Accussed of sexual assault by digital penetration.

[Scaredlad]

Hi guys I've been reading this forum for the last 24 hours pretty much non-stop since being released from custody. I apologise in advance for the ranting but I'm terrified.

I started a new job the other week and ended up building (what I thought was) a connection with a girl that started at the same day. Following several days of back and forth flirting via messages on paper and in person she asked if I could drop her off home to talk to me. I agreed as dropped three of them off normally starting with her, but she asked when all in car to drop her off last.

Once everyone was dropped off we went to a coffee shop and stayed there till 01:30 the following morning. Here we kissed several times and I felt abit awkward with the public displays of affection so suggested we went back to the car to snog properly. Here we both started kissing and hugging and both got abit handsey outside of the cloths. She then started rubbing my chest to which I said that was unfair as I couldn't rub hers where she asked me to.

As the area was 24hour shops there were several police and so I suggested we went somewhere quieter. I didn't know the area but she lived local so asked her if she knew anywhere. She then directed to another car park where we kissed more and then I went to undo her trousers. I was unable to do the last button as it was on the inside so she undid them. From here I rubbed her clitoris area and she was moving her hips in motion too and exclaiming she was going to "cum for [me]". She then asked me to finger her so I did and we stopped when she said she had "cum twice and getting sensitive". During this she was playing with my penis whilst I still had boxers on (fly open).

We stayed there a while talking and working out that we both liked each other and didn't just want a casual thing. I then dropped her off at her house and know we said good night but we were both really tired so cant remember if I kissed her. When in work we were fine as sat next to each other but at the last break she talked to someone, came back in late and then when manager asked why this other lad said she would explain.

She was then moved to other side and when I nodded and mouthed "you ok" I got a nod and smile back. I later got pulled into the office and suspended pending investigation. When got home (via a friend as was shaking so upset) saw missed two calls and messages via facebook from her asking for a chance to explain and that she did like me. Then got another later saying it was someone **** stirring but couldn't message back as been asked not to by work.

Work rang Thursday and said they weren't pursuing and everything has two sides but as it had been brought into work and both on probation we were both being let go. Then tried messaging her to see if she was OK several times to no answer.

Went for a drive Friday night and was picked up via ANPR as car flagged it was wanted for sexual assault/rape. Police arrested me (old school friend as well to add to embarrassment) and seized my car. As arrested in another force area was transferred back so spent nearly 20 hours in a cell before being interviewed.

Got so many questions so if you have read this far thank you so so much. Firstly it's in the North West area so should I get legal advice and if so who (duty solicitor was OK but doubt specialist)? Secondly I have no money, no job, no car and no phone is there any support out there financially to get transportation etc and basically keep my way of life slightly normal as I love driving and is a coping mechanism for my depression (it's why I was driving old haunts at 1am when got arrested)? Also anyone got cases closed relatively quick as on bail till June and seen people on bail for years!!!

[Lilyput]

She sounds like an absolute headcase so sorry you find yourself here. I really hope you kept those weird facebook messages. Some people have got it NFA'd before it gets to the CPS, the shortest time i've heard of since I've been on these forums has been five weeks but I've heard others mention two weeks. Others have been on bail over a year, it's so difficult to know. I don't even think the police know and they are the ones running the show.

In the mean time try as hard as it is focus on keeping yourself well. If it did happen to go to court you'd need to be in best frame of mind possible. It doesn't sound like the police have much to go on keeping everything crossed for you!

[wakingnightmare]

Hello
Sorry you find yourself here.

Do you have contacts for the other people in the car who witnessed her asking to be dropped off last. They can help confirm she was the one who initiated the change of order rather than you. What happened later will come down to you and her but it helps paint a picture.

Messages after the event are very important. Can you access them still, if so screenshot and give to someone you trust.

Sadly very little you can do right now apart from write down as much as you can remember.

There is nothing a solicitor can do either so I'm afraid you need to hang in there while the police 'investigate'.

Who took it to the Police?

[Scaredlad]

Thanks for words of support means a lot right now. She made the complaint and they have interviewed the manager it was disclosed to apparently. As for names of others gave them to the police.

Rang the DC in charge of the case to chase car release up as it was seized. Said should get it back this week as not doing forensics as admitted we were in car. She also thanked one of the lads in car the next morning for setting us up together.

As for the messages I handed my phone to the police so they could access them. Also highlighted that there were some of the hand written messages between ourselves in the car which I doubt theyll have gathered as still in other police force where arrested so will keep that and take it on bail day. Think will also photo car to show couldn't lock her in as release for door is on the passenger side of the console.

Just bit scared as people favour FA usually, myself included before this really to be honest. Just glad mates have stuck by me, including an actual victim who I was terrified of telling.

[AmandaF]

can you log into facebook from somewhere and make sure the messages are saved??
Whatever you do, don't contact her or you may be seen to be harrassing a witness, but if you can get to the messages somewhere to make sure they aren't deleted. Not saying cops are dishonest or anything.................

[hello88]

can you log into facebook from somewhere and make sure the messages are saved??
Whatever you do, don't contact her or you may be seen to be harrassing a witness, but if you can get to the messages somewhere to make sure they aren't deleted. Not saying cops are dishonest or anything.................

log on to facebook asap and screenshot (press print screen the paste onto word/publisher doc) print of a copy, save a copy on memory stick and give to a trusworthy friend/relative and print of an extra copy just in case... i think there was someone on here who said the police looked into their facebook and deleted the last 3 months or something...

