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  • Hidden costs

    Hi there,

    This is going to be a bit of a rant. Before I begin I understand that there are people with in far worse cercumstances than myself, but I need to put this out there. So let me begin.

    It's approaching 10 months since my arrest. What I believed was a simple misunderstanding that could easily have been solved with police mediation has become the worst ordeal of my life.

    The shock of arrest and my treatment at the hands of the police was just the beginning. First I had to enlist the help of my dad and a friend to empty my room in halls of everything i owned and brought them home. My parents live within driving distance of campus so i was still able to attend uni.

    My summer exams were made even harder due to the stress and trauma. I passed my exams with reasonable grades but my overall grade has been adversly affected.

    The constant worry became close to paranoia. My sleeping pattern was in tatters, some nights i hardly slept while others i overslept. My diet and weight fluctuated enormously, I am now seriously underweight and experiencing health problems as a result.


    Upon returning to uni my anxious outburst caused a rift between me and my closest friends. Once they found out what was wrong they we're hugely sympathetic and supportive but things had changed forever.

    Matters reached crisis for me when someone i had feelings for found another person since i was unwilling to date her due to my current situation. It seemed massively unfair to ask her to go through what I am.

    So with a broken heart I've had to move on to pastures new. Trying to build a new social circle and get over the social anxiety that this ordeal has left me with. Above all I must continue to hope that someone will see sence and give this matter the NFA it deserves allowing me to continue with my life.

    Thanks for reading.

  • #2
    I am so glad you have the support of your friends. My sons friends stuck by him and it does help.

    Good on you for ranting away here, there are so many coping strategies that are less helpful. I can relate to the paranoia ( and I wasn't even the accused). It feels like you're being wrongly judged and your faith in other people is shattered.

    Hang on in there, it feels like the world is ending, but the truth will out.

    Being out the other side I think more people are becoming aware that some people who cry rape are liars. Police practices are being called in to question more and more. It seems now that anyone is open to accusation, so the people who decide someone is guilty before a conviction really are being naive.

    I wish you all the best, you show great courage posting here.

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    • #3
      Post charge rant

      Hi again,

      Time for another rant. Charged, no longer a matter of a police investigation but a public trial. I have to fight for my life, in a manner of speaking. But what life am I fighting for?

      Even though I'm innocent and the trial will prove that. I've lost the things I value most. A young woman I loved, I had to let her go when this began. I see her with another guy and hurt inside because it should've been me. The jealousy, sadness and feelings of loss are becoming more than I can handle.

      I have to fight for a valuble future. I fought to get into uni and the possibility of making history with NASA one day. I battled mental illness and won to get where I am, now one persons embarrasment may undo all that.

      I'm going to need all my strength to fight this. I'm not sure how much more strain I can take. A year has gone by and its crushing my will to carry on. If it was just the court case I could fight it but the costs in interpersonal relationships that hurts the worst.

      Sorry for the rant

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      • #4
        I know how you feel, the cost goes way beyond worry about prison. Since my FA I've lost the friendship of my ex who I love more than anything. It sent me into a spiral where I couldn't do anything now lost house share as landlord though was just being lazy, been in work for few weeks but can't stand to be around people half the time so taken time off. Can't sleep for worry and all family are terrified as tried to take several paracetamol the other night.

        At least now you have a focus to work towards clearing your name. Worst part for me so far is I have nothing to fight, I can tell OIC my account but unless charged no prosecution to disprove. Its hell. If you need anything message me though on here as helping someonelse may also help give me focus.

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        • #5
          Aw hun I am sure the right person and group of friends is out there for you. The situation sucks. I hope you get an NFA soon and this battle is over for you. You only sound young I hope you have lot's of family support around you. You'll need it to get through this mess.

          I think there is always a hidden cost I think even people who have been NFA'd fairly quickly will never really ever be the same again. Always be looking over their shoulder it changes your world view.

          My relationship with my OH's family is permanently damaged because of a fight a couple months after FA which was FA related. I came to this stupid town to be near 'family' now whenever anything family related is happening I'm sat on my own cos I'm banned from it. OH won't move because he won't be driven out by FA's lies... so this is my life even in the best outcome. Phoney friends that only reappeared once the gossip died down and the only real family i have miles away GRRR!
          Who you become while you are waiting is as important as what you are waiting for -Nicky Gumble

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          • #6
            SORRY SORRY SORRY didn't see the charged bit thought we were all just ranting. I am really sorry. Big big hugs! Do you have a good solicitor?
            Who you become while you are waiting is as important as what you are waiting for -Nicky Gumble

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            • #7
              Don't worry about it

              Feel free to rant away, it always helps to get things off ones chest.

              Right now I'm trying to get my uni exams put back to next year. It's not as easy as you would think but I can't face a trial and get any kind of decent grade at the same time. Sometimes I can't help thinking if it's going to be worth going through with uni any more. The knowledge of being innocent isn't the source of strength it was. Even when this mess is over and I'm found not guilty it'll be years before any kind of normality returns.

              Everything is a constant wait. Wait for the magistrates, then crown, then however many months before the trial even starts. All this because one person was embarrassed. Doubtless she's soaking up all the attention of being "the victim". I can't help but think about actual victims of rape and their attackers being on the street endangering other people because the system is jammed full of these stupid cases.

              How many more of us will have to face this hell? How many more people will have their lives ruined before someone says "dammit stop." Alison Saunders of the CPS has decided that we must "prove consent", just how are we supposed to do that exactly? Consent forms? Surveillance cameras in every room we go in? USB hard drive directly to the brain? Does this feel like 1984 to you guys as well?

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