Upcoming bail date

[Broken-hearted]

So oh is due to answer bail again towards the end of this week and I'm starting to feel twitchy. Likelihood is we have been warned that they will extend again but doubt we will know this until the last minute.

This whole process is soul destroying and we have been quite ratty with each other on the lead up to it. Allegations were made in May so coming up 5 months feel like since then everything has been going on around us and feeling not entirely present in life.

Just wanted to write and say thoughts are with anyone (accused or family of accused) who has a bail date approaching x

[Mr B]

May I offer my heartfelt support to you BH & yours. Hopefully NFA will be your outcome. However in my case even an NFA was not the end.

The FA (The wife) went for a second statement & forced our child into a second ABE due to "new evidence". This was in fact, new allegations of an intense & graphic nature that were not articulated on the first statement (by the wife) or indeed by anyone. Additional allegatiosn have been machined to produce a second ABE...

Sounds like a FA getting desperate to me after her first attempt failed.

So, take your time & defeat the allegation totally. Ask your legal team if a Fact Finding Hearing (FFH) will put this issue to bed once & for all. You do not want it popping up again in 5 months or 5 years. Always ask your legal team first.

I have to go the FFH route. Other options may be legally open to you. You know you are innocent, the anguish comes (in my experience) from being the subject of "herd management" & "group think". You are much stronger than you ever want to know. In essence I was lazy & never had to dig to the bone to get strength. A FA changes that. You do have to do the work. You can do it. It is painful in the extreme, but you can & will do it. It is the right thing to do...

"When you are going through hell, keep going"
Winston Churchill

Kindest regards
Mr B

[Franticwithworry]

Thinking of you, Brokenhearted. I know just how this goes. The strain gets to be unbearable and before you know it, you and your oh are snapping at each other. I am sure that oic's look to cases a day or two before bail is due and think 'oops! nothing is happening on this so I'd better extend.'

It's not fair and it's not right, but knowing it's what's most likely to happen is what keeps us calm(er). It seems, looking at what goes on for others, that progress is just as likely to happen between bail dates as at them, and maintaining the bail date level of stress is utterly debilitating, so we try to think of a bail date as simply renewing the paperwork.

That and lots of hugs and apologies seems to work better than getting panicky!

Hang in there! You are stronger than you think and youve got this far. You CAN manage whatever life or your fa throws at you.

[Broken-hearted]

Sorry mr B it's my partner not me. Sadly allegations made by my daughter against him. My daughter has lied a lot about stuff like this in the past with bfs and this is supposed to have gone on for 4years without my knowledge with her being 11 when it's reported to have started. I'm 98% sure that it cannot have happened due to things leading up to her allegations etc. Currently working with social services with it all.

Yes sadly the nfa doesn't mean the coast is clear. My nannas husband was accused by his daughters when I was young (now mid 30's) it was nfa and then when they were in their 40's case was reopened trial and he was found guilty. He has always maintained his innocence and currently remains in prison despite being in position were if he admitted guilt he would have been released by now so surely that says something!

As for us even if case is nfa it will have great consequences for us as we wanted children and had been trying at the time of the allegations. Life will never be the same and outcome either way will have devastating implications for us moving forwards.

Not sure if there are FFH in England am I right in thinking you don't live in England yourself? Sorry to hear what you have been through it sounds awful. I have read many supportive things you have wrote to others in the forum since you have joined

[Broken-hearted]

Thanks frantic with worry. Hard with it being my daughter. The living of two lives and meeting with professionals who sit and talk about her like they know her after spending a couple of hours with her when in reality they don't have a bloody clue.

Hope you are keeping well, can't remember if I replied to your last PM or not

[Rights Fighter]

...............................

Not sure if there are FFH in England am I right in thinking you don't live in England yourself? Sorry to hear what you have been through it sounds awful. I have read many supportive things you have wrote to others in the forum since you have joined

Here in England it's called "Finding of Fact" (unless it's changed in the last couple of years). As I've said in another thread, when I've gone through paperwork for appeal, I have seen that the FoF hearing happened before the criminal case, because I have had the transcripts for that hearing, which were used at the criminal trial.

Unless things have changed since my last similar case (over a year ago) then there probably is no time table for this sort of thing. One can come before or after the other.

[Broken-hearted]

Are they within the family courts to do with custody etc? That's the only sort I know of through work and likely not appropriate for us as in he won't want anything to do with daughter and children's services would fight against any family rebuilding anyway. Guess only time would be looked at would be if looked at having another child.

