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Step-daughter accused me of historic rape & abuse.

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  • Step-daughter accused me of historic rape & abuse.

    I feel that things are getting out of control and serious, so I thought I should log what's happening in my life.
    History
    I met my ex wife, X about 22 years ago. She had two children A and B. I had a son of whom I had custody, C and we had a daughter between us, D. I got on very well with X's children and they did with me and my son. A seemed to really like me, loved to talk with me, hold hands when walking sit between us when watching tv etc. We had a good relationship as she grew and she was looked upon as a person of trust later and would be left to look after the two boys & D, re babysitting, shopping, park etc. When she was 14 A worked in a local video shop. She was a mature 14 year old. The shop owners son who was in his 20's lived in the family home above the shop and would often come down to spend time with her. On a particular day when out with the family, A changed and was rude and aggressive. Both X and I believe that something went on with the shop owner's son. I found out later that he has had problems with young girls. I told her off and she slapped me across the face. Our relationship started to fade from then on.
    When A was 16 she went to stay with her father for a holiday and refused to come back home. She refused to speak to her Mother and so for a few months after I used to talk to A by phone and I got them talking again. Then everything was fine for a few years till A met her boyfriend and moved in with him. A then fell pregnant and during the pregnancy she started to show blood. Her mother told her to go to the doctors but she wouldn't listen, so X gave me the phone and asked me to speak to her. I said the same and said that if she didn't there's a risk of miscarriage.... That was the end of my relationship with A as she blew up and has refused to speak to me again for mentioning that word.
    About a year later A told her mother that when she was a child she was in bed with me as her mother was working nights and I touched her bum and that she felt it wasn't right. Her mother has spoken to her on many occasions about this and she still holds the same story. X has also spoken to me about this and I have told her that this has not happened. She has never been in my bed with me.
    The present day
    I have just recently set my father up on Facebook and he received a very nasty message about me from A, accusing me of Raping her and years of abuse and wishing my father dead and as well as the rest of my family. She also said that she is going to let everyone know what I have done to her and she is going to ruin me and destroy me. she also said that she wanted me and all my family dead. I reported her on f/b and blocked her on my father's site as well as my own. A then asked my sister to be a friend and my sister blocked her and she then asked my brother to be a friend on Skype. he also declined the request.
    My Problem
    I have never abused or raped my step-daughter. I have never as much as lifted a hand to her. My first reaction is to show the f/b message to the police but they are likely to cuff me first and ask questions later. I am not so much, worried as to what she is saying as I feel that the truth will eventually prevail, but more worried about the damage that will be caused in the meantime. I am now split up with X and still friends. X and all the other children believe me and trust me. It's the damage to my life and the people in my life that is worrying me. I feel that A's rage is escalating and she is upping the anti. A has an adult history of being a liar and can be slightly mentally unstable. A has fallen out with her mother again over money so they are not talking. She has refused to let X see or have any contact with her two grand daughters. This is all over money borrowed by A and not repaid. A has alienated pretty much all her family. My daughter D still contacts her but it is very strained.
    I feel that this will not go away by ignoring it and wonder what to do.......... Help!!!!!!!!!
    Last edited by Casehardened; 30 October 2014, 07:52 PM. Reason: Removing identifying names at request of Senior Member

  • #2
    Can I ask a moderator to please remove all names from this post? This is a very public forum and anybody can view it, including the police and potentially the complainants/their supporters.
    People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

    PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

    Comment


    • #3
      Why am I not surprised to see this may be about money.

      Are the police involved yet?
      People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

      PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Spinning Wizard View Post
        I feel that things are getting out of control and serious, so I thought I should log what's happening in my life.
        History
        I met my ex wife,X about 22 years ago. She had two children A & B. I had a son of whom I had custody, C and we had a daughter between us, D. I got on very well with X's children and they did with me and my son. A seemed to really like me, loved to talk with me, hold hands when walking sit between us when watching tv etc. We had a good relationship as she grew and she was looked upon as a person of trust later and would be left to look after the two boys & D, re babysitting, shopping, park etc. When she was 14 A worked in a local video shop. She was a mature 14 year old. The shop owners son who was in his 20's lived in the family home above the shop and would often come down to spend time with her. On a particular day when out with the family, A changed and was rude and aggressive. Both X and I believe that something went on with the shop owners son. I found out later that he has had problems with young girls. I told her off and she slapped me across the face. Our relationship started to fade from then on.
        When A was 16 she went to stay with her father for a holiday and refused to come back home. She refused to speak to her Mother and so for a few months after I used to talk to A by phone and I got them talking again. Then everything was fine for a few years till A met her boyfriend and moved in with him. A then fell pregnant and during the pregnancy she started to show blood. Her mother told her to go to the doctors but she wouldn't listen, so X gave me the phone and asked me to speak to her. I said the same and said that if she didn't there's a risk of miscarriage.... That was the end of my relationship with A as she blew up and has refused to speak to me again for mentioning that word.
        About a year later A told her mother that when she was a child she was in bed with me as her mother was working nights and I touched her bum and that she felt it wasn't right. Her mother has spoken to her on many occasions about this and she still holds the same story. X has also spoken to me about this and I have told her that this has not happened. She has never been in my bed with me.
        The present day
        I have just recently set my father up on Facebook and he received a very nasty message about me from A, accusing me of Raping her and years of abuse and wishing my father dead and as well as the rest of my family. She also said that she is going to let everyone know what I have done to her and she is going to ruin me and destroy me. she also said that she wanted me and all my family dead. I reported her on f/b and blocked her on my fathers site as well as my own. A then asked my sister to be a friend and my sister blocked her and she then asked my brother to be a friend on Skype. he also declined the request.
        My Problem
        I have never abused or raped my step-daughter. I have never as much as lifted a hand to her. My first reaction is to show the f/b message to the police but they are likely to cuff me first and ask questions later. I am not so much, worried as to what she is saying as I feel that the truth will eventually prevail, but more worried about the damage that will be caused in the meantime. I am now split up with X and still friends. JX and all the other children believe me and trust me. It's the damage to my life and the people in my life that is worrying me. I feel that A's rage is escalating and she is upping the anti. A has an adult history of being a liar and can be slightly mentally unstable. A has fallen out with her mother again over money so they are not talking. She has refused to let X see or have any contact with her two grand daughters. This is all over money borrowed by A and not repaid. A has alienated pretty much all her family. My daughter D still contacts her but it is very strained.
        I feel that this will not go away by ignoring it and wonder what to do.......... Help!!!!!!!!!
        Hi Spinning Wizard

