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  • Starting to struggle again.

    Hi folks,

    Never really been a big one for forums but here it goes, this is my story,

    In June 2014 my friends and I from college went out celebrating the fact we had just sat out finals, I was typically a bit of a lady's man, and quite often had one night stands.
    never the less this night was no different, I started speaking to a girl (x) stood out side with here, made out in front of her and one of my fiends, we then walked back through the city centre to my flat, about a mile and a half walk.
    We had sex in a range of diffrent positions, after she told me she felt like a slut because I was the second guy she had been with that week, I quickly put some cloths on and talked to her about it in a calm and friendly manner, we slept and she left in the morning. A good night had by all in my opinion.

    5 days later at approximately 2,AM, 2 detectives, 2 police officers and the owner of the student accommodation were loudly knocking on the door.
    I opened the door and I was taken away, I was placed in a cell, I was obviously very confused about the detainment they had placed me under, it didn't make sense to me.

    I spoke to the detectives on the way to the station they asked where I was from what I was studying ect.
    Seemed like nice guys.

    About an hour after I arrived at the station a doctor arrived and he took around 50 DNA samples from around my body including finger nails, penis , mouth, arms ect.

    The next morning prior to an interview I was told by the dectectives who were to interview me, to say no comment to all questions regarding X. And I would be released that day, they didn't believe Her already and said I had too much to lose from this. And true to there word I was. And I havent heard nothing since.

    However this isn't what I'm struggling with, when returning to college I was advised by the police to change accommodation, incase she had some crazy relatives, and of course my room mates all saw the police and knew what had happened, so I was now the talk of the school, but I could deal with it I only had 2 months left.
    However this affected my social live only a few of the guys wanted to speak to me, hardly anyone would look at me thinking I was some kind of beast. I never went out socialising, the only time I left my new flat was for school or to cycle to my grandmothers, for weekends.

    I met a girl the next month, at school she didn't know me and I thought, great a new start with someone, but no it was ruined by people I would have called friends prior to the incident, they to.d her what I was a cussed of she then tested me to see if I would commit the same act I was accused of on her, she was swiftly told to fuc* off, and to be.ive what she wanted.

    I left college and returned home, which is a very small rural town of around 8,000 people, however there are people from my town who now know the story from people I went to college with and its all happening again, people looking and not talking to me,
    Just this past weekend there was a music festival, I was talking to a girl not even from the town and then this other girl who I barely know comes up to us and says, "dont talk to him he's a rapist" HOW DARE SOMEONE SAY THAT!
    How are you ment to deal with this, For the last 8 months of my life I think about it everyday, the disgusting statement I was made to read out loud in my interview which was so far from the truth it's unreal.

    I'm just happy I was never charged and have no desire to press charges on her, mainly because the police did me a big favour.

    Has anyone else suffered from this kind of thing, I put on a brave face in front of my family, my brother jokes about it, but it's really difficult again, it's effecting my selfastime for the firs time in months, today I started crying for no reason. I just need to know how I can help my self.

    Thanks guys!

  • #2
    Hi and welcome to the forum,

    I will leave it to others who will be better qualified to suggest how you deal with these bullies (for that is what they are) but I wanted to thank you for posting up how the police dealt with you:

    Originally posted by Bc1990's View Post
    The next morning prior to an interview I was told by the dectectives who were to interview me, to say no comment to all questions regarding X. And I would be released that day, they didn't believe Her already and said I had too much to lose from this. And true to there word I was. And I havent heard nothing since.
    So often the police get a bad press regarding their attitude to false sexual accusations and indeed they were procedurally wrong here, it should have been the Duty Solicitor's brief to advise you whether to answer the questions or go 'no comment', but nevertheless you got the right outcome within hours rather than being bailed and having to wait for months.
    'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

    Comment


    • #3
      hi

      Originally posted by Bc1990's View Post
      Hi folks,

      Never really been a big one for forums but here it goes, this is my story,

      In June 2014 my friends and I from college went out celebrating the fact we had just sat out finals, I was typically a bit of a lady's man, and quite often had one night stands.
      never the less this night was no different, I started speaking to a girl (x) stood out side with here, made out in front of her and one of my fiends, we then walked back through the city centre to my flat, about a mile and a half walk.
      We had sex in a range of diffrent positions, after she told me she felt like a slut because I was the second guy she had been with that week, I quickly put some cloths on and talked to her about it in a calm and friendly manner, we slept and she left in the morning. A good night had by all in my opinion.

