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Raped and reported my rape. Need emotional support. Please help!!

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  • Raped and reported my rape. Need emotional support. Please help!!

    Hello.

    I'm new on here. On the 9th December 2013 round 10.30 to midnight I was reaptedly raped by a man whom I loved and trusted with my life. He wasn't exactly my boyfriend but the closest thing I've had to one.
    We had known each since we was 12. We meet in secondary school I loved him since than. Anyway we never dated in school, as we was both quite young and immature. Than an incident happened so we never spoke again please bear with me. With all the back ground information.
    We never spoke for 6 years after that incident properly. It wasn't till January of 2013 when I messaged him via Facebook, just saying hey. We got back into contact. Exchanged numbers. We quickly began a sexual relationship. I loved him very much. But things went very wrong quickly. It became abousive.

    On the night in question. I invited him to come over to my house as my mother was working night shift,
    Anyway at the beginning it was consensual than he wanted to do Anal. I refused at fist then I said okay please be gentile. As soon as he penetrated me it hurt so much. I couldn't bear the pain anymore. I asked him to stop, he didn't stop. I assumed as my head was pressed against the sofa. That he couldn't hear me. So I said it again a little louder. I said please stop your hurting me. Than he told me to shush and put a cushion over my face. On the back of my head. And he continued. For round 5 minutes. Then he finally stopped.

    I was in so much pain and couldn't move. It hurt so much.
    He got off me and was standing in front of me,
    And he began pulling my arms to get to the floor. I was trying to push his hands off. I was telling him ) please stop no I don't want too. I'm in pain please I'm serious I was begging him to stop, but he said no come here and pulled me to the floor. And pushed his penis in my mouth. While he was slapping me across the face.
    After he did that. He throw me back to the sofa got hold of my legs spread them apart. And penetrated me in my vagina it hurt. So much.
    To cut the story short he raped me again anally and vaginally.
    Till he came in my mouth and forced me to swallow)

    After the rape couple of days after I told my uni counsellor who than phoned the havens and I was taken there to be medically examined. I didn't decide to report what happened than. As I didn't want to accept what happened.
    When I finally confronted my attacker ) he denied it . And called me crazy and implied that I made it up. And i believed him and nearly almost went insane.

    I just recently reported the rape this June.
    I've done my video interview. But I've still not heard anything from my soit officer.
    I believe they are looking for him to question him.
    I've done a lot of research and I know historic rape allegations are the hardest to prosecute. Although I pray that his charged but I hardly doubt he will be charged.

    I honestly don't know what to do is his not.
    I've tried to put this behind me and move on but it's hard. I'm constantly reminded of the hell he put me through that night. His moved on and has a new girlfriend ) while I barely sleep. Eat or think, my life has stopped still.
    I'm so anxious waiting to hear whether he was been questioned)
    I just need support and perhaps some advice.

    Thank you and sorry for the long message.

  • #2
    My life has been turned completely upside down. I don't sleep )
    Some days I can barely get out of bed.
    I just want closure and him to be held accountable for what he did. Everyone thinks I'm crazy.
    I hate waiting! I don't know what's going on with my case. It's been 2 weeks since my video interview. And I've herd nothing. Hey has not been questioned yet. As the officer would have called me.
    I'm so emotionally drained.

    Than my grandma died last week. I'm a mess.

    Comment


    • #3
      hi

      Originally posted by Bene View Post
      My life has been turned completely upside down. I don't sleep )
      Some days I can barely get out of bed.
      I just want closure and him to be held accountable for what he did. Everyone thinks I'm crazy.
      I hate waiting! I don't know what's going on with my case. It's been 2 weeks since my video interview. And I've herd nothing. Hey has not been questioned yet. As the officer would have called me.
      I'm so emotionally drained.

      Than my grandma died last week. I'm a mess.
      I don't really know what to say to you, but it may be a while before they do interview him, I've heard it can take up to a month.

      Sorry this has happened to you, I'm hoping that you will be able to move on at least to an extent at some point. All I would say to you is that you are still young, I'm sure life will have plenty of good things lined up for you in the future, just take one day at a time and try to build new strengths, you'll find a way I'm sure.

      Good luck for the future, be strong!

      Comment


      • #4
        Hello
        Thank you so much for replying.