        Sorry to hear your current position, you are right in thinking that it would be very unwise to contact police, as it would almost certainly start an investigation in the current climate. Unfortunately I believe the only thing you can do wait and see what transpires.

        Your story reminds me strongly of my husband's case, although the false allegation was made to police without any prior warning, after a disagreement about money.
        Last edited by myhome; 30 October 2014, 08:12 PM. Reason: Removing identifying information - request of Senior member
        The truth is like a lion. You don't have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself.

        St Augustine

        Comment


        • #5
          Completely agree with FS. If the police are told about this they will have to investigate and unfortunately even though you are the one who has told them they will start from the premise that you are guilty and will do their best to try to prove this. They have conviction targets to meet and are not interested in innocence.
          What you can do right now is to screen shot all her FB and other social media posts and store them electronically somewhere where plod can't get them. Should this come to their attention they will more than likely seize your electronic equipment and search through it for stuff to incriminate you further.
          I think that trying to ignore what she is doing and continue with your life as best you can. She may not carry out her threats. If she does, you will have already recorded her FB posts saying this is what she's going to do. If she doesn't, then it will gradually fade......hope this helps. if we can help more please keep posting
          Keep strong MH
          "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by myhome View Post
            Completely agree with FS. If the police are told about this they will have to investigate and unfortunately even though you are the one who has told them they will start from the premise that you are guilty and will do their best to try to prove this. They have conviction targets to meet and are not interested in innocence.
            What you can do right now is to screen shot all her FB and other social media posts and store them electronically somewhere where plod can't get them. Should this come to their attention they will more than likely seize your electronic equipment and search through it for stuff to incriminate you further.

            I think that trying to ignore what she is doing and continue with your life as best you can. She may not carry out her threats. If she does, you will have already recorded her FB posts saying this is what she's going to do. If she doesn't, then it will gradually fade......hope this helps. if we can help more please keep posting
            Keep strong MH


            More to the point, they will tell the complainant that you are looking at their Facebook profile and the complainant will immediately change their privacy settings. so you can't continue to build up evidence for your defence.

            Plus if the police do seize equipment hopefully there will be nothing on there to incriminate you further.....
            People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

            PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you for your comments.
              *No the police are not involved yet, did think at one point of contacting them re-the threats and maybe get a restraining order but now see that would have been unwise.
              *Yes I agree, gathering evidence is the way to go here. There are plenty of text's been sent to A's brother so I will get him to "screenshot" them. I have printed off the f/b message sent to my Dad and will start gathering this and maybe giving it to someone that I trust to hold it for me.
              *A has often asked her mother for money, using the grandchildren as emotional leverage but she does not repay or got very aggressive once it was time to repay and has now sent some abusive text's to X and said that she is going to make sure that the Grandchildren hate her so not to try to contact them
              *I have also just found out that A is taking drugs, Marijuana I think (like a brown lump of toffee she crumbles into a rollup?). I think that this may be contributing to her mental state and mood swings.
              *Should I be getting a solicitor up to speed? If & when the police come round should I ask for their solicitor or have one prepared and call them? How do I find a solicitor that deals with this type of case?
              *I am going to sit back and hope it all fades away, but I am worried about the potential fallout. I'll just keep gathering evidence.

              Comment


              • #8
                A then asked my sister to be a friend and my sister blocked her and she then asked my brother to be a friend on Skype. he also declined the request.
                Do you or they have screenshots of these attempts to contact potential witnesses? If not, if A carries on make sure that all supporting witnesses screenshot her attempts to contact them. She is either trying to garner support, wanting to trawl for more complainants to support her case, or she is wanting to cause fear and distress.

                At the moment you have not been charged and I think also the police so far are not involved. You won't be eligible for legal aid at this point so any solicitor you approach will need to be paid. You might get some free advice from some sols but as there is no paperwork, they can't really advise on anything apart from to tell you sit wait and see how things pan out. They cannot contact the police on your behalf because that could cause them to instigate an investigation. In short there is not a fat lot they can do. Keep your money in your pocket.

                Just start a journal, keep it with you. Anything that springs to mind from your memories of her, or thoughts as to a motive to lie, write it down. You'll be surprised how much you will remember and then put together with your notes, to start to form a defence, should the police become involved.


                For moderators, one of the names in the OP is still showing.
                People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

                Comment


                • #9
                  : (

                  I am so sorry ur going through such a terrible time and hope its over v soon

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks

                    Thanks for the support from you all. Good to know you're out there.

                    Comment

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