Raped many years ago now

[Rights Fighter]

In an ideal world we would all unite for change.

If only.

STMO that was really brave of you to post your experiences from our side. Unfortunately computer viruses and trojans can download that muck without anybody knowing. Also a seemingly innocent looking link could be clicked that could take the viewer to somewhere particularly nasty. This is why I won't click on anything unless I know what it is first.

If anything happened to me again (CSA won't of course because I am now an old lady!) then I would report it regardless of liars, and I would insist on a lie detector even though they are not admissible. I would have no problem taking one at all.

I'd insist on a medical and absolutely everything that would prove guilt of any assailant.

[hello88]

@strugglingtomoveon - the person who got the person to make the FA against my OH has young children (and the FA mums also) and when i see one of these kids out playing a few times i have gone into the house and just cried, we had a fall out and between the police we agreed to not get the kids involved but they have made it clear that they want out kids taken of us and put into care, that is their aim!!!! When my daughters been crying for daddy they have been looking down smiling. I'm not revengeful (well i'm not going to completly lie, i have spent many a time coming up with a plan then spent 2/3 hours praying and persuading myself not to do it and always been grateful that so far i have fought the urge) however if there are arrested for what they've done i have to remember that THEY commited a crime.


If they are spending their time plotting revengeful plans, working out how to ruin a family (amongst the drug taking and dealing) then they are not focusing on their children and providing them with the loving family environment they need. The same for those who whilst raping arn't thinking about their family, - at the end of the day you wont be going out there to ruin their family or purposely take their kids away, you are making authorities aware of what he did and provide the needed protection to his children. Go with what you feel like doing but i think as many has said counselling is a good place to start

@bene - have you ever read the book What's So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey - been having it in the my church's bible study and it really has hit a spot or two, the story of debbie morris is what his a point with me, so much so that during that very evening I cried for hours as i prayed for those who had done this to me.... I have forgiven the accuser and family but not yet managed to forgive the person who got the person to make the accusation, but i'm almost there.. debbie morris's story is here http://www.thealabamabaptist.org/pri...php?id_art=686

The bit that hit me the most:

"Debbie also realized that “no punishment — not even the ultimate punishment (Willie’s execution), the ultimate justice — could ever heal all the wounds. "

For me I don't wan't revenge, all i want is for them to at least be arrested so that people know that we are the victims of a crime, and that my husband is not a criminal.... basically i just want the truth to come out.

H xxxx

[Strugglingtomoveon]

You are a much more forgiving person than i am. I have come to the realisation that nothing will ever undo what happened to me, but if i was convinced that reporting him would have a successful outcome, i would. I think he deserves some kind of punishment after the years of suffering he's put me through, not to mention taking my virginity. But i know the case would never reach court and i worry that people will assume i was lying without a guilty verdict. That's always been what's stopped me, and now even more so.

I'm sorry you seem to be being persecuted by your neighbour, it seems so cruel (and frankly ridiculous) that someone would go to such lengths to destroy a family. I hope you get the outcome you deserve!

[Shah]

STMO

How do you know the police wont do anything about it? why not go and speak to someone about wether or not to pursue it.
Being a real victim you know doubt remember everything about the horrible experience and my bet is that that man has been
probably waiting all these years for that knock on the door !
What have you got to lose?

People will go to any lengths to destroy people and families no matter how ridiculous it is and innocent people do get sent to prison
mostly out of revenge or monatary gain.

But dont let that stop you from doing whats best for you, like I said you can remember it and I do not disbelieve you on that so
please dont take offence at what I have written, you have to do whats right for you no one else.
Take a first step and it might get easier and maybe you will get some closure of some sort dont let it ruin the rest of your life...

[Strugglingtomoveon]

STMO

How do you know the police wont do anything about it? why not go and speak to someone about wether or not to pursue it.
Being a real victim you know doubt remember everything about the horrible experience and my bet is that that man has been
probably waiting all these years for that knock on the door !
What have you got to lose?

People will go to any lengths to destroy people and families no matter how ridiculous it is and innocent people do get sent to prison
mostly out of revenge or monatary gain.

But dont let that stop you from doing whats best for you, like I said you can remember it and I do not disbelieve you on that so
please dont take offence at what I have written, you have to do whats right for you no one else.
Take a first step and it might get easier and maybe you will get some closure of some sort dont let it ruin the rest of your life...

