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  • #16
    What fabulous advice! Brought tears to my eyes, it did
    People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

    PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

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    • #17
      Mine too - thank you

      I am planning to tell her when my parents are here as I think that will hopefully help her process it.

      I just wish the FA (who is a mother herself) understands the true impact of her actions on an innocent child - sadly, I guess people don't think like that. Can't help but feel angry at the jurors too who believed her despite his defence lawyer showing what she said he had done was physically impossible .

      RightsFighter - as I have had no communication from him yet, I don't know whether my child can visit. His alleged offence was not child related.

      Comment


      • #18
        That's a bit better although sometimes SS can be very picky / controlling, depending on who the SW is and their own experiences in life.

        Also this would be a "multi-agency" decision, I think, so probation would be involved too, in the decision to allow a child to visit. How old is s/he?
        People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

        PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

        Comment


        • #19
          8 years old.

          We have had SS involvement when first arrested - he had to move out, assessments, etc etc. After months of hell, he was determined as no risk to his child and he was allowed to move back so I hope that this means she can visit. I have a signed letter from SS confirming they have no further concerns, written when they knew he had been charged and was going to trial. Both she & her father have a human right to see each other.

          Comment


          • #20
            Prison inmates tend to have no "human rights" in reality, despite what Article 8 "Right to a Private / Family Life" states - if you research the ECHR / HRAs you will find that every Act has "exceptions".

            The argument you must use is that the child needs to see her father (not that she has a "right"). If you start throwing around the "Human Rights Act" you may come unstuck where SS and probation are concerned.

            It is what is best for the child. If the child's school work, for instance, goes downhill, whereas before he was convicted she was working well, that may assist. If her behaviour changes for the worse due to the fact she is not seeing her father, that may assist.

            This has nothing to do with "Rights" when it comes to the protection of children and vulnerable people.

            That is when "exceptions" come into play.
            People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

            PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Devastated16 View Post
              Mine too - thank you

              I am planning to tell her when my parents are here as I think that will hopefully help her process it.

              I just wish the FA (who is a mother herself) understands the true impact of her actions on an innocent child - sadly, I guess people don't think like that. Can't help but feel angry at the jurors too who believed her despite his defence lawyer showing what she said he had done was physically impossible .

              RightsFighter - as I have had no communication from him yet, I don't know whether my child can visit. His alleged offence was not child related.
              Having your parents support when you tell her is a very good idea. Children being children though, don't be surprised if, initially, she seems to just shrug her shoulders and say 'OK'. Of course you know your daughter best, but I found that my lot could surprise me in their reactions to things and it might take her a while to process it. That said, children can be more resilient that we adults give them credit for and she will likely take some of her cues from you.

              I guess if false accusers were aware of their actions there would be far fewer, even no false accusations. Somehow, though it's my man who has been accused, there are some who say that the whole situation is my fault!

              What to tell friends and neighbours is difficult and I think it really depends how well you know people and who can be trusted. Hopefully there will be some you can trust with the truth, and who will support you. Others need be told nothing as its none of their business but only you can be the judge. It's different given that no-one knows about the accusation up to now so it will be a shock to whoever you tell, but don't struggle on alone telling no-one. This is one area where your parents can help you a lot.

              You haven't mentioned his parents. Are they in the picture at all?

              It's also good that SS have already said that your daughter is not at risk. Hopefully that will go a long way in having her visit, though how she can be at risk anyway in a communal visiting room is a puzzle, so fingers crossed for you there.

              Fingers crossed to for getting grounds for an appeal. It boggles my mind sometimes when I hear what juries have accepted and believed. I hope you have a reasonable day today. It's one day closer to news from your husband and seeing him again.



