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  • #1

    Just been arrested and accused of rape.

    Hi Everybody,

    I have just been arrested for the rape of one of my employed staff. Which was consensual although she says she cant remember it happening.

    I am 41 and she is 18 i know there is a huge age difference and i should know better but i did have sex with her after a few drinks and given the chance i would never do it again.

    I have a hairdressing salon and my girls "staff" went off to do hair for a fashion show in town around 4.30pm. I had arranged to meet someone at 5.00 and said i would catch up with them later. When i went to meet the person i he was busy painting his studio so i arranged for him to txt me later so we could catch up later. I continued to the event where the fashion show was taking place. The girls were busy so i went of to the bar and got a pint of cider and went back to the room where the girls were doing hair. I drank my pint and went to get 2 of the girls a pint of Cider each as they were working hard and the fashion show was going to start soon so they would not be needed. This was around 6.00 the first drink the girl in question had. The girl came to the bar with me while i was buying the pints and we decided to get a double tequila for the other girl and pretend we had drunk our s at the bar.

    We stayed in the room where the hair was being done and drunk our pints around 7.30 we went back to the bar for another pint and ordered some food a small pizza and chips each at this point in time the girl had her 2nd drink another pint of cider. The guy from the studio turned up and we all sat down and eat and had a drink. The girl in accuser was getting a bit loud as some people do after a drink although she was not in coherent in any way. We decided to go out into the beer garden and the sit there as it was not as busy as n the bar.

    Around 8.30 another round of drinks were bought by another girl that worked for me. She bought 3 pints of cider and two double tequila shots. I drunk my pint and shot and the girl accusing drunk her tequila but managed to spill her whole pint and smash her glass on the floor after only a couple of sips.

    At this time the girl was tipsy and acting the way 18 year old girls do. The first thing she said to me was why do you not get rid of the other two and me and you can go for a drink. At this time i thought she wants to get the leg over. She then asked me to come back and stay at her house where her parents live and we could share a double bed. Other people were around to here this. She was also talking about how many people she had slept with being 14 in 2 years. She was also a bit touchy and clingy to me.

    She has now had two pints of cider and a double tequila between 6.00 - 8.30 she had know other drink after this point. Which she has said in her statement to the police.

    At 9.30 my wife came to pick up my 13 year old step daughter who had been helping at the fashion show. The plan was for us to all go to town for a drink. The two girls and the studio guy. The studio guy was left with the girl in question in the beer garden as myself and the other girl loaded the car. The studio guy then appears and says the girl has randomly spilled a pint of cider over him and he needs to go and get changed. We arrange to meet later. As my self and the two girls are leaving the venue one of them not the accuser decides she is going to get a lift home from someone leaving me with the 18 year old girl.

    It is a 1 mile walk back to the salon. We both walked arm in arm back. She stopped to to talk to a couple of girls from College and a guy she knew for a couple of minutes on route back. We went to Tesco and debated getting some Vodka and going back to the salon for a drink. We decided not to get any as she said she had some at home. We bought a 6 pack of coke and got back to the salon just after 10. I decided i did not want to drink anymore as i was tired and had a bit of a heavy head from the cider.

    The girl was 100% with it she walked back 1 mile and talked the whole way back. She was drunk but not really drunk.

    When we got back to the salon she again asked me to come back to her house again a said know way as i know her mum and i did not think she would be best pleased with me sharing a bed with her daughter. She asked where i was staying and and i showed her my blow up bed and sleeping bag i keep in the studio. I set it up and lay down on it she asked if she could stay as well. I should have said no but i did say yes. She lay down next to me and i asked her lights on or off and she said off, Straight away she started to touched me and i touched her back then we had sex and fell asleep. At some point later we had sex again.

    I woke up at 6.30 and got dressed i could here her getting ready. she came up stairs and said she had a hangover and i said she had been drunk. She said if she went hoe now her Mum would not know she had staid out. I said i would see her a 9.00 she asked for the day off and i thought that it would be a good idea as my wife and step daughter would be coming in later and i thought it would be heavy. I said i would see het Tuesday for training day.

