Overwhelmed

[myheartisbroken]

I have been following this forum for the last 15 months absolutely shocked at how many people's lives are turned upside down.
What an amazing supportive forum this is. Only just had the courage to post due to fear of 'stalkers'.

We have pre trial looming and I'm going out of my mind. Feeling so down, upset and totally overwhelmed by all of this, just can't believe this is happening. My son has been fasley accused at age 11 he is now 18. At age 11 he was just a little boy. We have been through every emotion possible even the worst thoughts had crossed my mind. Our lives are totally upside down.

[Mr B]

I am sorry to hear this. I was 47 when accused & it knocked the stuffing out of me. At the age of 11 I cannot even begin to think. I know you too are living this daily. To say it is a double tragedy is just not enough. I would like to offer more, but I wanted to reply fast so you do not feel alone. You are not alone. However the feeing is real. A far more seasoned character, with more experience that me will be along presently, I am sure.

In the meantime "This too will pass" kept me going. As did "The difference between tragedy & comedy is only time". So things do get better. I hope you have a supportive network of friends who are actively helping you out. I needed 7 over 6 months to come back. Find them, you need them. Strangers will help (once) but you need longer term support. Hence your friends are worth their weight. It is not what you say to them it is how you say it. Absolute total honesty has so far been my best approach. Privacy under these conditions is a luxury only my FA can afford. I have none.

Take care of yourself & your son.

Kindest
Mr B

[YearsOfHell]

Sorry you are here but welcome just the same!
I have a son of 11, and I know how I would be if it happened to him - just devastating!
My heart aches for you at the very thought!
He is just a little boy.
How you're still standing is a testament to your strength!
You're stronger than you realise.
I'm sure you realise but having a specialist solicitor seems to be key.
Hang in there, you'll find a way.
You have to - for your boy!
Sending so much strength to you!!!
Keep us posted and we will help if we can.
Big hugs to you and him
YoH

[can it get worse]

Welcome to this unfortunate world of FA's.

Sorry that you've come all this way without joining. But I understand your hesitance. It is a frightening thing. I hovered around for a long time before I took the plunge. Once I did though, I became reliant on the support that was offered.

As a mum myself, I can only imagine what you must be going through. You must be beside yourself. But that's what we are here for ..... to support our children through all this. I'm sure he will rely and depend upon your support and faith in him.

The plea hearing is very quick.

Do you have confidence in your solicitor?

Sending support thru the airwaves.

[myheartisbroken]

Overwhelmed

Thank you so much. Trying to stay strong but just feel it's all burying me, feeling of losing the plot. Just don't know which way to turn or what to do. As pre trial gets nearer I'm sinking even deeper. Can't remember what it feels like to feel happy as this has been going on for 15 months now since his ' voluntary' interview.

[Franticwithworry]

I swear the world has gone mad!! It's difficult enough dealing with this as an emotionally mature adult and difficult enough guiding your children down the road to adulthood without this to deal with. At 11 your son was still a child and at 18 he is still an adolescent, much as most teenagers like to think that they're fully-fledged adults. What a dreadful thing to have to deal with so young.

It boggles my mind that women and girls do this to men and boys. Sadly, no-one is safe.

Please remember though, that though it feels as if your world is collapsing, he and you will get through this. He and you know the truth, and the trial is his chance to make it shine. Please don't be afraid to ask for medical help if you need it if it us all overwhelming you. There's no shame in that. This is an indescribable trauma for both of you.

Thinking of you and wishing you both all the strength you need.

[Lucky]

When I think it can't get more depressing I read something like this.

Can't imagine what you're going through.

Hope you find the support and help you need here.

[myheartisbroken]

Overwhelmed

The world has gone completely mad your right, it is beyond me!
Our lives will never be the same again. In the last 15 months I've seen my son change from a happy young man to a distraught wreck breaks my heart. To be accused of something so bad when you were just 11 is ridiculous he was just an innocent child, what he's been falsely accused of wouldn't have even entered his head.
Some of the papers have been released does anyone know why full disclosure isn't released until after pre trial? Any help would be appreciated. Many thanks

[Mr B]

Ok a couple of points.
[1] Life is not over.
[2] You are emotionally overwhelmed. I accept this. Poor decisions are made. Criminal acts happen. So , if you can just sit. Whatever it takes (Computer games, etc) just sit. This too will pass. This is really the hardest part - the shearing of ones emotions.
However the FA is digital. The FA gives "FA" about you.
So whilst your emotions do you credit they WILL be used against you.

