I need help

[anon26]

Hi

I was raped on the 12 of may this year so a couple of weeks ago, I was on a night out and blacked out after 1 hour of drinking, I have no memory of the rape, I woke up in basically a park bruised and cut covered in dirt and no underwear on. it has been reported to the police and I went to have my forensics done the day it happened.

it has been such a difficult experience that I haven't even began to deal with it. my rapist has been arrested but released on bail while the police gather as much evidence as possible to present to the cpd so that he hopefully will be charged. my blood results will be back next week to see if I was spiked.

I have no idea who my rapist is.

it was hands down the most frightening thing of my life.

since it happened, I was dating a guy I thought was the one but yesterday he moved away (which I always knew was going to happen) he has supported me so much through this ordeal and has said he will continue to do so which I know he means but he does not want a long distance relationship as they don't work and me moving is not an option. I am devastated I have been crying none stop for 3 days now and I haven't eaten a thing in 2 days. I am not sure if I am upset over the end of the relationship or if I am starting to deal with the rape. I feel totally helpless and so alone. I have good friends and family but no one knows how to support me.

I can see a point in carrying on with nothing to look forward to in life. I am far from back to my normal routine and it seems impossible, I am so depressed angry upset and most of all scared.

since it happened I have lost so much weight. I don't know what to do or who to turn to

I am usually a very strong person and I would never get upset over anything.

please help because I cant see future right now

[Music lady]

Hi anon, I'm so so sorry for what's happened to you. Everything you're feeling is 'normal' for what you've been through.

Well done for reporting it. That takes a lot of strength and courage to do.

I would go and see your GP to see what they can offer you to try and help you feel better. I found my GP to be very supportive and sympathetic. If you feel like you can't tell them what you're going through, I can recommend writing it down and handing it to them. I would also recommend seeing a counsellor. It does get better. Feel free to post here whenever you need to.

Here if you need me. Take care, and remember to be kind to yourself.

[myhome]

Hi anon and welcome but so sorry to read about you devastating ordeal.
MusicLady has given you some great advice. I would add that you have a look for a Rape and Sexual Abuse Crisis Centre in your area. They will have professionally and specially trained counsellors who will be able to help you through this very difficult time.
Please don't give up - it does seem as though everything is against you at the moment - but gradually and with time and care this will change. We are here for you and we will give you all the help we can... MH

[lawlessone2009]

Hi,

I am lost for words.

I have moved your thread so that you are able to, hopefully, attract more people that will be of help to you.

[anon26]

Thank you for your kind messages.

Since I last posted a few things have changed. On Saturday afternoon my parents came round and saw the state I was in which was actually day 2 of the crying. They had said to me that they were going to take me for lunch on the Sunday morning. I cried and cried and woke up on Sunday at 5am still crying my heart out which was around the time I posted my first message.

I shortly after asked my dad to collect me and bring me home. I have decided to move back in to my family home as I was living by myself and not coping. It's now Monday. I cried all of Sunday and a tiny bit today but it's not as constant. I have started to eat little bits here and there. I have contacted rape crisis support and will be seeing someone on Wednesday morning to start to deal with this.

I still feel like I'm dying inside but I am not crying anymore so I think that is positive. I have never had a breakdown before it was terrifying for the people that care about me.

I made the guy I was seeing aware of it which I feel guilty for as I know he is blaming himself when it's not his fault but in a way I think it's good I told him as he is giving me some space.

This is a really hard time and getting back to normal is very hard.

Has anyone been through this? Is there more breakdowns to come?

Has anyone been through the court process?

I hope it does get better as I was such a happy girl before that people liked to be around where as now I feel like a burden on my friends and family.

Thank you xxx

[Music lady]

Hi anon,
So sorry you're going through this. Well done for contacting Rape Crisis. You should feel very proud of yourself.

I'm really pleased you have supportive parents. I think having a supportive family is really important in healing from this.

I think how you're feeling is perfectly 'normal' after going through the awful ordeal you've been through. I was r*ped (I still can't say it) by my ex bf 19 years ago. To be honest, I haven't even begun to deal with it. It still feels raw at times. I sought professional help last year after a wise person gave me some good advice. I tried to deal with it myself, but it didn't work out.

I would talk to the person you're seeing on Wednesday about how you're feeling and see what they suggest. Well done for telling the guy you're seeing. There are support forums like this one, for supporters. It may help the guy you're seeing to talk to other supporters because with the best will in the world, they find this journey tough and lonely as well. Plus he'd be able to support you more as well.

I didn't report what happened to me (long story), so I can't help you there. I have been told by several survivors that this journey does get better, and it's worth it in the end.

I hope this helps. ML

[anon26]

He is no longer seeing me as he moved 2 hours away so we are not really talking at the moment. It wasn't a decision he made lightly but it still hurts.

I hope I can do all of the right things over the next 6 months or so and get my life back I can't let this ruin my life. Everything is very upside down at the moment and feel as though It will be hard for someone to love me now.