[Scaredlad]

Taken screen shots already when was preparing for work investigation so got copies on laptop, phone and kindle but will send copy to few mates in "respectable positions" to hold onto. Just so glad mates have stood by me. Know jumping gun but really scared, how much weight do character witnesses hold as mates are dentist, doctor, military and an actual victim.

[Scaredlad]

Taken screen shots already when was preparing for work investigation so got copies on laptop, phone and kindle but will send copy to few mates in "respectable positions" to hold onto. Just so glad mates have stood by me. Know jumping gun but really scared, how much weight do character witnesses hold as mates are dentist, doctor, military and an actual victim.

[Lucky]

Although you solicitor may not be able to help push the investigation along, they can start to gather vital evidence for you if this goes wrong.

tell them about the facebook things, and they could start a little evidence gathering for you.

good luck

[Rights Fighter]

Solicitors don't gather evidence. That is the def's job in order to properly defend himself.

[Scaredlad]

Anyone got any tips for evidence gathering. Part of her claim was that I locked her in the car but checked now I've got it back and even if locked the doors automatically open from the inside. I also have one of the notes FA wrote in work that shows she lead the flirting. Should I email the DC in charge of case with the photos/video of the note and me showing car opens from inside and the release is on the passenger side of central dash any way.
Also when should I get a solicitor as seen post charge and ASAP on here. Plus got no money and lost job over this already.

[Rights Fighter]

It might help you if you read other people's posts on here, as you'll find most of your questions are answered there. Plus you will get more support if you support others.

You will see, for instance, that the general advice here is to never give the police evidence that can help the defence case because they would go back to the accuser, who will then change her story using the excuse that she made the "mistake" because she is so traumatised.....

The police will already know that most cars are unlockable from the inside. Just not from the outside.

There is no LA between the interview with the police and charge, unless called back in for another interview. If you instruct a solicitor in between, then they will expect to be paid, unless they say they will assist at no cost. Not many will do that. Not because they are stingy or money grabbing but because they are overrun with work that pays anyway.

Hold on in there. Have a good look around this part of the forums and see what others are going through and have gone through. As I said, you might get questions answered there.

[Malkie]

Blimey - what a depressing story.

As others have suggested, compile a timeline (much like your original post) and back it up with screenshots, copies of the handwritten notes, etc. Get statements from the other passengers in your car. In short - make a dossier, and give NOTHING to the police.

Good luck - it seems illogical that a prosecution should come about, but look at all the other depressing stories on this forum.

[Scaredlad]

Been asked by police not to talk to others at old job, not on bail but scared it'll look dodgy. As for notes got one and also got the shirt and underwear I think I was wearing that night. FA was touching my chest so that's only way DNA could be found on shirt inside surely? Saying that claims she scratched and hit to get me off her, although never checked for marks so she'd say that's how DNA on shirt. Seems strange no check for marks on me though despite speaking to Dr before interview as suffer with depression. Also changed into gown and was checked for self harm, could the detention officers be used as witnesses that there were no scratches or bruises as surely any signs of harm like scratch should have been recorded on paperwork somewhere right?
Main worry tbf is want to be a Dr and the CRB/DBS is going to be a pain even when its NFA/NG. Thanks for all support though guys, want to help you all but dunno what to say really. Will stay active on here for future though so any advice I gain can pass on to the next people as unfortunately this is turning into an epidemic by the looks of it.
Do the FA not realise what they do? I'm even scared to sit on train platform or pass girl in street incase something gets miscontruded. Hit rock bottom, took me all my strength yesterday to hug a really close friend and even best mate of 20+ years I won't meet her in private. Won't even let best mate have a lift in my car any more as scared to be on my own with a girl just incase.

[Franticwithworry]

Been asked by police not to talk to others at old job, not on bail but scared it'll look dodgy. As for notes got one and also got the shirt and underwear I think I was wearing that night. FA was touching my chest so that's only way DNA could be found on shirt inside surely? Saying that claims she scratched and hit to get me off her, although never checked for marks so she'd say that's how DNA on shirt. Seems strange no check for marks on me though despite speaking to Dr before interview as suffer with depression. Also changed into gown and was checked for self harm, could the detention officers be used as witnesses that there were no scratches or bruises as surely any signs of harm like scratch should have been recorded on paperwork somewhere right?
Main worry tbf is want to be a Dr and the CRB/DBS is going to be a pain even when its NFA/NG. Thanks for all support though guys, want to help you all but dunno what to say really. Will stay active on here for future though so any advice I gain can pass on to the next people as unfortunately this is turning into an epidemic by the looks of it.
Do the FA not realise what they do? I'm even scared to sit on train platform or pass girl in street incase something gets miscontruded. Hit rock bottom, took me all my strength yesterday to hug a really close friend and even best mate of 20+ years I won't meet her in private. Won't even let best mate have a lift in my car any more as scared to be on my own with a girl just incase.

It sounds as though you are still in shock, but it's understandable. Being frightened to hug anyone seems quite normal in these circumstances. To start with, my man couldn't cope with us hugging, and it threw me for a loop too. It was heartbreaking, but it did get better, and it will for you too. FA's will never understand the extent to which their accusations change lives though. It seeps into every aspect of life, even the smallest things. We cannot wait to move house because the sound of someone ringing the doorbell can send us into panic and having the house searched was like being burgled.

I'm not sure the fear ever goes away, but it will get more manageable. It has to.