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  • historical rape

    hi everyone, cant quite believe this is the first time Ive looked for a forum on rape.
    I was raped when i was 14, 33 years ago (cant believe Im that old!). Wasnt getting on very well with my parents, and Id started going out late with friends.On my way home from a club, i was waiting alone at a bus stop. One of the guys (who lived near me and had been at the club) beckoned me towards him.. I was scared, dont know why i went towards him, basically he had a knife, and made me go to a nearby flat. the flat was virtually bare. He forced me into a room, locked the door. Made me take off my clothes which he took to another room. I was shaking so much. He threatened to cut me (my vagina) if i didnt stop shaking. He attempted to penetrate me, but wasnt able to, he said he was too big. He called his friends up (there was a balcony off the room) . he went downstairs to get his mates. He locked the door. I knelt on the bed and prayed that he wouldnt hurt me and my mum and dad wouldnt find out. He came back with his mates and three of them raped me. A fourth ( I knew them all) took me into another room and lay ontop of me. I was screaming, crying. The door burst open and another guy ( who i later found out was allegedly a pimp) came in to 'rescue' me. A television was smashed. the pimp guy helped get my clothes and he walked me home and told me not to tell anyone. i got home and made up a story to my parents and went to bed. My friend who 'd left me at the bus stop came round the next mornin. i blurted out to her that id been raped. My dad started shouting.. The police were called. I was terrified and didnt want to make a statement. Initially i lied and said a man had jumped me at an alley. the police said they didnt believe me. I told them the truth. They said i didnt have enough bruises to indicate rape. they gave me a forensic examination and found 3 lots of semen. They also found me back covered in a silvery coating which i now think was from the screen on the tv that was smashed. they said i shouldnt have been to the club. they concentrated on the fact that id been to a club with 'black guys', one wpc went on and on about why i didnt get myself a nice 'white' boyfriend. The police said the most they could do in court would be to get them for underage sex. they treated me like a silly girl who got her just deserts for hanging out at such a club. the polices approach really affected my parents approach to me. Later my mum took me to the gp, she told him what had happened and all i remember him asking was if she was alright!
    It destroyed an already fragile relationship with my parents. My dad could hardly look at me. two of the men contacted me through my friend as they had both caught gonnerhea (forgive the spelling) and we all went to the hospital together to get treatment. that day i got home and my poor parents who really didnt know how to cope announced theyd arranged for me to live with a relative in another city, so that was that, feeling totally rejected and betrayed i got a coach that night . i felt as if id been chucked out of home. I was promiscuous from the next year onwards, throughout the rest of my teens. I spent many years putting myself in vulnerable situations, not really understanding my behaviour. i was raped again when i was 16, but didnt bother going to the police. I had a bout of counselling when i was 16, and again in my early 30s. I made a good life for myself, i have a stable partner, 2 lovely kids and a great job. I was able to foster a much better relationship with my parents, both dead now. All this was a struggle against self hatred, self doubt and anxiety and deep shame. Ive come through a lot, especially the relationship with parents, andn always thought i dont want to be defined by rape. But over the last few years, maybe seeing my daughter growing up, shes only 10 but in only 4 years shell be the same age i was, and also looking at my friends kids who are 14, i have an over whe.ming sense of anger that no one stood up for me, or encouraged me to see it was them who were in the wrong. I hope the police are better now, but when i hear of recent news reports of those young girls were groomed, and ignored by the police (was that in rochdale?) and the other news items, I feel i want to do something. Im wondering about contacting the police and reporting it. (again!) Not sure if the forensic evidence will still be around, maybe the original report that was made? Im angry at the police, as well as the guys concerned (will they still be alive, did they do it again, will they have families now?) Previously my anger was directed at my self and my parents and other family.) part of me thinking why drag all this up again, but it never really goes away, im on antidepressants, tho i dont dwell on being raped i think the event had profound effects on my development and psyche and has contributed to many years of rock bottom self esteem. Although it was a long time ago the effects still run deep. Any way, thanks for reading this, wondering what my next move should be. I feel i have to take some action.

  • #2
    Hi and welcome,

    Firstly I want to say how amazing I think it is that you have been through so much and managed to build a life for yourself and have a lovely family. That shows real strength. You were treated appallingly by the police in addition to the vile treatment you received at the hands of your attackers. Your gp was also hugely insensitive. You were let down by pretty much everyone and yet you still survived.

    I related to the ways you coped after the rape. I too became promiscuous and put myself in vulnerable situations. I had no self worth. These are all common reactions to rape. Is counselling something you'd consider again? It might help to talk through those feelings you experience when you look at your daughter and friend's children and when you read the news.