I'm trying to be positive but it's very hard to say the least

[lawlessone2009]

He is no longer seeing me as he moved 2 hours away so we are not really talking at the moment. It wasn't a decision he made lightly but it still hurts.

I hope I can do all of the right things over the next 6 months or so and get my life back I can't let this ruin my life. Everything is very upside down at the moment and feel as though It will be hard for someone to love me now.

I'm trying to be positive but it's very hard to say the least

I would say that the timing of his move away is quite cruel really and shows that he is not the 'one' for you. Of course, only you know the situation with regards the move but still, if he loved you he'd have stayed. Love is blind.

Thank you for updating us. You have endured a horrific ordeal and deserve the right to do whatever it is you need to do be that crying or shouting at the top of your voice for instance. I hope your appointment on Wednesday begins the support process that you'll need to begin to recover and come to terms with what has happened.

As for court. You may never need to face it, the perp may well plead guilty. I'm hoping he does.

[anon26]

Yeah I'm sure you are right but the move was planned before this happened. Timing is bad and I know I wouldn't have taken it so badly is it wasn't for what happened to me. We have spoken a bit today and I know he cares about me. Just bad timing.

I hope I will get some clarity on the whole thing tomorrow and start to deal with it.

I have been so incredibly unlucky I just hope there are good times ahead of me. Can't wait to be back to normal if that's even possible.

[lawlessone2009]

Yeah I'm sure you are right but the move was planned before this happened. Timing is bad and I know I wouldn't have taken it so badly is it wasn't for what happened to me. We have spoken a bit today and I know he cares about me. Just bad timing.

I hope I will get some clarity on the whole thing tomorrow and start to deal with it.

I have been so incredibly unlucky I just hope there are good times ahead of me. Can't wait to be back to normal if that's even possible.

I did assume the move was pre-planned. I was kind of stuck in one of those '1950s movies' ways when writing it imagining what the strapping actor would've done. I, in no way, was being true to life in the present day. I apologise if it has caused upset or bitterness when you were talking with him. It's extremely nice that he has called you and even nicer that he has shown you that he cares.

Time is a pain at times...

I wish you well for today. I hope that you can receive some care and some gentle assuring help.


I'm not sure with regards to 'unlucky'. Sometimes in life things just happen. I was often told that everyone is in charge of their own destiny but on reflection I think that's a load of nonsense. Destiny is something that takes shape over time with no single life experience as its definition. Some experiences in life are tragic and brutal whilst others are loaded with pleasure and joy. At the moment I believe that you should attempt to seek out some pleasure and joy. If you've been holding back on a hobby or exciting day out then I would encourage you to look at how you are going to do it or actually do it.

Returning to normality? What really is normal? Normal changes by the second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year etc... I often dreamed about returning to normality after my own experiences but then realised that the normality I was seeking was actually 'the past'. I may not be happier or even 'normal' now but I tend to attempt to spend everyday looking to the future. I spend a lot of time in the past but I attempt to use the past to shape my future. To make a new 'normality' that captures all of lifes experiences and gives me a present day self. I am generally not too successful as the past has a habit of being an almost 'addiction' but fighting that addiction has given me greater insights into who I am as a person and how I treat others. I hope that I generally get it all right but fear that I fail on many occasions.

You, at present, need comfort and reassurance. You need information and security. Today will hopefully be a start.

It is quiet on here just now but over time I am sure that more members will give you snippets of their information. There are many threads from so many different people who are all on a journey through life and need a little helping hand or piece of insight. I would encourage you to read some of them but do not get caught up in it all. Take some time out, be with friends and family, indulge in a hobby, watch a film. Take every fresh day at a time.

I cannot really say much more as my experiences are some what limited. I do encourage you not to become like me though who has done just about the opposite of everything I've mentioned above...

[myhome]

Hi anon - how did you get on to-day? Did you find them helpful and supportive?

[anon26]

Yeah she was helpful she is there to help me with the pratical side of things like police and court etc. I have been referred for concealing but there is a 4 month waiting list. She said she is going to bump me up the list as 4 months is ages away

[lawlessone2009]

Yeah she was helpful she is there to help me with the pratical side of things like police and court etc. I have been referred for concealing but there is a 4 month waiting list. She said she is going to bump me up the list as 4 months is ages away

4 months is far too long for emotional support.

There will no doubt be a system in place whereby those most in need are able to be seen quicker. Time will tell. Certainly sounds positive.

Did you find the meeting helpful in so far as the support being offered regarding dealing with the Police and courts etc?

[myhome]

Really pleased that you found them helpful and as LL1 says - sincerely hope they move you rapidly up the list.....

[anon26]

Yeah I did find it helpful it just wasn't what I expected. I'm hoping it won't be as long as 4 months because I have so much going on in my head and no idea how to deal with it all. Last few weeks have been full of appointments and referrals I'm kinda glad that I don't have anything on for a week or so so I can try to get back to my routine for a while. My support worker said it can take up to a year to get through court so need to get strong before that