      5 days later at approximately 2,AM, 2 detectives, 2 police officers and the owner of the student accommodation were loudly knocking on the door.
      I opened the door and I was taken away, I was placed in a cell, I was obviously very confused about the detainment they had placed me under, it didn't make sense to me.

      I spoke to the detectives on the way to the station they asked where I was from what I was studying ect.
      Seemed like nice guys.

      About an hour after I arrived at the station a doctor arrived and he took around 50 DNA samples from around my body including finger nails, penis , mouth, arms ect.

      The next morning prior to an interview I was told by the dectectives who were to interview me, to say no comment to all questions regarding X. And I would be released that day, they didn't believe Her already and said I had too much to lose from this. And true to there word I was. And I havent heard nothing since.

      However this isn't what I'm struggling with, when returning to college I was advised by the police to change accommodation, incase she had some crazy relatives, and of course my room mates all saw the police and knew what had happened, so I was now the talk of the school, but I could deal with it I only had 2 months left.
      However this affected my social live only a few of the guys wanted to speak to me, hardly anyone would look at me thinking I was some kind of beast. I never went out socialising, the only time I left my new flat was for school or to cycle to my grandmothers, for weekends.

      I met a girl the next month, at school she didn't know me and I thought, great a new start with someone, but no it was ruined by people I would have called friends prior to the incident, they to.d her what I was a cussed of she then tested me to see if I would commit the same act I was accused of on her, she was swiftly told to fuc* off, and to be.ive what she wanted.

      I left college and returned home, which is a very small rural town of around 8,000 people, however there are people from my town who now know the story from people I went to college with and its all happening again, people looking and not talking to me,
      Just this past weekend there was a music festival, I was talking to a girl not even from the town and then this other girl who I barely know comes up to us and says, "dont talk to him he's a rapist" HOW DARE SOMEONE SAY THAT!
      How are you ment to deal with this, For the last 8 months of my life I think about it everyday, the disgusting statement I was made to read out loud in my interview which was so far from the truth it's unreal.

      I'm just happy I was never charged and have no desire to press charges on her, mainly because the police did me a big favour.

      Has anyone else suffered from this kind of thing, I put on a brave face in front of my family, my brother jokes about it, but it's really difficult again, it's effecting my selfastime for the firs time in months, today I started crying for no reason. I just need to know how I can help my self.

      Thanks guys!
      Mate,
      It happens in all walks of life. I am obviously falsely accused, but I will move to a different stage in my life. I'll go back to when I was a young electrician. During training I was told to work live "Don't worry mate, we all do it". Naiively I told an auditor about a year later not to MAKE UP an audit about a job as he was going to in case it came back bite HIM as I had done the job live.
      The result? Obviously he reported me, can't blame him, more than his job was worth not to. Duly I was summoned to head office, walked through the office where the job allocators all worked, all of whom I was "mates" with. Not one of them even looked up. They knew I was there. The common person does not want trouble, won't say they're cowards exactly, but at the faintest whiff of trouble they are off.
      Try and be positive my friend. You have been given a great opportunity here to at least know who your REAL friends are, grasp it with both hands. About your relationship with girls I can't comment. Unfortunately there's nothing to stop people speaking their minds. All I can think of, weak as it sounds is to try laughing and saying someting like "So you say", I'm sure this will stop at some point anyway, everyboby moves on eventually.
      As I was walking toward a potential chopping block at work, I suddenly heard a bellow of "(my name)" as my one true friend spoke up at the top of his voice "Alright mate (thumbs up)" loud enough for everybody to hear.
      The truth'll work it's way round. Be patient, be optimistic for the future, BE STRONG!
      J