I will have to go back and look what you wrote rights fighter and what it was in relation to as I do remember seeing it but not the details as I do read almost everything on here.

[Rights Fighter]

Do you mean the Mantra? Or the fact that family court hearings can happen before trial? All I've said before is a repetition of that. Things might have changed as I am not up to date with family court stuff. It's worth asking your solicitor for a definitive answer.

[Broken-hearted]

No sorry just mean I don't think a finding of fact would be relevant in our scenario at all

[Franticwithworry]

Broken-hearted, I think it's a special kind of awful when close family are involved as you can never get away from it and the damage inevitably passes down the generations. No, you didnt reply to my last message, but it didn't really need one. Love and hugs to you and your man.

[Mr B]

Sorry to all for any confusion. I am in the UK. My Sol used FFH as the reference for the Fact Finding Hearing that reads to me as RF's reference to FoF (Finding of Fact). I am not saying anything has changed in the law - I really do not know. All I can say is a Scotts Schedule is produced, Statements form the other side, Statements from my side & then the FFH to determine if each point (usually limited to <8) is found (bad news) or not found (good news) from my perspective.

My FFH is in Family Law - & yes the Police already have expressed a sly interest in the results. Ohh they are naughty (being polite) seeing as I pay 5K for my own civil trial that they can use to execute a criminal one. British justice at its best.

Apologies for any confusion & an thread hijacking.

Mr B

[Broken-hearted]

No need to apologise mr b the whole system is complicated and confusing!

Thanks franticwithworry. How are you guys doing? Xx

[Franticwithworry]

No need to apologise mr b the whole system is complicated and confusing!

Thanks franticwithworry. How are you guys doing? Xx

'Struggling', if I'm honest, 'doing fine thanks' if we're doing what we need to do to get by. :-) I'm working on the premise of self-fulfilling prophesy in that if I tell myself enough that all will be well it will. The system is cruel and unusual punishment for those who are innocent, and I don't know how my husband is still standing, but he is.

I don't know if you've seen AmandaF's signature on here - They tried to bury us, but they didn't know we were seeds. I'm taking that to heart as much as I can.

I've got slightly paranoid about saying anything that can identify us anywhere at this point, which is an added strain that I know I'm doing to myself, but if all this works out as it should, I'll be screaming from the rooftops about the injustice of it all.

I discovered that the authorities don't keep records of anything other than 'convictions' and 'unsuccessful prosecutions' and it's driving me mad that they have such tunnel vision in a matter that is so serious and life-destroying, so apart from anything else I'm working on a strategy of what to do and how to do it when this is done.

All that aside, life trundles on. I'm hanging on to the hope that by this time next year, everything will be finished and not looking at weeks or months any more. That's helping a bit too.

I hope that you and yours are doing ok.

[Broken-hearted]

With you there with the self fulfilling prophecy. I am sure that part of the reason that he is still standing is because you are there by his side and together you are propping each other up through any wobbles. Yes I think it's a fab quote that she has on her signature

I can understand why you are guarded about saying anything that could be identifiable especially with being aware that these sites are monitored I always make sure I word mine carefully and worry about sharing too much information.

If it works out as it should for you i know there will be a lot of us hollering from the rooftops with you both. I agree with you about how biased the system is and how it has a total disregard for those who are falsely accused, their families, friends and lives that are shattered along the way. I cannot get my head round why so few are prosecuted for peverting the course of justice maybe if more cases were tried or compensation awarded for those who have been falsely accused then there may be fewer allegations that are untrue.

Life does indeed trundle on even if it seems like an experience that we are not fully present in. It's devastating to know that we won't get this time back and how our lives will never be the same again but we are trying to look after each other and make some happy memories along the way if we can.

Xx

[Franticwithworry]

I decided the other day to be fully present in this experience. I've long believed that we are the sum of our experiences, but I was having trouble with this one. There HAS to be something that can be learned from it. I find it excruciatingly painful that family members are involved in this so negatively, but one way or the other it's a lesson. Perhaps it's a lesson in strength and maintaining boundaries. It's heartbreaking to be alienated from children and grandchildren when all we ever wanted was the best for them, but that's just part of the learning curve, it seems. You can't make someone love you and truly toxic people need to be eradicated from one's life, no matter how much you want to love them.

The positive in this is there are people whose support and love for us I wouldn't have guessed at. In many ways the accusation wasn't a surprise and the people who have turned their backs on us aren't a surprise either. I know that we, as a couple, will get through this.

The children and grandchildren were only lent.