              Edited to add - some years ago I volunteered for the Probation Service. In that capacity I knew that there were people in prison for sexual offences whose own children were allowed to visit, so all is not lost. I know things have probably changed in the interim, but I would be very surprised if that has changed, so this is a bridge you may not have to cross. Try not to fret about it until you do. You have enough on your plate right this minute.
              Last edited by Franticwithworry; 24 July 2016, 10:59 AM. Reason: To add information.
              'Mongolian Warriors had the courage of lions, the patience of hounds, the prudence of cranes, the long-sightedness of ravens, the wildness of wolves, the passion of fightingcocks, the keenness of cats, the fury of wild boars and the cunning of foxes.' BE A MONGOLIAN WARRIOR WHEN DEFENDING YOUR INNOCENCE!

              Comment


              • #22
                When convicted on CSA, often the inmate's own children are allowed to visit, but this usually has to go through SS, probation and the prison Governor.

                I have heard of people convicted on sexual offences concerning adults, still have problems with SS etc. it really is down to the SW, probation officer and the prison Governor.

                One guy who was maintaining his innocence was told by his probation officer that she would make it her business to not allow him to see his son until the son was 18. He was referred to a good family law solicitor and 6 months down the line his son was visiting him in prison, and since release now lives at home.

                I think the son is now over 16 years of age but the point is, just because you come across a big hurdle, don't give up. You need to remember that it is very important how you put your case. Citing "Human rights" is unlikely to work, especially when citing the "Human Rights" of the inmate.
                People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Rights Fighter View Post
                  Prison inmates tend to have no "human rights" in reality, despite what Article 8 "Right to a Private / Family Life" states - if you research the ECHR / HRAs you will find that every Act has "exceptions".

                  The argument you must use is that the child needs to see her father (not that she has a "right"). If you start throwing around the "Human Rights Act" you may come unstuck where SS and probation are concerned.

                  It is what is best for the child. If the child's school work, for instance, goes downhill, whereas before he was convicted she was working well, that may assist. If her behaviour changes for the worse due to the fact she is not seeing her father, that may assist.

                  This has nothing to do with "Rights" when it comes to the protection of children and vulnerable people.

                  That is when "exceptions" come into play.

                  She already has an IEP in place as she missed so much schooling due to her illness & side effects of treatment, Included in that is fortnightly counselling at school to help her deal with what she had to go through and alleviate PTSD (& she's only 8 :-( ) so yes, I think plenty of reason to support that she needs to continue to see her father.

                  Thank you for that advice - I will follow that route.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Franticwithworry View Post
                    Having your parents support when you tell her is a very good idea. Children being children though, don't be surprised if, initially, she seems to just shrug her shoulders and say 'OK'. Of course you know your daughter best, but I found that my lot could surprise me in their reactions to things and it might take her a while to process it. That said, children can be more resilient that we adults give them credit for and she will likely take some of her cues from you.

                    I guess if false accusers were aware of their actions there would be far fewer, even no false accusations. Somehow, though it's my man who has been accused, there are some who say that the whole situation is my fault!

                    What to tell friends and neighbours is difficult and I think it really depends how well you know people and who can be trusted. Hopefully there will be some you can trust with the truth, and who will support you. Others need be told nothing as its none of their business but only you can be the judge. It's different given that no-one knows about the accusation up to now so it will be a shock to whoever you tell, but don't struggle on alone telling no-one. This is one area where your parents can help you a lot.

                    You haven't mentioned his parents. Are they in the picture at all?

                    It's also good that SS have already said that your daughter is not at risk. Hopefully that will go a long way in having her visit, though how she can be at risk anyway in a communal visiting room is a puzzle, so fingers crossed for you there.

                    Fingers crossed to for getting grounds for an appeal. It boggles my mind sometimes when I hear what juries have accepted and believed. I hope you have a reasonable day today. It's one day closer to news from your husband and seeing him again.



                    Edited to add - some years ago I volunteered for the Probation Service. In that capacity I knew that there were people in prison for sexual offences whose own children were allowed to visit, so all is not lost. I know things have probably changed in the interim, but I would be very surprised if that has changed, so this is a bridge you may not have to cross. Try not to fret about it until you do. You have enough on your plate right this minute.
                    Thank you for this. His parents are both deceased (mother in February this year) & his only sibling lives overseas. The sad thing is that his mother knew the FA well but because she was suffering from dementia, could not help his case or evidence at all.