    When Tuesday came she did not come back. I sent her a msg saying i was thought she did not want to face me and that she should come back it was a drunken mistake etc. I had no reply and tried the rest of the week. I heard nothing back i thought she must not be able to face me after it happened. £ weeks later the Police turn up at the salon and arrest me for rape and search the premises.

    The girl said she cant remember anything and did not have consensual sex.

    Its a big nightmare i have never cheated on my wife before in 7 years of marriage and regret what i have done. I have had to tell her and we are now splitting up. Im on bail until nNovember 11th pending further investigation.

    My lawyer did say the DC in charge thought that the story did not add up as she had not drunk much there seemed to be a half story there.

    I suppose its a waiting game now to see if it proceeds to court or not.

    I welcome any advice.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Hi and welcome to the forum,

    It might be useful for you to look at the general advice in this link:

    http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

    You have detailed the circumstances leading to the accusation well and it seems that there are lots of witnesses to confirm that the encounter was consensual.

    It would seem that the accusation is motivated by post-hangover remorse and fear of parental recriminations but nevertheless Pandora's box has now been opened and the process will roll on.

    One of our member's husbands was in a similar situation and I am sure she will be along to offer valuable insight.
    'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

    Comment

    • #3
      Mixing antidepressants and anxiety tablets with alcohol.

      Has anybody been involved or know of a situation when some one has been mixing medication with alcohol and then accused someone of rape? I ask as the girl that has accused me of rape or nonconsensual rape due to being to intoxified to remember only had 2 pints of cider and 2 tequila shots which she had admitted and witnesses have seen to. I have since found out that she suffers from depression and anxiety and has been prescribed medication from the DR. I know that some medication can be taken with alcohol and some cant. After quick google search i have seen that some of the outcomes of mixing could be alertness becoming impaired and a feeling of sedation and drowsiness.
      If some one was to mix medication and the medication had a side effect would this be the accusers fault for mixing medication? Could the accused be held responsible for this?

      Also would a Solicitor be able to find out this information and how would this stand in court?

      Comment

      • #4
        Hey,

        Welcome to the forum.

        I have merged your threads, not out of badness and not to detract from the fact that a discussion in relation to medication and alcohol isn't a very valid area to be looked at but more to enable you to receive the most help possible within your thread and in relation to you and your circumstances.


        Having read the opening posting I can understand fully what your version of events is. It's clear and concise. Any one of us could find ourselves in the same situation at any time in our lives.

        Are you fighting to save the marriage?


        As for the medication and alcohol. Yeah, they can interact and wipe you out.

        It's generally noticeable though.

        Your defence does not rely on anything other than the fact that as far as you were aware at the material time of the allegation your accuser had had a couple of drinks, she appeared fine, she was a willing and consensual partner and that you had sex.

        Discovering afterwards that she was drugged out her eyeballs is not really going to change what your beliefs were at the material time of the consensual sexual interaction.

        Your beliefs were that she was consenting.

        By bringing in the medication interacting with alcohol it appears that you are attempting to find an answer to why she has done what she has done. This could very very well be a reason but at the time that sexual intercourse took place you did not know anything about medication. It's your frame of mind at that time and your beliefs and your judgement that matters.

        The circumstances that you describe do not indicate to me that anything but a consensual sexual interaction took place.

        Even with medication being involved, having been on various medications myself at different time in life and partaking in some alcoholic beverages, I would say that it would be clear over that lengthly period of time that something was not right. A nasty interaction between alcohol and meds that leads to what you describe as 'can't remember anything' has many signs which would've been evident. Of course, she could well be on medication that I have no experience off or a strange cocktail of meds.

        This entire area is something for you and your legal team to discuss. It IS a route that is worth examining and obtaining an expert medical opinion on. We can only share our experiences and insights with you in the hope of directing you towards a successful defence, our opinion does not hold any weight in court.

