I forget something or accidentally say some thing wrong.... arghhhhh I just donít know

    I hate these last couple of weeks, seriously had enough

    I can't promise that you're not going to jail FD but you do have a very good chance of the jury seeing through the lies and returning the correct verdict. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best as we say.

    Good solicitors are usually non-committal so try not to worry about that and just concentrate on presenting yourself as best as you can.

    There is some advice about facing cross examination in the useful information section and it's not the easiest thing to do but generally speaking if you keep calm, look at the jury while you talk, think about your answers and keep to the point without rambling you should be ok. You have the truth on your side so you shouldn't have much trouble remembering everything unlike the liar who may come undone themselves (they often do)

    The most important thing is not to let the prosecutor rattle you or make you lose your temper. Looking bewildered and incredulous that you should find yourself in court should come naturally!

    http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/f...ul-Information
    Consider carefully what you post in public. To join secure closed forums for those falsely accused of historical sex offences visit :http://www.pafaa.org.uk/wordpress/?page_id=729

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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter1975 View Post
    I can't promise that you're not going to jail FD but you do have a very good chance of the jury seeing through the lies and returning the correct verdict. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best as we say.

    Good solicitors are usually non-committal so try not to worry about that and just concentrate on presenting yourself as best as you can.

    There is some advice about facing cross examination in the useful information section and it's not the easiest thing to do but generally speaking if you keep calm, look at the jury while you talk, think about your answers and keep to the point without rambling you should be ok. You have the truth on your side so you shouldn't have much trouble remembering everything unlike the liar who may come undone themselves (they often do)

    The most important thing is not to let the prosecutor rattle you or make you lose your temper. Looking bewildered and incredulous that you should find yourself in court should come naturally!

    http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/f...ul-Information
    Thanks Pete. Will check out the link you provided!

    I feel a lot more confident today then I did. Just because the more I think about how there is nothing in writing regarding the alleged offence, no dna, just her word against mine... makes me think that it must be hard to convict a person without evidence, surely? Surely you have to prove somebodyís guilt, actually PROVE IT!

    I expect our justice system isnít fair that way though so I wonít hold my breath

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