I have a hope. It is not much. But it is mine. I have a very tired old Land Rover Dormobile - only 823 ever made.
http://www.expeditionlandrover.info/.../pictures.html

She is being crudely restored. If I can buy her back post divorce I will happily offer your son a road trip round Europe. He will get dirty (covered in EP90 - look it up on Land Rover forums). He may become deaf - they vehicle is very noisy. However I can show him the places I found fulfilling in Europe. 3 places btw.

I would say this. Fight against the situation. I do not care if that is a fair or unfair fight. Just fight. You are in it like it or not. You have been put in this situation not by your own hand. So fight. Use your teeth if you have too. Just fight. Anger is more useful than despair (Acknowledgments to Arnold). However it is true. The anger will get you passed the depression.

There IS a future. You may not like the changes your will be obliged to make. The world cares not. However I do. With the broken & second hand tools I have in time I hope I can offer your son a bit of an escape. He had better be fit as I cannot start the blessed diesel on the hand crank ;-)

Get him looking at a map of Europe. The places he would like to see. Look forward. Raise your gaze.
I do not underestimate the challenge you face. Distraction works. You can get those barriers up so you do not become so easily become overwhelmed so often. It will still happen but less & less in time.

Hope that Helps you.
Works for me.
Mr B

[myheartisbroken]

Overwhelmed

Thank you Mr B your very kind.
I do try and be positive but some days it all gets on top of me. Distraction is good I've tried to stay at work busying myself but it's when your on your own your mind just works overtime thinking of the worst possible scenario.
It's a very lonely time.

[Mr B]

It is. So adopt a way of thinking that helps...Whatever works.
I have a Fact Finding Hearing coming up. I expect to be exonerated of all 7 allegations. I am not looking forward to this event.

So I am changing my thoughts & how I think about it to be much more relaxed. hence a better performance. everything i just easier.

You know you are not alone. Use that knowledge & thank heavens for this forum. On this sticky subject we need a good means to discuss these situations that is well moderated & actively marshalled.

Kindest
Mr B

[surplusyew]

I can only echo what others have said above about trying to keep your cool and just waiting it out,

Its not easy I know, I'm currently on bail awaiting charge or nfa, My first bail date is approaching and I'm starting to worry more again but its so important to stay calm as others have said if you lose control or do anything out of anger then your only going to have it used against you,

Although I'm a bit older than your son one of the FA's against me was from when I was around 11-14 and another when I was 19 and another more recently, however they are from my sister and her friend and partner, They are quite literally borderline a joke and I can only hope that the CPS see the allegations for what they are. Its very obviously they colluded this together and went to the police as a whole.

Like I said its hard and your life does feel torn apart and it feels like there is no end, Ultimately though your son is innocent like my self and you need to remember that, no matter what happens the accuser will have to live with what they have done.

Its also worth remembering lying in the first place is the easy part for the 'victim' its keeping up the lie that's difficult and their story may change over time or details may get obscured by them which can only help your case.

Good luck and all the best

[myheartisbroken]

My son just recently had his pre trial hearing it was a joke, complete disaster. The judge was angry it was in court and refused to listen to the charges being read out. He said if anywhere it should be at youth court and dismissed everyone. Since then, as my son is now 18 we have been told the judge can't send it to youth court. The judge asked for a review of the case. We now have to go back to crown court for another pre trial hearing. The emotional and physical stress that we have gone through is horrendous but to go through it all again is unbelievable. Has anyone else had any sort of experience like this, I'm at my wits end and my son doesn't know if he's coming or going.

[Franticwithworry]

Goodness me! It sounds to me as though the judge is not at all impressed and hopefully that will go in your son's favour, even though there has to be a second hearing.

I seem to remember someone else on here, I cant remember who, saying that the judge in his case was so annoyed with his case that he sent everyone away for 4 weeks and told the prosecution that they had to come up with 'more' if they wanted to proceed. I dont know what happened for him but it all might just mean that judges are getting fed up with flimsy cases being put before them.

I'm sorry that your son - and you - have the trauma of a second hearing though.

[Rights Fighter]

I could be wrong, but it seems that the CPS have deliberately waited until your lad is 18 in order to push the case through the adult court.

What does the solicitor say about this?