        If you are aware of the meds then let your solicitor know. They can advise best on whether to pursue that line and also what medical expert to use.

        If you find out anything further that could be of benefit then don't hesitate to raise it in your thread. It's fine to have general discussions but at this point you need more focused information as it's your life that is potentially going to be changed if you don't ensure that the information you obtain and the thoughts you pursue are specifically for your benefit.

        You have a very valid defence. The age gap could well raise eyebrows in a courtroom but the allegation is simply centered on a sexual encounter with questions surrounding 'consent'. The entire legal argument will revolve around 'consent'. The entirety of your initial post makes your position clear, if that is the way you tackled the Police interview then there is a chance that it may not go further.

        However, keep looking for any reasons for her actions. Medication, alcohol, depression, anxiety are all open to swinging either way in a courtroom so be careful but keep questioning and looking for answers as you need to fully understand the situation and question all the different angles so that you can ensure that your legal team are able to do the same and also seek out information when it is needed, if it is needed.
        Wow... A signature option!

        Comment

        • #5
          Thank You for the reply.

          Im just trying to get my head around why she would say this? I did tell the Police my account in a much more detailed statement than the one on here.

          I have read that mixing alcohol and meds can cause black outs, which make you look as if you are normal to anyone else. But the next day you would not remember anything.

          My other assistant has told me she had a night out with the girl the week before and she drank a considerable more amount of alcohol that night. She had a one night stand with someone she met. She talked about it in the salon as she left her shoes in the guys car. Funny how she can remember that one but not this? That makes 3 different guys in 10 days including her boyfriend and me. She does seem to like to put it around a bit.

          Talking to my other assistant she informed me that she has accused someone of rape before who was her Step Dad. It went to court and he was found not guilty.

          At the moment i want to pack up and leave town. I was arrested in the salon on Tuesday morning. The general public along with the other shop keepers could look in the window and see me sitting in handcuffs then taken out the salon and put in the police car.

          My wife dose not want to talk to me and want me out of the house which i cant blame her for. I do not know what she wants to do personally i do not want to drag her into all of this. I want to deal with it on my own.

          I have started to become anxious and paranoid that everybody knows whats happened sound stupid but i feel like i am in a gold fish bowl and everybody is looking in the window at me. Im scared that rumours start to spread around Town as it such a small place and people stop coming into the salon. Her Mum works 5 shops away and her house is around 10 shops the other direction. My bale states i can go with in 15 meters of her house. I now can not drive to my own business. Its a nightmare.

          I have thought about closing the salon up and moving back up North to my parents house until this all gets sorted out but i am scared it will look like i am guilty if i take of. I do not really have a lot of friends here i can talk to and could have more support there with people i can trust.

          Do you thing i would look guilty if i go? I have not been charged yet it might not even come to that.

          Comment

          • #6
            Phab

            Oh dear, another poor soul on here.

            My hub was accused of much lesser charges against an employee whom we were about to dismiss. It is true that they had a flirty, touchy feely working relationship but never met outside work or had sexual encounters but unfortunately she had her best friend corroborate her story albeit only hearsay.

            Hub already battled with depression and in the past had breakdowns and suicide attempts due to the end of his first marriage. He found the whole process awful and ended up agreeing to a plea bargain. He has since passed a polygraph so everything is up in the air.

            You must fight this. You will be told that an employee is a vulnerable person, an 18 yr old is a vulnerable person ( hub's accuser was 38 and considered vulnerable), that an intoxicated person is a vulnerable person. Everything at the moment is on her side. They will say you crossed the line as an employer. You did but it is not yet a criminal offence.

            Will the other people support you? Employees, bar staff etc. The plod won't bother collecting statements that don't aid a conviction. This is up to you.

            We had, in hindsight, a truly awful lawyer. I begged hub to change but he felt ok with this prat. The awful lawyer engaged a totally inexperienced barrister.

