Little rituals after rape..

[anonrapevictim]

I hate it when im too dressed up or have to much make up or try too like nice because I feel like mens eyes are on me.. just waiting to pounce.
I get so so anxious is unreal, if a man dare looks at me I will start thinking he wants to rape and so far hasnt been true at all. Its horrible... it occurs every single day of my life. I have a cleaning problem aswell. I wash my body far to often and it drives me mad. And its the little things you forget about after rape... I thought "Oh now my depression is much better its over"... I was so wrong.

I flinched the other day when a man walked past and even so slightly touched me and I jumped really badly. And I also feel like all that anxiety stuff and PSD has increased my blood pressure dramaticly... my heart thumps so rapidly now constantly.. :/

[jittery]

Hi

I hate it when im too dressed up or have to much make up or try too like nice because I feel like mens eyes are on me.. just waiting to pounce.
I get so so anxious is unreal, if a man dare looks at me I will start thinking he wants to rape and so far hasnt been true at all. Its horrible... it occurs every single day of my life. I have a cleaning problem aswell. I wash my body far to often and it drives me mad. And its the little things you forget about after rape... I thought "Oh now my depression is much better its over"... I was so wrong.

I flinched the other day when a man walked past and even so slightly touched me and I jumped really badly. And I also feel like all that anxiety stuff and PSD has increased my blood pressure dramaticly... my heart thumps so rapidly now constantly.. :/

Hi, yes,one of my old girlfriends had this. I only went to hug her (not realising) and she jumped a mile. I can't really offer any constructive advice, I presume you've been offered some form of counselling? My old girlfriend comes to see me once a week, she just needs lots of hugs really and started to nervously peck me. I've told her she can kiss me and I'll just let her do as she pleases while I'm just putty for her, I'm not saying this will work, but have you got any male friends who might help you? I know I lacked confidence when I was younger (different I know) and had mild anxiety attacks. I found weight training helped MASSIVELY, I'm hoping this or learning a martial art may help, if you can feel that you have the strenght not to allow this to happen again it may help?
Sorry I can't be more help. All I can offer are some words of encouragement given to me by someone a long time ago. " Find the joy "
Good luck. hope you can find some way through