        I've got an update.
        My soit officer called me and said ( due to this being an in historic rape he was called to be interviewed,he was interviwed today. Annoyingly she couldn't tell me what he said. So I don't know his defence.
        Now the case has been passed to be furthered investigated.
        My heart sank when she told me that.
        He know knows that I reported the rape. I guess the nightmare truly begins now. Although for me it began the night he raped me.

        I pray that he is charged.

        Thank you for your support. Is very much appreciated!

        Comment


        • #5
          Given the seriousness of the allegations I think the guy will have been given conditions of bail, one of which will be to not to make contact with you or any of your potential witnesses or to go within a certain distance of where you live. If you are worried ask your SOIT officer.
          People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

          PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

          Comment


          • #6
            Hello


            Yes my soit officer informed me of that. My only issue is that she said she couldn't tell me what he said during his questioning. Is this a new procedural?
            Or does this only apply to certain cases?

            Thank you for replying.

            Comment


            • #7
              Only if he is charged would you find out what he said in interview - although I doubt you would actually see the transcripts.

              If there is something you have said - for instance if you gave a date and he had an alibi - then the police are likely to come back to you to check that.
              People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

              PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

              Comment


              • #8
                hi

                Originally posted by Bene View Post
                Hello
                Thank you so much for replying.

                I've got an update.
                My soit officer called me and said ( due to this being an in historic rape he was called to be interviewed,he was interviwed today. Annoyingly she couldn't tell me what he said. So I don't know his defence.
                Now the case has been passed to be furthered investigated.
                My heart sank when she told me that.
                He know knows that I reported the rape. I guess the nightmare truly begins now. Although for me it began the night he raped me.

                I pray that he is charged.

                Thank you for your support. Is very much appreciated!
                No problem, i hope evrything works out for the best for you and you can get on with and enjoy your life

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Bene View Post
                  Hello


                  Yes my soit officer informed me of that. My only issue is that she said she couldn't tell me what he said during his questioning. Is this a new procedural?
                  Or does this only apply to certain cases?

                  Thank you for replying.

                  They would question him using information you gave during your ABE videoed interview and possibly the general chat before it.

                  It's word against word unless there are physical injuries
                  People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                  PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rights Fighter View Post
                    They would question him using information you gave during your ABE videoed interview and possibly the general chat before it.

                    It's word against word unless there are physical injuries

                    Hello

                    Yes could you please tell me the likely hood of him being charged for this?
                    Using your expertise and experience?
                    I know it's more likely that he would not. As it was a historic rape in a domestic setting plus I initially gave consent to the penetration but very quickly withdraw it. His defence would most probably be he believed he had a reasonably believe that I was consenting even though I wasn't.
                    It's going to be very hard for the Cps to convince a jury.

                    But 3 days after the rape. I told a counsellor what happened and was taken to the havens to be medically examined. The doctor who examined and I later went to my GP complaining of pains between my legs. After the rape I was so depressed and was on anti depressants and I was later arrested for carrying a knife) stupid I know. During my police interview I told the officer that I was raped and this is why I'm depressed.
                    Could this all be enough evidence for the cps to charge him?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I've known cases like yours go to charge. However others like yours, do not. I can't say either way. I know that is not of much help to you, but it's really swings and roundabouts.

                      I've heard of cases where there are cuts and bruises present as well as injury to the vaginal area that were NFA'd. I was told about one local to me. I was gobsmacked as I've seen cases proceed to trial with absolutely nothing apart from what the complainant said happened.

                      Judges in cases like that will sum up the evidence along the lines of:

                      "Well ladies and gentlemen of the jury. You have heard the evidence. There is no more. In this case the only evidence that there is, is the the word of the complainant against that of the defendant. It is up to you to decide who is the more credible witness and who is telling the truth."

                      With that, a guilty person can walk free or an innocent person can be convicted.

                      If I was a victim of rape I would certainly be prepared to take a polygraph test. However those are not admissible in evidence at trial at the moment.
                      People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                      PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hello thank you for replying.


                        I know it's 50% 50 can go either way. I know that the fact I remained in contact with him doesn't do me any favours.

                        All I can do is pray and hope for the best outcome and prepare myself for the worst.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          That's all you can do hon. Hopefully you have support in family and friends. That can make all the difference
                          People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                          PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hello

                            To be honest I don't have much support. Most of the friends I told about what happened) were mutual friends of ours. And they don't believe me.
                            So I've been suffering with this alone.

                            Thank you for the support.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Have they said why they don't believe you? Maybe you need to have a good sit-down talk with them and explain it. Support can make a huge difference.
                              People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                              PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                              Comment

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