      Comment


      • #4
        hi

        Originally posted by jittery View Post
        Mate,
        It happens in all walks of life. I am obviously falsely accused, but I will move to a different stage in my life. I'll go back to when I was a young electrician. During training I was told to work live "Don't worry mate, we all do it". Naiively I told an auditor about a year later not to MAKE UP an audit about a job as he was going to in case it came back bite HIM as I had done the job live.
        The result? Obviously he reported me, can't blame him, more than his job was worth not to. Duly I was summoned to head office, walked through the office where the job allocators all worked, all of whom I was "mates" with. Not one of them even looked up. They knew I was there. The common person does not want trouble, won't say they're cowards exactly, but at the faintest whiff of trouble they are off.
        Try and be positive my friend. You have been given a great opportunity here to at least know who your REAL friends are, grasp it with both hands. About your relationship with girls I can't comment. Unfortunately there's nothing to stop people speaking their minds. All I can think of, weak as it sounds is to try laughing and saying someting like "So you say", I'm sure this will stop at some point anyway, everyboby moves on eventually.
        As I was walking toward a potential chopping block at work, I suddenly heard a bellow of "(my name)" as my one true friend spoke up at the top of his voice "Alright mate (thumbs up)" loud enough for everybody to hear.
        The truth'll work it's way round. Be patient, be optimistic for the future, BE STRONG!
        J
        Thought of something a bit more constructive I think as an answer to people who cat call you. Don't forget they are probably her friends, you need to win them , if you can, over. Laughing it off may help, but better I think would be to say "Look, I know this is hard and I know you don't want to hear it because she's your friend, but the police believe she was wrong." Look them in the eye so they know you're telling the truth, the girl you're with will understand then what the situation really is. Try and treat any woman you do get close to a bit gentler. Imagine if you fall in love with a shot- putter and some one tells you she raped her last boyfriend- how would you feel? Try and just say, well if you feel uncomfortable we'd better call it a day, I need someone who is going to feel comfortable with me.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by jittery View Post
          Thought of something a bit more constructive I think as an answer to people who cat call you. Don't forget they are probably her friends, you need to win them , if you can, over. Laughing it off may help, but better I think would be to say "Look, I know this is hard and I know you don't want to hear it because she's your friend, but the police believe she was wrong." Look them in the eye so they know you're telling the truth, the girl you're with will understand then what the situation really is. Try and treat any woman you do get close to a bit gentler. Imagine if you fall in love with a shot- putter and some one tells you she raped her last boyfriend- how would you feel? Try and just say, well if you feel uncomfortable we'd better call it a day, I need someone who is going to feel comfortable with me.
          Cheers for the help buddy, in actual fact no one where I live knows the girl in question, in fact all they knew is a passed down version from very unreliable sources from across the country, however everyone I have told face to face about the incident does believe me, because really, if I wasn't telling the truth I would be in prison.

          The thing is I do t want everyone in my town to know because gossip spreads like wild fire, u can fart at one end of town and you will be told you **** your pants 20 mins later, so its sensitive, I do however have my friends and family which is a total of 5 people who I know have my back no matter what, it's vgoimg to be tough but I have fought past it already in the last year, I suposse its going to be another long fight.

          Cheers mate means a lot for your advice 😊

          Comment


          • #6
            hi

            Originally posted by Bc1990's View Post
            Cheers for the help buddy, in actual fact no one where I live knows the girl in question, in fact all they knew is a passed down version from very unreliable sources from across the country, however everyone I have told face to face about the incident does believe me, because really, if I wasn't telling the truth I would be in prison.

            The thing is I do t want everyone in my town to know because gossip spreads like wild fire, u can fart at one end of town and you will be told you **** your pants 20 mins later, so its sensitive, I do however have my friends and family which is a total of 5 people who I know have my back no matter what, it's vgoimg to be tough but I have fought past it already in the last year, I suposse its going to be another long fight.

            Cheers mate means a lot for your advice 
            No problem at all mate. You sound up to and up for the fight. Good man! Any probs drop back in, someone'll be here

            Comment

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