            There is no law against having sex with an employee - please say that 3 times. However I do feel you need an excellent, experienced legal team.

            You say she accused her stepdad, the fact that she did accuse him does not, in the plod's view, mean that something else couldn't have happened to her by someone else.

            Whether you remain where you are is up to you. A lawyer could request you be allowed to carry on working but anyway 10 houses is more than 15 metres away. The fact that she might be at her mum's doesn't matter. Hub's accuser used to park outside our office to go to the shop, we had that stopped.
            Being close does leave you vulnerable to accusations of breach of bail.

            Your wife has every right to be angry. I am still angry some days that hub even allowed himself to be accused. He should have been less flirty and more professional. The first month or so is hell, post traumatic shock. You can only tell your wife how you feel if you want to save your marriage. It will take a long time.

            I am sorry if part of my response sounds negative but I do not want you to underestimate how much you need to prepare. Common sense doesn't apply in these cases. If you do all the prep and don't need it then you have lost nothing.

            Keep coming on here for help. Remember plod is not your friend. Hub heard one say he thought hub was innocent at the first interview. Never stopped them charging him though.

            Comment

            • #7
              Sorry, just a point to add. She was entitled to have sex with as many people as she wanted. Personally I think adversely commenting about that could backfire, ie why did she only complain about her encounter with you? This is the world of twisting everything you say so please be careful. A lot of what we knew about hub's FA was inadmissible in court including her massive debts. She constantly requested compensation and got none.
              One thing you could do is look for entries on social media sites. Is her life continuing as normal? Is she enjoying a happy social life? Take screen shots if so.

              Comment

              • #8
                Originally posted by is there justice? View Post
                Sorry, just a point to add. She was entitled to have sex with as many people as she wanted. Personally I think adversely commenting about that could backfire, ie why did she only complain about her encounter with you? This is the world of twisting everything you say so please be careful. A lot of what we knew about hub's FA was inadmissible in court including her massive debts. She constantly requested compensation and got none.
                One thing you could do is look for entries on social media sites. Is her life continuing as normal? Is she enjoying a happy social life? Take screen shots if so.

                Thank you for information.

                I have noticed on a few threads about getting screen shots of social media sites. She seems to be going on as normal. Managed to get a new job with in a week, has been going out to her friends hose for a take away.
                Dose not seem traumatised in any way. Will this help if i take screen shots of this?

                Comment

                • #9
                  I would take shots of any little thing, you never know how it may help or fit together with something else later. Hopefully you won't need any of it and some might be useless but it won't harm.

                  By the way, we sold up, moved away and although we are financially less well off, we are much better off in other ways. I wouldn't make any knee jerk decisions though. As for other people, some will believe her, some won't. You will find out your true friends and uncover some support that will surprise you. Make sure you don't hide away. Some customers might just feel embarrassed to go in and know what to say.

                  Just to add, hub was accused of sexual harassment and sexual assault which according to FA went on for 18 months even though she kept saying she was being headhunted and didn't leave! The corroboration was just her friend saying yes, she told me about it.
                  Last edited by is there justice?; 15 August 2014, 01:18 PM.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Don't take shots of every single thing on her page otherwise you are building up work for your sol and barrister, if you have legal aid they are not paid by the hour so are likely to discount it.

                    You need to go from what the accuser says for instance:

                    "I've been a hermit since it happened"

                    "I've been scared to go out....."

                    "I've not had a boyfriend since then" etc etc etc

                    You might then be able to use use screenshots while she's out and about enjoying herself as if she claims any of the above, she is (here comes a technical term) creating a false impression. You are entitled to "correct a false impression" but that doesn't mean on every single little thing. Needs to be very specific and relevant to the case.

                    Photos of her getting drunk and swearing on FB is not evidence because the court would see that as you attacking her character - that's not allowed even though she's attacked a potentially innocent man's character.
                    People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

                    PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

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