                    We've been out to the park for most of the day today - tough but my daughter enjoyed it which is what matters. As you say, another day almost done.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Devastated16 View Post
                      She already has an IEP in place as she missed so much schooling due to her illness & side effects of treatment, Included in that is fortnightly counselling at school to help her deal with what she had to go through and alleviate PTSD (& she's only 8 :-( ) so yes, I think plenty of reason to support that she needs to continue to see her father.

                      Thank you for that advice - I will follow that route.

                      Is the separation from dad making her condition / illness worse? if so that might help. You might find that you will need a letter from her consultant / GP to support that.

                      On the other hand, there might be no problems at all getting her into the prison. But it's always better to be prepared, just in case....
                      People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                      PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with such a recent bereavement as well. Sometimes, life seems to throw everything at us at once. I hope that when your parents arrive tomorrow though, you feel more supported and that the load lightens a little for the sharing.

                        With best wishes - and hugs
                        'Mongolian Warriors had the courage of lions, the patience of hounds, the prudence of cranes, the long-sightedness of ravens, the wildness of wolves, the passion of fightingcocks, the keenness of cats, the fury of wild boars and the cunning of foxes.' BE A MONGOLIAN WARRIOR WHEN DEFENDING YOUR INNOCENCE!

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Franticwithworry View Post
                          I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with such a recent bereavement as well. Sometimes, life seems to throw everything at us at once. I hope that when your parents arrive tomorrow though, you feel more supported and that the load lightens a little for the sharing.

                          With best wishes - and hugs

                          Thank you again - as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but boy have I been tested over the last few years ......

                          You are very kind - your support means a lot

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Well I have had now had a call from him - both of us very upset but at least we have heard each others' voice - an email reply and visit arranged for Wednesday. He is on close watch as they are concerned about him as I am. They have advised him that he is to be transferred closer to home but no idea where or how long it will take.

                            Tonight I have received a parcel couriered which was his bag and stuff sent back to me which I found really upsetting. I was a bit surprised that he has not been able to keep any toiletries, photos (me, his daughter, mother), stamps, pens, glasses prescription, sunglasses. None of his legal papers or trial correspondence was in there.

                            I have emailed his solicitor and asked for the Advice of Appeal letter to be sent to me.

                            Another day done - my parents are here with me now - and thankfully still no press coverage. Wednesday will be tough (even without the 11 hour round trip) but at least I will see him.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              It sounds as though it's been quite a day; very emotional too. Hopefully your parents can stay a while. I'm glad for you that you got to talk to your husband, however upsetting, and now the working week has started I hope that you feel a little less in limbo, with the prospect of some concrete things happening.

                              Sending more hugs and best wishes to you, your daughter, and your parents.

                              'Mongolian Warriors had the courage of lions, the patience of hounds, the prudence of cranes, the long-sightedness of ravens, the wildness of wolves, the passion of fightingcocks, the keenness of cats, the fury of wild boars and the cunning of foxes.' BE A MONGOLIAN WARRIOR WHEN DEFENDING YOUR INNOCENCE!

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Tonight I have received a parcel couriered which was his bag and stuff sent back to me which I found really upsetting. I was a bit surprised that he has not been able to keep any toiletries, photos (me, his daughter, mother), stamps, pens, glasses prescription, sunglasses. None of his legal papers or trial correspondence was in there.
                                I am rather surprised they have returned so much of his property. However, some prisons do not allow postage stamps, only saes - maybe the list regarding the "nasty bag" should include this. Having said that, when I asked you whether he had taken the "nasty bag" with him you said this:

                                No he didn't take a nasty bag - so convinced were us/ his defence team that justice would prevail and the only verdict could be NG.
                                If this was something you took or sent in in later, there should have been a list of what you can send in and what you cannot. Toiletries have to be brand new and sealed. it is not unusual for photos not to be allowed until they have "got to know" the inmate and also got to know about the nature of the conviction.
                                People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                                PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

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