Hi all. My username says it all about how I'm feeling.

One week ago I was arrested on suspicion of raping my wife. I had sex with her on the Friday night. It was my birthday, so even though our marriage hadn't been the best lately, I got into bed and tried my luck. To my slight surprise, she grabbed my hand and instead of brushing it aside she pulled it between her legs. I started to play with her down there. She has a painful skin condition so I thought nothing of the odd flinch and tried a more comfortable position. After a while I slid my hand inside her pyjama bottoms and played more directly. Again, no resistance, and no protest. This is the clincher. I climbed astride her and she pulled her pyjama bottoms down.I knelt between her legs and she held my penis and guided i t inside. I made love in a rather vigorous manner but not rough. At no point did I hold her down. And as I reached climax I asked her where she wanted it. She said "I want it inside me." At one point there was a yelp as our rhythm went out of synch and it must have hurt her.

Afterwards everything was normal and she was chatting about her meeting with an old lady in a coffee shop earlier the previous day. We went to sleep after a while, but I woke an hour or so later to find the bed empty. She was on the sofa. I asked if she was ok but she said she was too wide awake. Then she returned a short while after.

I woke around midday feeling cold. The door was wide open and she and the kids had gone out. I texted her to let her know the front door was wide open but got no reply. I assumed the kids had been driving her up the wall and she'd taken them for a change of scenery. It got to tea time and they still weren't back. I texted again to ask what time they'd be home but the message sent but wasn't received. I phoned but it went straight to voicemail. I thought her phone must've died. Then it got close to the kid's bedtime and still no sign. I posted messages of concern for their welfare on Facebook and asked if anyone had seen them. I was scared there might have been an accident. Tried phoning again later and her phone rang. She answered it. I asked if she was ok. She said they were fine and put the phone down when I said I'd been worried.

I went for a bath thinking The kids must've fallen asleep and she didn't want to disturb them but worrying she might have left me after the difficulties we'd had. She knew I wouldn't have left and neither of us is working. After my bath I settled to watch a bit of telly and was wearing just my shorts and t shirt that I use as nightwear. About 11.20pm I heard a noise outside. I went to the window and saw the shadowy figure of a policeman. There had been a few burglaries in the area so I expected one or two officers to let me know something similar had happened. I also feared there may have been an accident. To my surprise around half a dozen cops were there, one of whom asked my name and then said he was arresting me on suspicion of rape. After much radio chatter they cart me off to the station with only the shorts and t shirt on.

It was after they booked me in they told me it was my wife and that there were three counts of rape. After a long sleepless night I was questioned (took the duty solicitor) and released on conditional bail (no contacting wife and no retuning home obviously). During questioning it came up that we had roleplayed rape like scenarios and viewed porn of a similar nature, so of course computer and mobile were seized. Bail was for four weeks exactly.

The other counts I had no recollection of. It also turned out that she had visited a clinic and staff got her to report it. It turns out that there was a tear to the vaginal wall but no mention of severity. I am worried that I will struggle to defend this. I can't afford a lawyer! I'm also worried about how she's explained my disappearance to the kids.

Any help or advice appreciated.