I guess it wouldn't hurt to speak to someone about it to find out if there is a chance. I just assume nothing would happen because i don't have any evidence except my story. It was 17 years ago, so no cctv, no witnesses who would remember anything now, no dna or evidence of the injuries he caused me. Nothing. Just my word against his.

Does anyone know if i am allowed to ask the police for advice about it? Or would speaking to the police automatically start the official process?

[hello88]

You are a much more forgiving person than i am. I have come to the realisation that nothing will ever undo what happened to me, but if i was convinced that reporting him would have a successful outcome, i would. I think he deserves some kind of punishment after the years of suffering he's put me through, not to mention taking my virginity. But i know the case would never reach court and i worry that people will assume i was lying without a guilty verdict. That's always been what's stopped me, and now even more so.

I'm sorry you seem to be being persecuted by your neighbour, it seems so cruel (and frankly ridiculous) that someone would go to such lengths to destroy a family. I hope you get the outcome you deserve!

i think what i was trying to say is that too many people rely on the 'justice system' in making it all 'better'. this womans attacker was executed for his crimes but it didn't make it all better. It may be a good step to help you move on a bit from it, or it may not, i guess it really depends on the individual, but i guess i'm just trying to do as much as i can to please God to help bring my husband back home lol!!! I think one of the reasons i've forgiven is because carrying hate and anger around all the time isn't nice. It physically wore me down, and with 3 young kids i was already worn down a bit lol, i made a promise of no revenge for ME not them because even though the first few weeks were tough all i actually now feel for them is sympathy, the desperateness they must have to make such a lie. I even felt like going over to her and giving her advice on how to get herself out of the situation but obviously that wouldn't be a good idea (and don't think OH would be too impressed, he's still got a lot of work on the forgiveness side of things) but i think still receiving hassle form the person who got the person to make the accusation is makin it hard to forgive, and there bitterness and nastyness. But i will get there - Sorry, hijacked the thread lol, but hope it make sense and hope it helps you to come to a decision h xxxx

[AmandaF]

I think some people mistake "justice" for "vengeance". We all want to see justice done but as the article about Debbie Morris points out, she did not feel absolved even though one of her attackers received the death penalty.
That's ok if an individual has also taken steps to heal.

As for those who commit these terrible crimes having families, I believe they sacrifice that right once they commit any form of violence against another individual. Our FA's lied about us to cover for the fact that their father was abusing young girls in their presence. One of the kids then bullied a younger girl into taking her clothes off in the local park. Should these kids really remain with parents like that? They are the next generation of abusers an liars. Where does it end?

[Lilyput]

Do you think you could use these thing to clear your husbands name Amanda?

STMO I'm sure you can equire and the police won't push you to make a complaint if you dont want to. My friends sister was abused by her sisters bf and put a complaint on file in case another girl came forward. Was years ago so idk if it's still possible. Also the reason FA arent usually prosacuted i dont think the police are allowed to say whether they believe you or not. They look at both statements and CPS determine whether there is enough to charge. I'm sure you'll be treated with sensitivity.

We'll all be here for you whatever you decide.

[Lilyput]

Their other sisters boyfriend my friends boyfriend is lovely.

[Rights Fighter]

Do you think you could use these thing to clear your husbands name Amanda?

STMO I'm sure you can equire and the police won't push you to make a complaint if you dont want to. My friends sister was abused by her sisters bf and put a complaint on file in case another girl came forward. Was years ago so idk if it's still possible. Also the reason FA arent usually prosacuted i dont think the police are allowed to say whether they believe you or not. They look at both statements and CPS determine whether there is enough to charge. I'm sure you'll be treated with sensitivity.

We'll all be here for you whatever you decide.

They aren't supposed to but then make it abundantly clear sometimes, in the complainant's ABE interviews

[AmandaF]

Oh bloomin' heck!! I had to listen to taped interviews plus I read their statements- most of it was the CPO saying "Oh you're so brave to tell us this" followed by prolonged silences. What a joke!! Congratulating liars

[Rights Fighter]

We seem to have gone off topic, and I'm partly to blame for that

off topic.gif

OOPS!