    Regarding what your options are now, I'm not really sure. I would suggest having a look at the links here: http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...php?1011-Links and contacting one of the charities to discuss it. If they can't help they should be able to point you in the direction of someone who can. Thankfully the police are generally much more educated and understanding in relation to rape now so if you were to contact them I am sure you would be treated well and listened to.
    "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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    • #3
      Thank you

      Hi Friday
      Thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot to have all that acknowledged. I have just left a message with rape crisis for some advice. i am going to report it to the police, i just feel i need to, and to see if there is still the forensic evidence. i dont know where it'll take me, but feel i need to take some action. I now longer live in the city where it happened, but i think i will start my complaint locally. Im slightly concerned that if it does go any father, Ill be able to be located via facebook but i dont know if thats my fears running away with me. I imagine its possible to get abuse from peoples families?
      Anyway thanks again, take care. x

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      • #4
        ive reported it

        Just spoke to the police and gave them brief details. They are unsure if the forensic evidence will have been kept. They are sending an officer round on Thursday morning to gather more info.
        -

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        • #5
          Hi pandaeyes
          That was a very moving account and must have brought back some awful memories for you. I'm glad you have found the strength to go to the police and that they will help you to get some closure on this terrible time for you. Sending......
          "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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          • #6
            How did it go with the police? I hope you are doing ok
            "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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            • #7
              Update

              Hi Friday
              Well a police officer came to my house Thursday am. I gave a brief account of what happened. He was very professional, and took a factual account, not a statement at this stage. Now waiting for this to be past onto the public protection unit, ppu? Who I believe will contact me in due course. Ive also been in contact with rape crisis centre to get myself some support. Don't know why I've never Been in touch with them before, I think I've dismissed contacting them in the past thinking I've left it too long and that I should be over it by now, but they have been great, and honestly i feel this is the right course of action I am taking. The key thing for me at present is whether the forensic evidence still exists, if not not sure what I can do. This could l be over in a matter of weeks or months, or indeed drag out for maybe years if they have the forensics and I decide to go head. I really don't know exactly how these things work, but Just taking it a step at a time. A.x

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              • #8
                Originally posted by pandaeyes View Post
                Ive also been in contact with rape crisis centre to get myself some support. Don't know why I've never Been in touch with them before, I think I've dismissed contacting them in the past thinking I've left it too long and that I should be over it by now, but they have been great, and honestly i feel this is the right course of action I am taking.
                I'm glad you taken this step. There probably never is a time "to be over it." Mine happened when I was 6 - I'm now 55 -and I only started seeking help 4 years ago and only started with a specialist organisation this year.... I hope you can get some closure on all this....
                "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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                • #9
                  So glad to hear the police were understanding. I hope they still have the forensic evidence but if they don't that doesn't necessarily mean it is over. They can interview the assailants to find out their version of events and there may be things they say that either contradict each other or don't add up which will support your version of events.

                  I'm glad to hear you've found support at a rape crisis centre. They really do know their stuff. After 6 years of nightmares I can happily say I can't remember the last time I had one and I attribute that to the CBT group at the rape crisis centre.

                  This might help give you an idea of what to expect in terms of how the investigation is likely to proceed: http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/pdfs...%204%20web.pdf
                  "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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                  • #10
                    Well done for taking this brave step. This is all in your control now, just take things step by step and keep coming back for advice.
                    "Be sure your sin will find you out"

                    Numbers 32:23

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                    • #11
                      Thanks again

                      Friday, the link you passed on was brilliant, thanks so much. I have been contacted by a legal advisor from rape crisis with an appt. still feeing this is the right thing for me to do. I feel very encouraged by responses. Will keep updating. A.x

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                      • #12
                        Hi A, the first steps are always the hardest to take, but now you've taken them, it'll be much easier to keep the momentum going...it's great that you have found the police to be sympathetic and professional. Hope you can keep strong and see this through - we'll help all we can.....
                        "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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                        • #13
                          Hi pandaeyes, how are things going? I hope you are getting lots of support from rape crisis.
                          "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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                          • #14
                            Doin ok, had a call from police officer dealing with investigation, and an soi who is there to support me. They are planning to come and see me (i live in a different city to where it happened) to take a statement. The original police report has been destroyed, but they said they have a dedicated officer looking for the forensic evidence! I know it's a long shot, but would be great to find it, it would give me a clear direction and confidence to pursue this. Have an appt wit RC but have to re arrange due to work. Am just taking one day at a time, still feels right though.

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                            • #15
                              Hi pandaeyes - good to hear from you and it's sounding like you're getting great support from everyone....
                              "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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